Hakuouki: Hijikata
by Rikkumorningstar
Summary: This is a retelling of his side of the story but if anyone feels offended that I am doing this then please let me know and I will stop... Otherwise like the title says this is Hijikata's side the of game by IDEA FACTORY. I personally think everyone should get to know how it truly happened and not just how the anime tells it... Rated M since the game was
1. Prologue

I have a tendency to want to retell the story of things such as games, manga and such…

I've decided to do Hijikata's side of Haukuouki by IDEA FACTORY…

Mainly since his story is the longest

However if this goes over well with those who decide to read it then I might consider doing the other stories as well…but only if someone requests it of me…

DISCLAIMER

This is purely for entertainment

I am NOT claiming this story as mine .

I hope you enjoy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

HIJIKATA TOSHIZO

PROLOGUE

January 1864

"So this is Kyoto..."

It was awfully impressive, there was no denying it. Even the simple hellos between people passing in the street seemed warm and friendly.

They nodded and smiled to one another almost as if they were family, not strangers about on errands.

Still...

There was something else as well. something that made the city feel strangely cold. Almost as though there was a great invisible wall, shutting out anyone who wandered in from the country.

"Um..."

It wasn't particularly comfortable, I had to admit.

"...No. No, that's all in my head."

I had walked quite some distance to reach Kyoto, and it occurred to me that my mind and body were both very tired. Even so, tiredness was no reason for me to stand about feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't afford to, after all.

"Um, excuse me!"

With new - albeit forced - resolve, I tried to stop a passerby.

"I'm sorry, but I seem to be a bit lost, could you...?"

xxxxxx

"What am I supposed to do now?"

I was lost again, but in a different sort of way.

I sighed and found myself looking up at the darkening sky. The sun was beginning to set.

The people I'd spoken to hadn't been unkind, and they'd given me the directions I'd needed, but...

"Couldn't he have chosen a better time to leave the city?"

Apart from my father, there was only one other person in the city who I could rely on: Dr. Matsumoto.

Dr. Matsumoto was a doctor in the service of the shogunate.

I had never met him myself, but my father put a great deal of trust in the man.

He had told me that if I should run into any trouble during his absence, I was to contact Dr. Matsumoto.

Unfortunately...

Dr. Matsumoto was apparently out of town on business, and would not return for some time.

"Was I too hasty? Perhaps I should have waited..."

True, it is rather rude to visit unannounced, which was why I had sent a letter ahead of me. Of course, if he'd been gone for very long, then he had almost certainly not read my letter.

Perhaps, I thought, I should have waited for a reply before traveling alone to a city I'd never even seen.

"But..."

No. I knew I could not have waited any longer.

_Flashback_

"Chizuru..."

"Is something wrong, Father?"

He paused a moment, and looked at me.

"I... It seems I must go to the city of Kyoto for a time."

"Work again?"

He had been leaving the house often then, sometimes for days at a time.

"How long will you be gone?"

"...I'm afraid I can't say. A month, perhaps. Maybe two." He looked to me with a frown.

"Oh..."

There was no hiding my disappointment.

Nonetheless, I wasn't a child anymore. I couldn't beg him not to go, or some other foolishness. Yes, I'd be lonely, but... I was much more worried for him.

"Please Father, be careful. They say that the city of Kyoto is dangerous."

He only smiled and nodded.

"You needn't fret. I will be sure to send you letters as often as I am able, so that you will have no need to worry."

This brought little comfort but it was enough.

"...Okay. You promise?"

...

Father kept his promise.

A new letter arrived every day, and I scarcely had the time to respond before another would arrive. He told me that he worried about me, home all by myself.

Then...

...the letters stopped.

A whole month passed, with no word from my father, and I began to worry.

_End Flashback_

"Father..."

They say Kyoto is full of ronin. It is not a safe place.

Usually a samurai is paid by their house, but...

Ronin with no house to report to often rob people in order to make ends meet. They're nothing more than violent criminals who hide behind the image of the samurai.

Such is the state of the city of Kyoto: The city of ronin.

Small wonder, then, that I worried for my father's safety. My mind would concoct horrible possibilities and I inevitably found myself depressed and tense.

"Hmm.. First, I suppose I need to find a place to stay."

Lost in thought, I hadn't noticed that night had already fallen. If I was honest with myself, I hadn't the first idea how long it might take to find my father.

I'd taken some money with me, but it wasn't much. Enough to last me a month, I hoped, if I used it wisely.

If I could find Father in that time, so much the better. If not, hopefully Dr. Matsumoto would return before my funds ran out. Should I be unable to find either of them, then it seemed I would be forced to return home.

"Well at any rate... I should try and be as frugal as possible..."

And so I lengthened my stride and set off down the street. Fortunately for me, men's clothing was much more conducive to such a pace than my usual dress would have been.

I'd decided early on that Kyoto was far too dangerous for a girl from the country to explore alone, and that it would be wise for me to dress like a man - or at least a boy.

My disguise, such as it was, had proven successful, and I'd made it all the way to Kyoto unmolested.

Perhaps that success had gone to my head, and let me think a girl dressed as a boy could explore Kyoto as she pleased.

But Kyoto is not a safe place.

I should have remembered that.

Instead, I had somehow convinced myself that whatever dangers the city held did not apply to me.

"Hey, kid."

I was about to discover otherwise.

"Eh?!" I squeaked.

I spun around. In the street in front of me were three men. Ronin.

"Can I help you...?"

I did my best to keep my voice calm as I reached in what I felt was a nonchalant way for my kodachi.

My father had made me take lessons in self-defense. I'd kept with them, and actually done rather well. My skill was enough to defend against most attacks then again...

Perhaps it was my confidence in my skill that had put me in this situation in the first place.

I'd messed up and let my guard down. My fault. There was a chance I could take them on and win, but... There were three of them, and one of me.

"Pretty nice blade you got there, kid."

Only then did I realize they were far more interested in my sword than they were in me.

"Looks like a bit much for a pup like this one, am I right?"

The first ronin nodded and turned to me with a sneer, "Give it here, okay? We'll use it to defend our country."

I took a step back, "But...this is..."

The sword wasn't just some blade I'd picked up: It had been passed down through my family for generations. There was no way I could give it to the ronin.

Unfortunately, I had the feeling they wouldn't understand.

...

...

In such a situation, the best decision was undoubtedly...

...To retreat!

And so I turned and ran as fast as my legs would carry me.

The second ronin was the first to react to my decision to escape, "Hey! Get back here, you little bastard!"

_A short time later..._

"Gosh, they sure don't give up easily, do they!"

I felt like I'd been running for quite a while, but I could still hear the ronin behind me, cursing loudly. I ducked into an alley and flattened myself against the wall.

After deciding they weren't to close, I crept farther into the alley.

Someone had left a couple sheets of wood leaning against one of the housed. It was a perfect spot to hide.

With luck, I thought as I knelt down to shuffle under them, this will get me out of this mess...

...

...

"...Huh?"

Something was wrong. I'd expected to hear the ronin yelling to each other, looking for me, but...

Seconds turned into minutes, and I heard nothing. I was about to sneak out and have a look, when -

"EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGHH!"

One of the ronin was being brutally attacked... They began to scream.

I froze, "Wh-what?!"

My plan to investigate was immediately halted.

Remaining silent and hidden was clearly more important.

Still...

"Damn you!" came the rage filled voice I came to recognize as the second ronin's.

The next fearful voice belonged to that of the third ronin, "What is this?! Why won't you die?! Dammit! We gotta get out of here!"

It was then that true fear began to set in.

There was something out there, something very, very dangerous. Something quite possibly lethal.

The possibilities were... Well, my imagination conjured up no shortage of gruesome theories.

Even so, I could feel that itch of curiosity... I wanted to know what was out there.

Slowly, carefully, I edged up to the corner and looked out. Cold moonlight glared back at me from the bare blade of a drawn sword. My eyes followed the blade up, to the arm that held it, clad in a coat of light blue.

...Had this person saved me?

But no sooner had it appeared, that hope was dashed.

"Heh...Hehehehehe..."

The cornered ronin trembled as he tightened his grip on his sword, "H-Help...!"

I could hear the ronin beg for his life as he stumbled back. The person in the blue coat said nothing, just stepped forward, his sword raised.

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

"AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A high, screeching laugh cut through the man's scream.

The blade fell through the air, more like a butcher's cleaver than a sword: No technique, no skill. just death. The scream turned suddenly wet, caught, and disappeared like air leaving a half-empty bellows.

My eyes went wide. I had just witnessed a murder.

Whatever strength adrenaline had given me was suddenly gone. My legs gave way, and I crumpled to the ground.

My eyes had gone so wide I thought they might never close.

The ronin had died with the first blow, but as I watched the blades kept falling, carving deep lines into the corpse.

The soft slip of a blade through flesh; the crack as it struck bone; the silent creep of blood across ground.

I felt nothing from them but madness.

Their only desire was raw, animal violence. Whatever they were, it wasn't human.

They were...broken.

"Hgkk..."

I could feel my throat closing up. I couldn't breathe.

A warm, dark smell brushed against my face... It took me a moment to recognize the coppery tang of blood. An icy bolt of fear ran down my spine, crawling its way out into my limbs and freezing me in place.

I was terrified.

What was I going to do...?

What _could_ I do?

"...You have to run, Chizuru."

I forced my jaw open and drew a ragged breath.

This was the only chance I'd get. I had to -

"Aah!"

But my body, still numb with fear, was less than responsive.

I lurched sideways, into the wood stacked against the building. With a rough clatter, it collapsed.

The creatures turned, their blue coats drenched in blood. Hideous grins split their inhuman faces, glowing red eyes shown behind white bangs and they shook with an animal excitement at finding fresh prey to slaughter.

"A-Ah!"

I had to run.

I couldn't die yet.

...But my legs refused to move.

That hideous, cackling laughter began again. I was going to die.

My body was frozen with terror. I couldn't even scream. This was it. This was the end.

"Wh-Wha...?"

I watched them raise their bloody swords, the moon glinting off the metal.

Then there was a flash of light, and a soft splash of blood. I could feel it, warm and sticky.

Bile began to rise in my throat, but before disgust took hold I heard a voice...

"Really...?"

The words suggested disappointment, but the voice sounded...happy.

"And here I was, planning to take care of them all on my own. Couldn't you have picked another day to work so fast, Saito?"

As he spoke the strange man smiled, almost as if he were enjoying himself.

I slowly glanced at them.

If I weren't still on the verge of barfing I might have been able to feel relief that these two strange men in blue coats were quite handsome and not inhumanly grotesque.

"I only did my job. Unlike you, I take no pleasure in battle."

"Well that's not a very nice thing to say."

He laughed

"...You don't even bother to deny it." The man called Saito sighed with the air of a long-suffering companion, and looked over at me.

The other man smiled and crossed his arms also glancing at me, "Maybe, but if you'd just staid back and let them kill her you could have saved us some trouble."

His tone was light, but his words confirmed my fears. I had left the frying pan, yes, but I was now in the fire.

"Perhaps. But that decision is not ours to make."

"Huh...?"

Then...there was someone in charge of these two?

Their conversation seemed to suggest they were part of an organization of some sort. As I thought about it, I remembered hearing stories of a group of men with blue coats...

"Ah-!"

My thoughts were interrupted by a dark shape sliding into view.

"Oh..."

I swallowed hard.

The moonlight shone off his smooth, dark hair. For reasons I couldn't fathom, in that moment the light on his hair made me think of fluttery flower petals... Almost as if the cherry trees were blooming out of season.

"Luck is not your friend tonight."

His voice was cold and quiet, like a blade of ice.

Blue-white moonlight lit his slender face and shone from the blade he held pointed at my chest.

But it wasn't the sword that made my breath catch in my throat.

It was his eyes.

They were fierce and hard, but somewhere behind them I could catch a glimpse of...something else. There could be no doubt that he was prepared to kill me, and yet he looked troubled.

Not kindness, but perhaps...mercy?

"Run, and I will kill you. Do you understand?"

I nodded. There was no doubt he'd meant every word he said. He stared at me for a moment, then grimaced, and with a sigh put his sword away.

"Wh-What...?"

I was too surprised to stop myself from speaking, and it quickly became apparent that I wasn't the only one.

"What? Wait, Hijikata, are you sure about this? This kid saw...well, everything. That can't be good."

As he spoke to the man he'd called Hijikata, his eyes narrowed. The man called Hijikata frowned back at him.

"Shut up. If you keep that up, you know what we're going to have to do."

...

I wasn't quite sure what they meant, but it was clear enough that what I'd seen was something they wanted to keep hidden.

Still, the more they said, the more I understood, despite the fact that none of us wanted such a thing.

The man whose name I had yet to learn smiled a wolfish grin, "I really think it's gonna come back to bite us in the ass if we let this kid go."

The way he looked at me made me feel as if he'd read my mind.

...

...Perhaps it would be best if I didn't think too hard about things I wasn't supposed to think about.

Hijikata glanced at me then back to the other man, "So we should just kill people so they don't bother us later? No, I'll decide what we're going to do with this kid when we get back."

The other man started to open his mouth to protest but Saito cut in, "I agree with the commander. If we remain here, we are likely to be seen. Again."

He spoke with quiet confidence. He glanced around, possibly looking for other witnesses. Then he looked down at the creature he'd killed, almost as though he'd forgotten the whole ordeal.

"If they have this sort of reaction to blood, then they don't seem like they'll be very practical."

Hijikata groaned, "...Damn. I didn't think they'd gotten this bad."

He peered down at the corpse, his face an emotionless mask. When he looked back up at his companions, however, his eyes narrowed.

"As for you two... Drop the 'Hijikata' and 'commander' stuff. We're supposed to be keeping a low profile."

Saito grimaced but the other man folded his arms again and smiled.

"What?! Come on, you can't be serious... You don't think our blues are a bit of a give-away already?"

He was right... Even _I_ had heard stories about a gang of cruel men in blue coats who cut people down in the streets.

But-

"No...no. Don't think. Ignore them."

I did my best to be stern with myself, but it came out sounding more pleading than commanding. My mind swirled with thoughts and worries. I was being drawn into their world...

...A world where there is nothing strange in carrying on a normal conversation in the dead of night, with corpses for company.

Saito's voice brought me out of my thoughts and to the horror that was this night.

"What shall we do with the bodies, then? There doesn't seem to be any physical signs, but..."

Hijikata thought for a moment before he spoke.

"Just take their blues. Yamazaki can deal with the rest."

Saito nodded, "As you wish."

"Another man cut down in the street, huh? Doing a great job, aren't we?"

The still nameless man gave a derisive bark of laughter.

"So long as we _keep out mouths shut_ I don't think anyone will connect us with this."

Hijikata looked directly at me when he spoke, and I got the distinct feeling that his words weren't meant for his companions.

It was common for people to be murdered in Kyoto. It was a dangerous city, after all. I knew that, of course...

But to see it happen? That was something else entirely.

If death was such as easy thing in Kyoto, I thought, then the city itself must surely be mad.

"Ah yes... We did save you, didn't we? Aren't you going to thank us?"

"Huh...?"

I didn't realize immediately that the third and still nameless one was speaking to me. When I did, my eyes went wide.

"What do you mean, you saved me...?"

...

Well, he did have a point. Despite their threats, they had saved my life.

I stood up as steadily as I could manage, brushed some of the dirt off my clothes, and bowed.

"Um... Thank you very much. I apologize for not thanking you earlier. I was... There was so much going on. I was a little confused."

I glanced up at them, tentatively.

The man called Saito was showing some confusion of his own. His eyes were wide, and he had an expression I couldn't place.

Hijikata looked as though he'd taken a bite of something sour.

...

...

"I-I know it seems weird to...say that... But he told me I should say thanks, so I-"

I looked up. Saito and Hijikata were both looking pointedly at anything but me, and the third man was shaking with laughter.

...

"Ha! Oh man... Well, my apologies. I certainly did tell you to, didn't I?"

He broke out in laughter again, so much so that he was forced to wipe a few tears from his eyes as he straightened up.

"Well, you're welcome, I'm Okita Souji. Nice to see a kid who knows how to be polite."

...

"Thanks for helping me..."

Not quite sure what else to do, I bowed again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Okita?" acquired Hijikata.

"Commander, I understand your concerns, but we must move."

Whatever mirth I might have inspired gone, the man called Saito spoke with quiet urgency. Hijikata nodded.

The man who'd called himself Okita grabbed hold of my wrist, gave me a smile, and began, to lead me down the street.

His grip was a touch too tight to be friendly; his fingers like iron cables around my arm. there was no question about my situation.

If I ran, I would die. Quickly, at least, but still.

Even if I did as I was told, my life was in the hands of these strange men. I set my jaw and stood up as straight as I could. My eyes met those of Saito as he looked up from the bloodstained coat.

"It would be best if you prepared for the worst. I doubt this will end well for you."

His words were like a dagger in my stomach.

What was going to happen to me? Was I...was I going to die?

As we walked through the cold Kyoto night, I felt horror begin to crawl its way up my spine once again. The cause of my horror wasn't the gruesome end that almost certainly awaited me, but something else entirely.

I'd spoken with these men, and had watched them speak to one another, not feet from a still-warm corpse soaked in blood. That I had done such a thing terrified me in an altogether different way.

Perhaps, I thought, this is what it is like to go mad.


	2. Chapter 1-1

_Hmm I wonder if anyone is going to like that this is being posted... Oh well...I guess I'll find out sooner or later TTwTT_

* * *

CHAPTER 1-1

"...Hmm...?"

Was it morning...?

"Umm..."

What had happened to me... ... Ah. Yes.

"...Right."

All at once, the events of the previous night rushed back. If only this was my room, I thought.

They had tied me up quite well, so all I could do was wriggle around in the bed, twisting the blankets around me. I wished - pointlessly, I knew - that I were back home, waking up on my warm futon.

"If only this were all a very strange nightmare..."

But it was not.

I had met those men the night before, and they had taken me with them...

...To the headquarters of the Shinsengumi.

"What will happen to me now...?"

I sighed, and lay down to await my fate.

It was at that moment that the door slid open, and a kind-looking man stepped through.

"I see you've woken up."

With a soft smile, he introduced himself as Inoue.

"I'm sorry we have to treat you this way... Hold on a moment. I'll loosen the ropes, all right?"

"Um..."

His smile quirked as he removed my ropes, working quickly and skillfully. My wrists, however, were left bound.

"Um... Thank you."

I bowed, and he let out a short laugh.

"Now, if you'll follow me..."

"Um...?"

"They've been discussing what to do with you since morning..." he smiled kindly again, "For now, they've decided to hear what exactly it was you saw last night."

"...Okay."

I nodded, and did my best to stand up, my body still a bit unsteady after being tied up all night.

The man who called himself Inoue was very polite and almost kind, but it was quite clear that I was to do as I was told. He must have been able to guess my thoughts, because he smiled at me and winked.

"You don't need to worry. I know they seem scary, but they're all really very nice."

"Oh..."

I wasn't sure what to think of that. Even at home I'd heard rumors of the vicious Shinsengumi.

They weren't pleasant rumors.

It was hard to imagine that the people in charge of such an organization were...nice.

Xxxx

* * *

"..."

Inoue led me to a room and opened the door. I stepped inside, and found myself surrounded by the leaders of the Shinsengumi.

Their eyes dug into me like so many knives. I froze, just past the threshold, and swallowed.

Okita was the first to notice my sudden appearance, "Good morning! I hope you slept well?"

"Oh...um..."

Perhaps it was because I was surrounded by strange men, but it was somehow comforting to see a face I recognized.

...Even if it was the face of a rather frightening man who was almost certainly willing and able to kill me.

"...Well, it wasn't particularly...comfortable."

I chose my words carefully.

"Really..."

His face twisted sideways into a grin.

"Because when I went to have a look at you earlier, you didn't budge, no matter what I poked."

...

Wait...What?!

Okita's grin widened as my face turned red. Saito rolled his eyes.

"He's only teasing you. Souji didn't go anywhere near your room."

...

Quite silent, I started at Okita.

With his grin still playing about his face, he glanced over at Saito.

"Aah, I just wanted to see you squirm a little. Not very nice of you, Hajime, calling me out like that."

...

...

I glared at him, "I don't think Saito did anything wrong. You, on the other hand..."

Hijikata was apparently fed up with our banter, "Shut it. You sound like a bunch of kids."

His voice brooked no further insubordination. Okita shrugged and was silent, but the smile stayed in his eyes.

"So Hijikata... This is your witness?"

The man who spoke... Well, he looked more like a boy than a man.

I'd imagined the leaders of the Shinsengumi to be old-or at least middle aged-men, but... They all looked quite young.

...

In fact, they looked rather like a group of young thugs...

"He's a real stick, huh? Just a kid..."

That was Toudou.

On our way from my room, Inoue had given me a brief description of the people I was about to meet. Supposedly, Toudou was the youngest Captain in the Shinsengumi.

"_You're_ calling him a kid, Heisuke? That's rich."

The man chuckled as he spoke, but the way he looked at me suggested that there was little he missed, despite his humor.

"Right you are. To anybody else, I'll bet the two of you just look like another pair of scrawny little brats."

The man across from him nodded with brows drawn, as if he was quite serious about the subject.

However, I remembered Inoue telling me that two of the men in particular were...somewhat immature, to put it nicely. He had said the one with the short brown hair was Nagakura, and the other, with longer red hair, was Harada.

"Leave off, you grumpy old bastards."

"The hell I will, boy!" replied Nagakura, "You think you can get away with talking to us like that?!"

"Besides," started Harada, "I'm hardly mature enough to be called 'old.' Shinpachi, maybe, but...not me."

"Damn you, Sano... I thought we were friends!"

Toudou laughed, "Ha ha ha ha! C'mon, Shin! Would an adult get so worked up over something like that?"

Their back-and-forth had a feel of a routine that long predated my arrival, but they couldn't quite hide the odd inquisitive glance in my direction.

I could sense something other than simple curiosity, though - a feeling of animosity, of resentment, perhaps. Despite their cheerful levity, they had not forgiven my presence among them.

Suddenly, I wanted very much to go home.

I wanted to leave that place, and never return.

My chest tightened, and I looked down at the floor, hoping that I might just wake up at home in my bed.

"I apologize for all of this frightening behavior. Please, don't give them the pleasure of unsettling you."

"Oh..."

This man's voice was calm and warm, and I felt myself relax, even if only a little.

Hijikata appeared shocked, "Are you serious? You're the scariest out of all of us, Sanan."

There was the faintest trace of a smirk on Hijikata's lips.

As he finished speaking, the rest of the men nodded solemnly in agreement. I found it hard to believe this man could be as scary as they all seemed to think...

"Oh? How crude. I can understand _their_ feelings, but that even our demon of a commander should think so..."

The man called Sanan smiled as he spoke and leaned back, his reposte delivered.

Hijikata said nothing, but his own smile did not leave his face.

A new voice joined the conversation, "You're lucky to have a friend like Sanan, Toshi."

…

Hijikata and Sanan had sounded so cold when they'd spoken to one another, not what I would have called 'friendly'.

Still, the man who had spoken had certainly sounded as though he thought they were friends.

The man then turn his attention to me, "Oh, my apologies. I haven't introduced myself. I am Isami Kondou, Chief of the Shinsengumi."

The most important man in the Shinsengumi, then.

"Toshi over there is the commander, and Sanan is our colonel."

Hijikata sighed in exasperation, "Ah...Kondou? Why are you telling him all this?"

Kondou glanced at him with a worried expression, "Uh... Why, do you think it's a bad idea?"

Nagakura crossed his arms seeming annoyed, "Well, unless you really think this kid needs to know all our secrets, maybe you should keep your mouth shut."

Toudou nodded in agreement, "Exactly! Why bother anyway? We don't owe this kid anything."

Harada glanced over at Kondou and let out a bark of laughter.

"True, but it's not like telling 'im will hurt us."

Kondou had looked rather disappointed when Hijikata spoke but he perked up at Harada's words.

I'd scarcely known him for five minutes, but already I could see that he was well-liked by his men. He had that sort of charisma that simply drew you in. A man who was impossible to hate.

"...Well, let's get back to the business at hand. Can you run through what happened last night?"

Kondou's glance moved to Saito, who gave a small nod and began to speak.

"Last night we were on patrol when we encountered some wandering ronin. They drew steel, so we fought. Some of our men subdued the ronin, in doing so exposed their failure."

As he finished, Saito turned to look at me. I swallowed and forced my mouth to open.

"I didn't see anything."

Hijikata softened a little at my response, but Saito remained expressionless and the smile on Okita's face didn't change.

"Huh. You _sure_ you didn't see anything?" Toudou asked.

"Yes, I didn't see anything."

I hoped that if I said it enough times, they might start to believe me.

At least Toudou seemed satisfied with my statement, "Really... Well, if that's true, then I don't see what the problem is."

However, Nagakura was not, "Hold on a minute. I thought Souji said you helped out some of our men or something..."

"No! That's not true!"

I glanced over at Okita, but his smile still hadn't changed. Whatever he was thinking was a mystery to me.

"I was running away from the ronin... And then some people with Shinsengumi uniforms showed up... Really, they sort of rescued me."

Nagakura's eyes seemed to say "Ah Ha!"

"Then that means you saw them slicing up those ronin, right?"

"U-Um..."

I couldn't exactly deny that.

...But I knew that if I just shut up then, they'd know for sure that I was lying...

Harada sighed heavily, "So in other words, you actually saw everything. The whole ugly business."

"Um..."

I was completely at a loss.

Harada moved his gaze to mine, "You've got an honest heart. That's not really a bad thing, but..."

I wasn't sure what to make of Harada's words.

My presence had not been a good thing for the Shinsengumi. Would their next words be the ones that condemned me to death for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

My voice shook, but I knew I had to try.

"I... I won't tell anyone! I promise!"

Sanan spoke this time, "It seems unlikely this attack was mere chance. Then again, I have no reason to think you're an enemy either." His smile was now more of a straight line, "Even if you do not intend to tell anyone, you could be captured; interrogated. I doubt you could withstand torture."

"*Whimper*"

His voice was still warm, but his words were cold, and I began to feel my chances at life slip away.

"It's easy enough to stay quiet, but if someone should try to coerce you, you've no reason to keep our secrets." Saito's voice was soft, un-cruel.

Okita smirked, "We don't have any kind of guarantee that you'll keep your word. It wouldn't be very smart to just let you go."

They had a point, but...

His smirk deepened and he crossed his arms, "Let's just kill the kid. You want to keep someone quiet, that's the only sure way."

"B-But-!"

I looked desperately at Kondou, who gave Okita a reproving look.

"Don't be so cold, Souji. What do we gain by murdering a civilian?"

Okita's smile disappeared, and he looked down at the floor.

He sighed and glanced back to his friend, "Oh don't give me that look. I was just kidding."

Saito appeared annoyed, "Then perhaps it should have sounded like it."

Okita made an attempt at a derisive snort and looked intently at a wall, his face slightly red.

Inoue seemed disturbed by the turn this conversation had taken, "But surely, there must be something we can do? After all, we're talking about a child..."

Sanan also seemed concerned, "I've no wish to kill him either, but we can't discount the chance that he could reveal information about us."

Sanan paused for a moment, his brows furrowed, then turned to Hijikata.

"I would like to hear the commander's opinion."

With the responsibility of his position invoked, Hijikata had no choice. He sighed, and glanced around the room.

"Last night we had to kill some men who broke the code. This kid was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Sanan narrowed his eyes, "And I imagine you mean to say that's all there is to it?"

Hijikata sighed again, "Well, he probably saw something, but I doubt he really understands what it was."

The room became silent and then Nagakura spoke, "Even so, this is serious. We have bigger things to think about. We have to keep this under wraps. If rumors get out that the soldiers of the Shinsengumi are thirsty for blood, that would be problematic."

Shinpachi's words made sense, and they all knew it.

Hijikata's face looked grim.

"I think Souji has a point," said Harada, "...Still, I'll do whatever Hijikata and Kondou tell me to."

Toudou frowned, "I think we oughta let 'im go."

He clearly was troubled.

"It's not like he knows why they went nuts, you know?"

...Wait, what did he mean by that?

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it.

Hijikata saw my eyes go wide, and I saw his narrow. They flicked to Toudou.

"Shut it, Heisuke."

No sooner were the words out of Hijikata's mouth than Toudou clapped both hands over his own.

Okita's smile was back, "Uh oh. Well, this is going to make it even harder for us to just let you go..."

"*whimper*"

Nagakura seemed annoyed now, "A man should always be ready to face death. You should make your peace with yours."

A man...?

...

"Oh!"

They thought I was a boy.

With everything else that had happened, I'd completely forgotten how I was dressed.

Harada smiled kindly, "Very true. A brave death is always an option. When I was young, I committed Honorable suicide."

At this Nagakura laughed, "...Although it didn't really stick did it Sano?"

Their jokes were...barbaric...but they both broke into raucous laughter at them.

Saito did his best to ignore them.

"Hijikata... Since we can't seem to reach a consensus, can I send the child back to his room?"

As he spoke, Saito turned to look at me.

"If you hear something you shouldn't while you're here, then we'll have no choice but to kill you."

"Ah!"

He was right.

If I remained with them then I could easily hear something I wasn't supposed to.

I didn't think he'd mentioned it for my sake - only as a possible concern for the Shinsengumi - but I was still glad he'd brought it up.

Hijikata nodded, "True. Can you take care of him?"

Saito nodded.

Sanan sighed and smiled, "I agree. There are too many careless men here."

Nagakura grimaced, "C'mon, Sanan... What're you looking at me for?"

Harada smiled, "That oughta be pretty obvious. We're in charge of being careless. Especially you, Heisuke."

Toudou suddenly looked guilty, "H-Hey! Back off! It was just a mistake, all right?"

I could hear his voice rise as everyone turned to look at him. He looked at them for a bit, then turned to me and mumbled in a voice I could barely hear, "I...I'm sorry."

...

"Um..."

I was still afraid that I was about to die, so I couldn't bring myself to tell him no harm had been done, but he looked as though he'd meant what he said, so I gave him an awkward nod. It was the most I could manage.

My attention was brought back to Saito by his soft voice, "Shall we go?"

"A-All right."

Xxxxxx

* * *

After they had taken me back to me room, I sat there for a time, looking down at my bound hands.

"Hmm..."

The rumors I'd heard had said the Shinsengumi were cruel, vicious men, but they'd seemed much more human than that.

Then again, even as I sat there they were deciding whether or not to kill me...

"I don't think they want to kill me, but... It seems like they think they might not have a choice."

If I didn't defend myself somehow, I'd most likely be killed.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to convince them, though..."

However they might have felt about me, it was clear that their priority was the welfare of the Shinsengumi.

"Oh...right..."

They all still thought I was a boy.

Perhaps if I told them I was a girl, they might reconsider...

...Or perhaps they wouldn't, or perhaps that would make my predicament worse somehow.

I had no idea what to do next.

But really it was clear what had to be done...I would have to try to escape.

And that meant I needed to get moving immediately. Staying in that room wasn't likely to improve my chances.

Fortunately, they hadn't bothered to tie me up completely again. Only my hands were bound. That would slow me down, certainly, but so long as I could move my legs, I definitely had a chance.

"All right, now the exit is..."

I cast my memory back to when they'd brought me into the building the night before.

"...Right."

It should work. It had to work.

I stood up.

Holding my breath, I edged toward the door. Leaving this way was rather rude, but I hardly had a choice.

With my toe, I reached for the door...

I was almost there when suddenly it flew open all on its own, revealing –

"What?!"

"Aaaah!"

I stumbled straight into Kondou.

I shook my head and looked up to find Sanan had also entered the room, "Oh my... Well, that was rather bold. You meant to run away, I assume?"

"Um..."

He smiled in a gentle yet cold sort of way, "Trying to run was not wise. It will only make your situation more difficult."

His voice was calm and not unfriendly, but his eyes were as cold as ice.

"..."

Too late, I realized why they hadn't bothered to tie me up again. They'd been watching me.

I looked back to the doorway and saw Hijikata gazing grimly at me, "I told you once, and I won't do it again. Run, and I'll gut you."

His voice was low, and filled with quiet rage.

Okita suddenly came into view, "Sorry, but now we've got to kill you. We can't trust a kid who can't keep a promise."

He smiled. Though, he didn't look very sorry.

I clearly had no choice but to make a run for it!

If I was going to die anyway, then I had nothing to lose by trying to escape.

Slipping around a stunned Kondou, I took off down the hallway.

"Did you really think you could escape?"

"Ah!"

Hijikata snatched me from the floor in one smooth motion, with the grace of a great cat.

"L-Let me go!"

"You think I'm stupid? You'll just try to run. No."

His voice was angry. I squirmed and twisted, but I could not escape.

"But I don't want to die!"

My voice threatened to waver with fear, but I hoped volume would mask it.

"And I...I... There's something I have to do!"

Hijikata's expression softened, "Hmph. And what's that, huh? What makes a girl put on pants and run around Kyoto pretending she's a boy?"

"Um..."

...

"...Huh?"

...

"Um...sir..."

He did not look happy.

"Did...did you just say 'girl'?"

I was scared, there was no denying it. Sanan looked at us and nodded.

"I see. Then you really _were_ a girl."

"Huh...?"

Okita chuckled, "C'mon, you really thought putting on a pair of pants was going to fool us? Even an idiot could see you're a girl."

"What?!"

Had... Had they really known all along?

I wasn't quite sure what to think.

Kondou, however, "Oh Isami Kondou, you fool! This is the embarrassment of a lifetime! How could I not have realized?!"

"..."

...Well, perhaps they hadn't _all_ known. His reaction, I confess, made me feel a little better.

Hijikata blinked at his friend in disbelief and turned back to me, "You almost got killed for it, whatever it is. Maybe it's time you spilled your guts, kid."

I looked back at him and nodded.

Xxxxxx

* * *

There I was, surrounded once again by the leaders of the Shinsengumi.

"I did think you were rather pretty, but to think you were in fact a lady all this time..."

As Kondou spoke, he was nodding his head solemnly, over and over, as if he were agreeing with a very intelligent suggestion.

Toudou stared for a moment and then, "Once you know she's a girl, she really doesn't look like a boy at all, does she?"

Something about that seemed to impress him.

Inoue appeared very troubled, "Then we bound a girl and left her for an entire night...? Oh dear."

He looked at me, his eyes concerned.

Each of them took the news...differently.

Nagakura narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, "Well, 'she' claims to be a girl, but it's not like we have any actual proof, right?"

"P-Proof?!"

Harada laughed. Nagakura grumbled to himself under his breath.

Still grinning, Harada said, "Proof? Really? Not obvious enough for ya, huh? All right, will you feel better if I strip her down?"

"Please, don't—!"

"No! You absolutely will _not_! Even suggesting such a thing is preposterous!"

Kondou shot up before I had even finished, his face bright red, but Harada's words hadn't had any malice behind them.

The red haired man frowned, "I just figured it was the quickest way to settle the question..."

He shrugged, and settled back into his seat. Nagakura had crossed his arms, and his brows were knit.

"Well...if you really _are_ a girl, then... Killing just feels kinda...wrong."

Hijikata scowled, "It doesn't matter. If we have to kill her, she dies."

His words left no room for argument.

Sanan had his own opinion on the matter, "Gender is irrelevant. Killing in general is wrong." He glanced at his commander, "We were organized to protect the public good in the city of Kyoto. We would ill serve the public good by murdering civilians in cold blood."

Okita smirked again, "Yeah, yeah. But if this girl, or boy, is a threat to the peace, that's an entirely different story."

The Shinsengumi didn't enjoy a shining reputation already. If rumors began to spread that their men were thirsty for blood, things weren't likely to go well for them.

They wouldn't be able to operate in Kyoto, and with no one to protect the people, the city would eventually fall into chaos.

I could see in their eyes that each one of them knew full well the consequences rash actions could have.

Kondou cleared his throat, "Well then, we need only determine if you are a threat. Will you tell us your side of the story?"

I could feel their eyes on me. The room went quiet.

"My name is Chizuru Yukimura."

I told them everything. How I lived in Edo. How I'd come to Kyoto to find my father...

"Oh, then you're from Edo as well? And you came all the way to Kyoto to find your father?!"

I could see emotion welling up in Kondou's eyes as he spoke. "What business did your father have in Kyoto?"

"My father was a doctor. His name is Kodo Yukimura, and he specializes in western medicine—"

Hijikata's eyes widened, "What?!"

"Huh...?"

The moment my father's name crossed my lips, the atmosphere in the room changed.

"Oh my... So the good doctor Kodo has a daughter?"

I looked at Sanan, "You know my father...?"

I wasn't sure what the sudden silence meant, only that the revelation of my parentage had caused a pronounced change in their behavior.

It was Saito who finally broke the silence.

"The Shinsengumi is currently attempting to determine the whereabouts of Dr. Kodo Yukimura."

"You're after my father?! Why?!"

Okita shook his head and smiled at me, "Oh, now, you've got us all wrong. We're not, uh, _after_ him."

"Oh... I see."

Tension that I hadn't noticed appear began to dissipate.

Okita continued, "He's a fellow supporter of the shogun, but... Well, he kind of disappeared a little while ago."

"There's a reasonable chance that the enemies of the shogun have identified him as a threat." Saito added.

"Ah!"

My eyes went wide, but Saito kept talking as if I'd done nothing.

"There is also a chance, of course, that he's still alive. Doctors trained in western medicine are valuable and rare."

I wasn't sure what else to do, so I nodded.

My heart pounded in my chest, threatening to burst out onto the floor.

"Father..."

Was he safe?

Sanan glanced at me reassuringly, "But with you, we have a much better chance of finding the good doctor."

"...Huh?"

Sanan continued. Apparently my father had only visited a small number of times. I understood then what he'd meant: It would be difficult for them to track down someone they barely knew.

"You are his daughter, however. You ought to be able to recognize him no matter how he may have disguised himself, yes?"

"...Yes, I could."

I nodded as I spoke, and gave him what I hoped was a steady, reassuring smile.

Hijikata appeared annoyed yet slightly relieved, "Well, if she is his daughter, we can't really kill her, can we..."

"...Which means more work for me." his eyes added. They narrowed as he looked down at me.

"If you swear you'll forget about what you saw last night, then we'll look after you until you can find your father. Fair?"

Kondou nodded in agreement, "I promise that the Shinsengumi will do whatever they can to help you find Dr. Kodo!"

"Th-Thank you so much!"

I'd never imagined something like this!

Not only had I survived, I'd found my first decent lead.

Okita smirked at me, "You must be pretty glad we won't be killing you, huh? ...Well, won't be killing you just now, at any rate."

He gave me that same wolfish grin.

There was no denying my situation was still less than desirable, but at the moment I didn't care.

"Yes. I'm _very_ glad."

I'd been through a lot, but at last I'd found help, and where I'd never have expected it: the Shinsengumi.

Kyoto hadn't been kind to me, even though I'd been there less than a day, but it looked as though my fortunes were taking a turn for the better. I still had a long way to go, and I had worries aplenty, but it was important to stay optimistic.

Kondou suddenly appeared concerned, "I'd prefer to place you in the custody of the Judiciary Commissioner or the Aizu rather than keep you in a house full of men, but..."

He let the sentence hang in the air, and looked at me, his arms folded.

It was clear I had no choice but to stay with the Shinsengumi.

Saito glanced at me, "Should you require anything, you need only ask. We will do what we can to accommodate you."

"Oh..."

His expression didn't change, but his words were unexpectedly warm. I looked away from him awkwardly, but I still felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"Thank you..."

Nagakura grinned, "W-well, I guess we'll have to be nicer to you now that we know you're a girl."

Toudou laughed, "You're always nice to the ladies, Shin. Sure didn't take long for you to change your tune once you figured out she was a girl though, huh?"

Harada chuckled as well, "Ah, whatever. Having a lady here at headquarters is sure gonna brighten things up, won't it?"

"Um..."

I wasn't entirely sure that would be the outcome.

"Still, we can hardly treat her as one of our soldiers," said Sanan, "Something else must be done with her."

Hijikata seemed annoyed again, "Then make her a page or something. You want an assistant, Kondou? How about you, Sanan?"

He gave a small shrug. Whatever was done with me, it seemed he no longer cared.

Okita smirked at him, "Oh, come on now, Hijikata. It's your idea, you can't just pawn her off on someone else."

Kondou clearly agreed on this, "Ah, excellent! I believe we can trust Toshi with her!"

Kondou's face split with a wide smile, and he slapped his leg in agreement.

Sanan smiled at him, "Well, there you have it, Hijikata. I hope you'll take good care of her."

His smile had more than a little of a mocking twist to it.

...

...

"...You sons of _bitches._" Hijikata clearly did not appreciate me being dumped on him.

"Um..."

As I watched their back-and-forth, some of my earlier relief began to ebb away...

What was going to happen to me?


	3. Chapter 1-2

_Moving slow as far as view are concerned... But, well whatcha gonna do... Anyway..._

_DISCLAIMER: Same as in first chapter..._

* * *

CHAPTER 1-2

February 1864

I slid the door open, and a breath of cool morning air met me. Clumps of thick clouds trundled silently over the city, an unusually strong wind driving them along.

I shivered, "It's cold today..."

I grabbed a jacket from near the door to wrap around myself. A week had passed since I'd begun living in the headquarters of the Shinsengumi.

They allowed me to roam around the compound as I pleased, and I was given a room of my own.

They weren't the best accommodations, but given that they'd very nearly murdered me instead, I thought it best not to complain.

"Still..."

I looked down at my feet on the cold floor and sighed.

"Do I really need to dress like this all the time?"

They'd given me a place to live, for the time being, but it hadn't been without conditions...

_Flashback_

Previous night...

Hijikata sighed seeming very tired, "The Shinsengumi will look after you, but we can't have a woman running around our headquarters."

As he explained, if rumors were to spread that the Shinsengumi were keeping a woman in their compound, tongues would begin to wag.

It might even bring the people who were after my father to the Shinsengumi in search of me.

Of course, they hadn't been able to determine whether or not he'd even been attacked.

There were a great many questions left unanswered.

We could ill-afford any reckless decisions.

Or so Hijikata had told me.

"In other words," he continued, "we need you to keep pretending to be a man. I doubt that's what you had wanted to hear, but you do it or you're out on your ass. Clear?"

I nodded, "...yes."

His reasoning was sound.

But perhaps more than that, I knew he was looking out not only for the Shinsengumi, but also for the safety of my father and myself.

I didn't have a choice, of course, but knowing that made following his orders at least somewhat more palatable.

Sanan smiled at me from where he sat to the left of Hijikata, "I doubt you would do so intentionally, but the presence of a woman could...ah...disrupt morale, so to speak."

His tone suggested he was joking, but it was clear that he was telling the truth as well.

"For that reason," he continued, "only we, the Shinsengumi's leadership, will know the truth of your situation."

If word were to get out, there was no telling how fast rumors could spread, or to where. I had to stay a boy.

"All right then. What should I do while I'm here?"

Okita opened his mouth but Hijikata beat him to it, "Nothing. You're gonna get a room, and you're gonna stay in it."

Okita smirked at him, "Really? I could have sworn we decided she was going to be someone's page..."

...

Hijikata turned toward Okita and his eyes narrowed to angry slits, "Souji... Keep your tongue in your mouth or I'll cut the fucking thing off."

_Flashback End_

Before long, I'd been there for a week.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice... I'd prefer otherwise, of course, but I'll do what I have to."

I wasn't quite sure what to make of it yet, but since I'd been dressing like a boy, I'd grown rather used to the feel of wearing pants, and of having the kodachi my father had given me always at my hip.

He'd presented me with it when I was only a child, and impressed upon me at least some sense of its importance.

Supposedly, it had been in the Yukimura family for generations.

As such, I was forced to take lessons in swordplay, so I knew which end was meant for the enemy, but...

I had never much cared for weapons.

They hurt people, of course, but it was more than that, at least for me.

For as far back as I could remember, any wounds I suffered healed at an incredible rate. Small cuts would disappear overnight.

As a child I'd thought nothing of it, but as I grew older I began to realize that I was not quite normal. When I asked my father, he told me that it was a gift from the gods, but that I should tell no one of it.

I didn't tell anyone, of course. I was afraid they would treat me like a monster if they knew.

Ever since then, I'd done my best not to get hurt. I stayed as far away from blades as I could, and before I realized it, I was rather afraid of them.

Dressing as a man all the time was frustrating, as was carrying a sword, but it was my condition that worried me the most.

"Still..."

That wasn't the only thing on my mind.

The rank-and-file soldiers had been treating me coldly.

"I'm not just...imagining it, right...?"

I'd heard having a private room was a rare privilege, even for the captains. For a child to appear out of nowhere, and be given better treatment than their own captains... it was little wonder the soldiers resented me.

"True. I suppose I can't really blame them..."

Also, quite simply, I felt bad.

I was enjoying the hospitality, such as it was, of the Shinsengumi, and so I felt I should help them in some way, but I knew noting of soldiers and their ways.

There wasn't much opportunity for me to learn, either: Hijikata had instructed me to leave my room as little as possible.

From time to time, the captains or other officers would send me on one errand or another, but I was nothing approaching a page.

Most of the duties they gave me were things more suited for a maid than a soldier, and it made the rest of the men even more resentful, for what appeared to be special treatment.

"They're just...watching me."

To make sure I kept my mouth shut, they took turns keeping watch over me. My mistakes could mean serious trouble for them, so they were doing their best to keep me away from the other soldiers.

"Hmm..."

Then again, perhaps I was just a poor actor. Their soldiers almost never spoke to me, but when they _did_, it was difficult for me to act...manly. All too often, the captains had to step in to cover for me.

Each time they did, it made it seem as though I couldn't even manage to speak for myself, and I felt even worse.

"If I'm really going to stay here, I'd like to be friends with at least some of them... But I can't exactly tell them the truth, can I?"

Indeed I couldn't, and so I had no choice but to stay out of the way and keep to myself. it wasn't a pleasant existence, and I was beginning to feel depressed.

"If I'm supposed to stay out of the way, then I shouldn't be leaving my room, but..."

I very much wanted to go look for my father.

However, even after a week had passed, I was still not allowed to leave headquarters.

I'd come to Kyoto in search of my father, but for the time being it seemed that search had been stopped in its tracks.

"Hmm..."

Perhaps, I thought, I could talk to Hijikata. If he would give me permission to look for my father...

"...Oh, no, that's right..."

Hijikata had left on a trip to Osaka several days before.

...

...

"Perhaps...I can sneak out while he's not here..."

...

I wasn't sure what to do...

If I was honest, staying in the room was awfully boring.

"No, you need to follow Hijikata's orders, Chizuru."

I shook my head to clear it, and tried to forget about temptation. I didn't want to cause any more trouble than I already had. The consequences would...not be good.

"*sigh*"

I looked around the room, feeling somewhat forlorn. It was a very nice room, but it was nearly completely empty. Not uncomfortable, per se, but not comfortable either, and there was nothing with which I might make the time pass.

"And Here I thought I'd gotten used to doing nothing..."

My father's business had taken him out of the house frequently, sometimes for days at a time, and so I'd spent a good deal of time home on my own.

"This isn't quite the same, though... Back then, I always knew he'd be back, eventually."

Waiting for someone you knew would return, and waiting for...for what, you didn't quite know, are two very different things.

"When will I be able to start looking for Father again, I wonder..."

I let out another frustrated sigh.

Sudden approaching footsteps from outside my room drew my attention to the open doorway.

"Yukimura!"

It was Kondou!

"I've been looking for you!" he continued. "I didn't think you'd be _here_!"

He smiled brilliantly at me, as he stepped into the room a tray in one hand.

"Um...I'm...sorry...?"

I wasn't sure what to make of his words, so instead I gave him an awkward sort of bow.

He stepped further into the room, still smiling, then paused and gave me an odd look.

"Wait a moment..." he started, "Is this your room?"

...

Until then I hadn't thought about it, but since they'd brought me in, this was the first time I'd seen Kondou.

"For now, yes." I sighed.

The moment the words were out of my mouth, his eyes went wide.

"O-Oh no... Then...then I barged into a woman's room without announcing myself!"

Not wanting him to fully embrace Captain Panic, I quickly said, "Oh no, it's fine."

I gestured at the rest of the room as he took a step back toward the door.

"After all," I continued with what I hoped was a kind smile, "It isn't as though there's anything here I wouldn't want you to see."

He still seem unsure, so I beckoned for him to come back in.

He sighed in frustration, "Arg... We'd decided you would be Toshi's page, so I'd assumed your room would be next to his..."

"Um..."

Hijikata had, of course, failed to tell Kondou that I had yet to be made a page. I wasn't surprised.

It wasn't too hard to see what was going on.

"I'm not really prepared to entertain, but you're welcome to come in, if you'd like."

Yup.

An official invitation seemed to dispel most of his concern, and his smile creased his face again.

"Oh no, you needn't feel nervous around me. While you're here, you're a guest of the Shinsengumi."

With that, he placed the tray on the floor between us and sat down.

I looked at what was on the tray and my eyes widened, "Th-This is..."

I could barely stifle a sudden squeal of delighted excitement. Kondou coughed, doing his best to look nonchalant.

"Do you...ah...like sweets? I found some of these in the cupboard, and I thought..."

I tore my eyes away from the candy and smiled at him, "I do. In fact, I like these especially."

Some of the tension left his face, and he grinned at me. On the plate, he'd arranged several colorful candies and a cup of warm green tea.

"So, what do you think?" he said cheerfully, "If you'd like to have some, go ahead."

He looked right at me and smiled hopefully, as if to say "I hope you like them!"

"Thank you very much."

I reached out cautiously, and took one of the candies.

"...He he..."

It had been a while since I'd had any sweets.

Something about the small, colorful candy seemed so adorable that I couldn't help but smile.

Kondou didn't laugh at my admittedly childish reaction. Instead, he just smiled warmly.

His eyes suddenly looked concerned, "Oh, yes... I've heard you haven't been allowed to go outside."

I set the empty tea cup down, "That's true."

I could see his brows draw together in deeper concern.

I quickly added, "...There's no point in rushing it, though."

If I ran off without their permission, I'd almost certainly cause problems for the men who'd promised to help me.

For the time being, I would simply have to be patient.

Kondou sighed, "I know how he appears, but Toshi is the sort of man who can't help but care for others."

Hijikata...caring? That didn't seem right. But then again, I told myself, Kondou knows him much better than you.

"He may be a little strict with you," he continued, "but only because he has your best interests at heart."

That made a little more sense.

"I think... If the commander doesn't think it's time for me to go out yet, then I trust him."

I hadn't spent much time with him, but it wasn't hard to see that Hijikata was no fool. He was intimidating, of course, but he was a good person.

Kondou nodded and grinned, "I'll speak with Toshi. You're bored, I know, but I have to ask you to hang on a little longer."

"All right. Thank you."

He hadn't done much, to be honest, but Kondou's visit had cheered me greatly. I suppose I was rather easily pleased if an afternoon with warm tea was all it took to make me happy.

xxxxxx

* * *

I watched shadows drift up my wall as the orange light of the sun painted my room the color of autumn leaves.

"How long am I going to do this...?"

Solitude was proving detrimental to any sort of continued optimism. All my thoughts eventually turned dark and hopeless.

It was depressing, but most of all it was frustrating. How could I let myself be discouraged to easily?

Fairly easily, actually. I'd been swept up in a frightening world I didn't understand and couldn't possibly control.

"I can't possibly figure out what's happening to Father if I'm stuck here..." I mumbled to myself. "Only Hijikata can give me permission to leave, and he's gone..."

All I could do was wait.

Lamenting things I couldn't change wouldn't improve my situation, and would arguably make it worse.

"Hm..."

Still, there was at least one thing I had to be thankful for.

"At least they've all been nice to me..." I chided.

I knew I couldn't trust the men of the Shinsengumi completely. They were, after all, men who could take life in the blink of an eye.

It would be all to easy for the next life they took to be mine.

"They're nice men, deep down...right?" I asked no one in particular.

"Has anyone ever called you gullible?"

"Ah-!"

My voice froze in my throat.

I turned slowly to find Okita standing behind me.

"Wh-What are you doing here?!" I snapped.

He laughed, "Oh, you didn't notice me? Well, it's my turn to keep watch."

"..."

Of course, I was under surveillance. Which meant...

"Did you hear everything I said...?"

"Hm?"

He said nothing, only smiled and blinked laconically.

"..."

He'd heard me. He had definitely heard me!

I wanted to scream again, but before I could open my mouth Saito stepped out from behind the door.

"I think that's enough fraternizing, Souji."

He gave a small smile.

...

I blinked at him, my heart racing, "Were you here the whole time too?!"

"I arrived only moments ago." was his answer.

"Oh, thank goodness..."

I pressed my hand to my chest, in an effort to calm my pounding heart.

"U-Um, I'm sorry... For...for screaming like that..."

His smile widened a fraction, "It's nothing. And at any rate, it isn't as though you were saying anything that might cause trouble for you."

"Ah!"

Then...he _had_ heard me?!

"T-True, I didn't say anything, um, bad, but still-!"

It's embarrassing being caught talking to oneself! I was so embarrassed... Saito looked from me to Okita and back and his brows drew together almost imperceptibly.

"I came to tell you that dinner is ready, but... Have I interrupted something?"

"What?! Oh! No! Nothing at all!"

I shook my head emphatically.

Slight amusement and annoyance permeated in Saito's eyes, "I had intended to wait until you and Souji finished your discussion, but..."

He let the words hang in the air, but his eyes said that he'd determined we'd continue forever if he didn't interrupt. I had opened my mouth to say...I'm not sure what, when—

Heisuke shot through the door. The moment he saw the three of us, his face fell.

"Hey! Guys! Dinnertime!" he said in annoyance.

Saito blinked at him, "My apologies, Heisuke. I'll be there presently."

The younger captain smiled and then turned to me with a grin, "Yeah, yeah. You too, Chizuru. Hurry up or it's all gonna be gone by the time you get there."

I smiled back, "Sorry, Toudou. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He turned to leave, but stopped just as he reached the door. I saw him purse his lips for a moment, and then he spoke.

"Look...um, you can drop the whole 'Toudou' thing, okay? Just call me 'Heisuke.' Everybody else does."

I blinked, "Are you sure...?"

"Yeah, why not. I mean, we're about the same age anyway."

I gave him a kind smile, "All right... I'll do that then, Heisuke."

He turned and gave me a wide grin.

"Great. Sounds better already. Shall we go?"

xxxxxx

* * *

Upon entering the dining hall we were greeted by a fairly annoyed Harada and Nagakura.

Sano placed his hand on his hip, "You're late," he grumbled.

Nagakura folded his arms and glared up at us from where he sat; a plate of food already set before him, "You kids're late. Who's gonna answer to my crying stomach?"

Heisuke laughed and wandered over to sit next to him, "You mean 'growling,' Shin. Really, he's so simple sometimes..."

He really shouldn't have said anything, for this only proved to annoy Shinpachi further, "You guys oughta apologize to my stomach! He wanted to dig in, but I said, 'No, we've gotta wait for 'em.'"

Sano sighed and shook his head, "You're such a softie, Shin..." he then looked to me and patted the floor next to him and once we were all seated with food before us, "All right guys, it's time to eat, and that means every man for himself."

And with that, Nagakura and Heisuke began our meal's entertainment.

Nagakura began eying what was on his plate and then turned to Heisuke, "Man, there's barely enough here to feed a kid, let alone a man. So I'll just have to...take yours!"

He lunged forward, chopsticks in hand, at Heisuke's tray of food, only to have his utensils stopped in mid lunge by _Heisuke_'_s_ chopsticks.

Thus began quite an amusing scene.

"Survival of the fittest!" sniped Nagakura, "This food is mine!"

Heisuke glared at his friend as they struggled, "Hey! Why do you always steal _my_ food?!"

Nagakura grinned and then, "Ahahahaha! It's 'cause of the difference in size, kid! I got a bigger body. That means I need more food!"

As if that explained it...

Heisuke bared his teeth, "Well I'm still growing, old man, so I gotta eat more too!"

Sano sighed seeming slightly embarrassed by his two friends, "Sorry you had to see this, Chizuru. They're always like this."

"Eh heh, heh. I've gotten used to it."

Saito seemed to be ignoring all of us but then he said, "Is acceptance of such insanity not somewhat frightening?" Then he noticed the two, at the moment, silly child men eying his food, "...That food is mine." And gave them both a look that caused them to avert their attention back to their own food.

I glanced at Okita and noticed he hadn't touched his plate of food; apparently the small jug of sake was all he wanted, "Oh... Why aren't you taking anything?"

He smiled and took a sip before saying, "Yeah, I'm good. If I get too full I start getting slow."

Nagakura laughed at that, "Hey! Wadda ya mean, 'Slow'?! ...Ah whatever, I'm taking that!"

He then lunged again at Heisuke's plate but this time the poor boy was too slow and watched stunned as Nagakura started munching on 'his' fish.

Heisuke looked ready to start throwing punches but then he glanced at Okita's untouched plate.

Okita noticed this and immediately said, "Go for it. So long as I got a little sake to sip, I'm good."

Sano smile at that, "Then I guess I'm going with sake, too."

Okita then looked to me and said, "Don't worry about being a freeloader or anything, Chizuru. Just eat your little heart out, okay?"

I gave him a small smile, "I...I know. I can't help but feel a _little_ bad, though!"

Saito who had seemed to be ignoring us again, said, "Well, if you let that get to you, you're gonna lose. You have to protect what's yours."

"O-Okay!"

...

It was...actually rather fun to have dinner with such a strange group of men. I'd eaten alone for so long that to do so with others was frightening and exhilarating all at once.

"See, there's that smile. You oughta do that more often. We aren't gonna hurt you."

I glanced up to find Sano looking at me.

"Harada..."

His mouth curled up into an honest smile of his own.

Had I really looked so down? Perhaps they were all trying to cheer me up...

I wasn't quite sure how to feel.

There was a part of me that felt bad, while another part felt a certain amount of joy.

The joy seemed to be winning out, however, and I was smiling to myself when Inoue stepped in from the hall.

"Gentlemen, do you have a moment?"

As usual, his voice was warm, but in his eyes was a level solemnity I'd never seen before, at least during our thus-far brief acquaintance.

The warmth of the room disappeared almost immediately.

"I've just received word from Osaka. Sanan has been gravely injured in battle."

"What?!"

They all went quiet.

Inoue continued. Sanan had gone to investigate a report of several ronin harassing a cloth merchant. He'd managed to drive them off, but not before being wounded by the ronin.

I had to know, "Is he going to be alright?"

He pursed his lips, "It wasn't his sword arm that was wounded. He's almost certain to survive, but wielding a blade will be difficult for him."

"Oh, thank goodness..."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, but it seemed that the rest of the room didn't share my relief.

He then looked to the captains, "He should be returning here in a few days. Now please, excuse me. I must speak with Kondou."

He turned as he spoke, his last words delivered over his shoulder, and was gone.

It was Saito who eventually broke the awkward silence.

"A sword is not made to be carried in a single hand. If his injury is severe, he may never carry a blade again."

"Oh..."

At last, I understood.

Yes, Sanan was alive. But without the ability to wield a sword...

Sanan the man had survived the encounter with the ronin, but Sanan the warrior had not.

"Fighting with a single hand," Saito continued, "would mean less strength behind the blows. Against an opponent of similar skill, he would almost certainly lose."

"Of course..."

Fighting with one hand would be fighting at half strength. Even a skilled warrior would have trouble.

Okita sighed, "If push comes to shove, he'll have to take it. I don't think Sanan's just going to give up."

Nagakura narrowed his eyes at him, "Don't jinx him, Souji. It's gonna look bad if officers start joining the Corps."

"Huh...?"

Wait... That didn't make any sense.

"But...what do you mean 'Corps'? Isn't that the Shinsengumi?"

I didn't understand... What was the "Corps" if it wasn't the Shinsengumi itself? But the way they'd said it, they couldn't have been referring to the Shinsengumi.

Heisuke glanced at me and said, "Well normally, yeah. You might call the Shinsengumi the 'Elite Volunteer Corps.' When we talk about "the Corps," though, we—"

"Heisuke!" shouted Sano

"Huh?!"

Before I could move, Harada was on his feet and halfway across the room. I barely had time to gasp before he drove his fist into Heisuke sending the boy rolling into a wall.

Heisuke brought a hand to his face, "Ow..."

Having already jumped to my feet I started to move forward, "Heisuke! Are you all right?!" but Nagakura stopped me.

He sighed, "Sano, you're overreacting. Heisuke, think before you open that damn mouth!"

His eyes were cold and hard as he turned to look straight at me.

It was clear Heisuke had told me something he shouldn't have, but...what?

"Sorry..."

After a moment, Harada gave the younger man a curt nod of apology, and Heisuke responded with a quick pained smile.

"Nah, I should've been watching what I said. Still... Sano, you start throwin' those things around way too easily."

His punch had hit with enough force to knock a lesser man out cold, but Heisuke seemed only slightly the worse for wear. It had never been clearer that I was not among normal people.

Nagakura gave me an annoyed look, "That's all you're going to hear about this particular topic, Chizuru. I'm sure you're curious, but we can't tell you anything else, so don't ask."

His voice was friendly enough, but his eyes gave his words a cold weight that made me feel almost uncomfortable.

"But..."

How was I supposed to just drop it?

Okita decided to cut in at that moment, "The Corps that Heisuke was talking about are men to be pitied."

His voice was flat: emotionless.

"Um..."

His eyes were grim, and there was a sudden chill melancholy about him. I couldn't bring myself to say anything more.

Thankfully, Nagakura stepped in to break the silence.

"It's nothing you need to worry yourself about." His previous look of annoyance had been replaced with a kind smile, "you don't have to get all worked up."

"..."

I was only a guest in their house, not a warrior of the Shinsengumi.

I didn't need to know the truth behind whatever secrets the Shinsengumi kept. I'd known that from the beginning.

...That knowledge was little comfort, however.

Saito glance at me and said, "Put it from your mind. Involving yourself in our affairs will only put you in greater danger."

I bit my lip and kept silent.

The wall between us was nearly a physical thing, and it was far too large an obstacle for me to defeat easily.

xxxxxx

* * *

"*sigh*"

I finished my dinner in sad silence, excused myself, and returned to my room

I had a great deal to think about.

"The Shinsengumi...hm..."

I knew of the Shinsengumi, of course. Their name meant "Elite Volunteer Corps."

But this "Corps" they'd mentioned... It seemed to be something different.

"So Sanan is part of the Shinsengumi... But he shouldn't be part of the 'Corps'...?"

The way they'd said it, it seemed as if this "Corps" was another entity, inside the Shinsengumi...

...

...

"Argh!"

No! I wasn't supposed to think about those things! I was only going to get myself in trouble if I stuck my nose where it didn't belong.

If I saw or heard the wrong thing, I could even end up dead.

"If I die, I'll have a hard time looking for my father..."

There were people who care about me, and my death would no doubt sadden them.

With that in mind, I did my best to but the day's event out of my head, and climbed onto my thin futon.


	4. Chapter 1-3

CHAPTER 1-3

JULY 1864

It was later that day that Hijikata called for me.

"Excuse me."

I had been relieved to find Okita and Heisuke had been summoned along with me. A private conversation with only myself and Hijikata would have been cause for a significant case of nerves.

"..."

I was still trying to puzzle out what to say when Hijikata began to speak, his voice cold as tempered steel.

"You can leave the compound."

"Really?!"

His announcement was so sudden that I found I couldn't contain my enthusiasm. Hijikata, however, retained his composure.

"You're going to be accompanying whoever's on duty. You jump when they say jump, and die when they say die. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

At last, I would be able to go outside!

I would finally be able to begin searching for my father!

My answers wouldn't show themselves immediately, I knew, but at least I was free to look for them!

Hijikata looked away from me to address the other two.

"Souji. Heisuke. You're on patrol today, right?"

"Oh, I get it now," said Heisuke, "That's why you pulled us in here right?"

The confusion that had been on his face since I'd entered lifted at last.

He gestured to Okita, "I think it's going to be Souji's turn this time, though." He turned to his fellow captain, "The 1st Division's doing rounds today, isn't it?"

Okita nodded and turned to Hijikata, "Yes, Heisuke and the 8th are going out tonight, so I think he has a point. She'll be safer during the afternoon."

He nodded at Heisuke and gave me a quick wink.

"Don't forget: If you run, I'll kill you. And if we get jumped by ronin, I'm not sticking around to pull your ass out of the fire, okay?"

He wasn't being serious, but Hijikata turned his cold glare on Okita and frowned.

"No, it's not okay, you idiot. Why the hell do you think I'm sending her with you?"

Okita's only response was a short snort of a laugh.

"I won't run."

I knew he wasn't being serious, but I couldn't stand to keep my mouth shut.

"When I came here, we made a deal. I promised. The Shinsengumi would help me find my father, and I would keep quiet and not run away."

And I still wanted to find him; just as much as I had the day I first met the Shinsengumi.

"I'll keep my promise." I looked to Okita, "So please, keep yours."

I gave him a short bow, never taking my eyes off his face.

The smirk that had been on his face when I'd begun had shrunk to something smaller and more than a little awkward.

"My apologies," he started, "I guess I underestimated you. You should realize, though, that there's no way to know what could happen out there. If you come with us, you're putting yourself in danger. If that's all right with you, then feel free to join us on our rounds."

Even I knew that Kyoto was...not safe.

But I didn't care. I had to find my father. At that moment, any possible dangers seemed immaterial.

"The Choshu have been acting up," started Hijikata grimly, "We don't know what they're up to, but chances are it's bad for us." He turned to me, "I'd rather not be sending you out."

He seemed to be almost talking to himself, but his tone was stern and thoughtful.

The soldiers of the Choshu Domain were part of the imperial nationalist party.

They had increasingly been turning to force in their pursuit of these goals.

The Shinsengumi, on the other hand, were loyal to the shogun.

Since their masters were at odds, the Shinsengumi and the Choshu Domain were enemies. It occurred to me that the increased activity of the Choshu Domain had likely made it difficult for the Shinsengumi to shoulder a burden such as me.

I gave Hijikata an inquisitive look, "What are you giving me permission to leave the compound at a time like this, then?"

Hijikata's face hardened, and he looked away.

"Kodo hasn't gone back to Edo, and we've heard that a couple people saw someone around Kyoto. It might not be him, but it matches his description."

For a moment he looked troubled, "Besides, I've kept you locked up for almost half a year. The Choshu are a threat, but if it wasn't them, it'd be something else. I have to let you out sometime, or you'll never find anything."

"..."

It wasn't what I'd expected to hear from him.

He was right that they'd postponed my search for my father for quite some time. What I hadn't expected was that he would give any thought to my feelings on the matter.

"Um... Thank you very much."

I bowed as I spoke, not sure what else I could do to express my gratitude. Hijikata only turned back to his work.

Heisuke turned to me with a bright smile, "Besides, plenty of our guys aren't feeling so hot these days. We aren't exactly in top condition, are we?"

Heisuke's joking didn't seem to appeal to Hijikata, who only frowned more deeply.

"We'll it has been awfully hot lately..."

And it certainly had been. Day after day, the sun burned down on Kyoto from a cloudless sky, and all of the rooms in the compound were so humid that I felt dizzy as soon as I stepped inside.

I had heard that the heat had been too much for some of the Shinsengumi's and they'd taken ill.

Hijikata spoke to me over his shoulder, a hint of internal struggle in his tone, "If you want to go, you can go. You have my permission."

"All right."

I sat there for a moment and considered my options.

There was something in his words and demeanor that told me he didn't want me to leave the compound.

Still, if I was with Okita or Heisuke, I had no doubt that I'd be safe and well-protected; on the other hand, my presence could easily be an undue burden to them.

What was I to do?

xxxxxx

* * *

In the end, I decided not to leave.

They had enough on their minds without having to worry about me.

"Still..."

I couldn't keep myself from feeling a little sad about it. I gave my head a shake.

"All right... What should I do today?"

For the past six months, I'd done little more than run inconsequential errands for the Shinsengumi.

I'd also helped clean the compound and prepare meals, and eventually I'd learned how best to help without getting in the way.

Most of my time was spent with the captains, but on the occasions where I'd bump into the rank-and-file soldiers, I'd gotten to a point where I could speak to them easily enough, probably because they thought I was just a page.

My desire to find my father had kept me from trying to run away.

"I think they've finally started to trust me... At least I hope they have."

Some of them still weren't terribly nice to me, like Okita, but by and large they'd begun to give me a little more freedom.

...

...It sure was hot...

...

"What should I do today..."

...

My mind was completely blank. It was too hot to think.

"Of course!"

I'd go to the central courtyard!

There was usually a breeze there, and if I stayed in the shade, it would probably be quite cool.

xxxxxx

* * *

"..."

My hopes and dreams of a comfortable afternoon were shattered.

I sighed in frustration, "There's no wind!"

The sun's heat was unrelenting.

Normally, a nice, cool breeze would have given me a chance to feel comfortable, but...

I had a feeling it was going to be a bad day.

Shade was the best I could hope for, it seemed. I sighed, and sat down in the deepest shade I could find.

As I watched the sun roast Kyoto, something occurred to me.

"Oh...right... My father's been here, hasn't he?"

They'd told me as much, but they hadn't told me why.

Had he been tending to the injured? Or perhaps educating the Shinsengumi on how to avoid illness?

"Hmmm..."

No, that didn't sound like him.

He'd visited only a few times, or so I'd been told. If he'd really been the Shinsengumi's doctor, then he would have visited far more often.

Which left me with the question...why?

...

It had already been made clear to me that the Shinsengumi had plenty of secrets that I wasn't meant to know. I had a feeling that whatever my father had been up to, it'd had something to do with those secrets.

"No...that can't be right...can it...?"

I shook my head again, trying my best to dispel the dark thoughts taking shape there.

"What 'can't be right'?"

"Ah!"

I spun around to find that Sanan had walked up behind me, utterly undetected and unannounced.

"Oh! Sanan! Is it...all right for you to be walking around...?"

He almost appeared hurt by my question, "Please. I'm no bedridden invalid. There is nothing wrong with me."

But when he spoke, there was a hint of coldness to his words.

"...Although I suppose my left hand is something of an invalid."

"..."

I couldn't bear to look at the sad, twisted smile he gave me.

His arm hadn't healed, and it seemed certain now that it never would.

The rest of the captains seemed sure that he would never be able to use his arm as he'd done before.

He gave me an inquisitive glance, "And what are you doing? Are you allowed out of your room? You haven't been given the run of our headquarters, I'm sure."

I blushed involuntarily, "Yes, I know... I'm sorry."

They usually let me walk around as I pleased, so long as I didn't go into anyone's room, but I knew that, technically, I was still confined to my quarters. Whatever freedom I had was out of kindness, nothing more.

In other words, Sanan was right. If he decided to chastise me for being in the courtyard, I had no reasonable response.

"There were some things I wanted to think about." I told him. "I had hoped the courtyard would be cooler than my room..."

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I realized they sounded far more like childish excuses than any sort of real explanation.

Sanan smirked at me, "When you sneak about without permission, it makes it seem as if you have something to hide."

I struggled not to look away, "I'm sorry..."

My explanation had been poor, certainly, but he could have at least pretended to acknowledge it...

Still, I was beginning to grow accustomed to the subtle cruelty that seemed to accompany each word out of Sanan's mouth.

"All right... I'm going back to my room, then," I said as I turned to walk away.

Sanan's unpleasantness had started after he'd been injured during his trip to Osaka. He spent most of his time locked in his room now, and he was quick to take out his frustration on other people.

I knew the loss of his arm had hurt him, probably more than I could understand, but... I wished that he could go back to being the warm, kind man he'd been when I'd met him.

"..."

I turned around to see him still standing there.

"Um..." I hesitated a moment, "It's really hot out today. You should try and stay out of the sun. And...please take care of yourself."

I gave him a nervous little laugh, and he responded with a chuckle of his own.

His smile didn't look forced.

"Thank you. Take care of yourself as well."

"Okay!"

Somewhere in there, the Sanan I'd first met was still there.

My spirits lifted, I ran back to my room.

xxxxxx

* * *

It was later that evening that the compound exploded with activity.

I was walking down the hall when I heard footsteps, and turned to see Nagakura coming toward me.

"Um...Nagakura?"

I glanced at the stuff clutched in his hands, "What's that for?"

He glanced down almost absently at his hands, which held a candle and an exceptionally long needle.

"One of the Choshu guys we picked up isn't talkin'." He cleared his throat, "The commander's gonna talk to him personally, but he said he didn't have the right, uh, tools, and sent me out to get these."

"I don't understand."

I got that they'd captured someone, but what were the needle and candle for?

"Hah! Look, kid, ignorance is bliss, all right? Don't think about it too much."

He gave me another bark of laughter, and then headed past me down the hall. I still didn't know what he'd meant.

xxxxxx

* * *

As the sun began to set, the activity in the compound reached a fever pitch.

"Heisuke!"

He shot past my door as I called out, then wheeled back around.

"What happened? All the men are running around..." I felt suddenly hopeful, "Did you get some information out of that Choshu man you captured?"

He nodded as a grin creased his excited features, "It looks like they're having a meeting right now. We're getting ready for a raid."

"Oh..."

Heisuke went on to explain that the Shinsengumi would be splitting into two groups and searching locations at opposite ends of the city.

Kondou would take ten men to the Ikeda Inn, and Hijikata would take twenty-four to the Shikoku Inn.

Heisuke's eyes were suddenly serious and a little irritated, "I heard that they're probably at Shikoku. Gotta say I'm kinda pissed the chief's sendin' me to the Ikeda..."

They'd send more men with Hijikata because they thought he'd probably be seeing action. Kondou and his men were just to make sure they covered all their bases.

"You mean there aren't even forty men ready to move...?"

I'd known that the heat and close quarters had made some of the men sick, but I hadn't known it was so many.

Heisuke sighed, clearly troubled by this, "We sent word to the Aizu and the Judiciary commissioner, but it's looking like they're just gonna sit on their hands..."

"It sounds like you've got your work cut out for you..."

Unfortunately, there wasn't much I could offer him apart from sympathy.

I had a feeling it was going to be a difficult night.

...

After all the men capable of fighting had left for their respective assignments, Sanan called for me.

xxxxxx

* * *

"I'm sure it was only out of courtesy, but the chief has asked me to protect the compound." He sighed sadly, "It's mostly empty, of course, but someone may try to attack us for that very reason. So I must ask you to stay where I can keep a close eye on you. I may need to give you orders, should the worst occur."

"Okay."

I hesitated a moment, then spoke, "Does that mean... You'll protect me?"

I wasn't sure why, but he laughed at that.

"Well, I should hope I'll be of more use than the men who've been confined to their beds, at least."

Was I supposed to be...happy?

His smile was so sad. I wasn't sure what I should say... It seemed to hurt him the most when the rest of the men were out fighting, and all he was able to do was wait.

The silence between us stretched out until suddenly the door to our room opened without a sound.

"Colonel Sanan. We've confirmed that the Choshu are meeting at Ikeda."

"The Ikeda Inn?!"

"Oh dear..." sighed Sanan, "That's less than desirable. I suppose the Shinsengumi has never been good with games of chance."

His tone was light, but his face was serious, and with good reason.

They'd been certain Shikoku was the right location and had sent only half the men to Ikeda.

Sanan turned to the man who was clearly a ninja and said, "Yamazaki, can you do me a favor?"

Yamazaki nodded curtly.

"First, go tell Hijikata that the enemy is meeting at Ikeda. He should still be on his was to Shikoku." He glanced at me and then back to Yamazaki, "And I'm sorry to trouble you with it, but I need you to take this child with you as well."

This child...?

"W-Wait..."

Was he talking about me?!

Yamazaki seemed just as surprised.

The ninja turned to Sanan, his eyes still wide, "I...don't mean to be rude, Colonel but if all you need is a message delivered, I think I can handle that by myself."

Yamazaki's cold eyes slid over to me for a moment as he spoke.

"There may be ronin out to intercept you," Sanan explained.

There was a chance Choshu had support, he continued. If Yamazaki encountered resistance, it would take longer for his message to reach Hijikata, perhaps too long. Assuming, of course, that it reached him at all.

Sanan finished with the soft smile I hadn't seen him use for weeks.

"Do you see what I'm trying to say...?"

Yamazaki nodded.

"If the worst should happen, I can hold off any Choshu ronin and give her the message."

"Oh..."

I gulped.

It sounded as if they were suggesting that if things went badly, Yamazaki would sacrifice himself.

Sanan nodded, "Yes. Of course, I doubt it will come to that." He glanced at me then back to Yamazaki, "We're short of men right now, which means there's more I need you to do. You'll need to notify the Aizu and Judiciary Commissioner as well."

That would have Yamazaki running all across Kyoto... I suppose it really drove home just how this the Shinsengumi was stretched.

Apart from Yamazaki and Sanan, the only other person able to carry messages was me.

The ninja turned to me, a stern look in his eyes, "You're Chizuru Yukimura, right? i've heard you know a little about how to protect yourself."

"Y-Yes, I do..."

He looked at me for a moment emotionless.

"Unfortunately, I can't guarantee your safety. If you can work with that, you're welcome to join me."

If I tried to run away while we were out, I had no doubt that he would kill me without hesitation.

He would see his mission as the priority, not my life.

Even so...

"I'll go!"

If I really could help, then I wanted to.

I'd lived with these men for almost half a year. They'd fed me, given me a roof over my head, and helped me look for my father.

"I can take care of myself. You don't need to worry about me."

Sanan gave me a small smile.

I knew he wanted to join the battle more than anyone, but we both knew that wasn't possible. The least I could do for him was carry out my mission.

Yamazaki turned to face Sanan, "Very well. I accept your request, Colonel."

He bowed, then turned to me. "Run with all your might," he whispered, and ran from the room.

I took after him, my legs working as hard as they could.

xxxxxx

* * *

Out into the street we ran.

I discovered quickly that half a year indoors had done little for my physique, and I was clearly out of shape.

After only a few blocks, I found myself gasping for breath.

Yamazaki glanced at me then looked forward again, "No matter what happens, follow this street. Don't look back."

I had neither the time nor the breath to respond.

When we'd left the compound, I'd already decided that I would trust Yamazaki completely.

So I didn't look back.

As I stepped into the next intersection, I saw a flash of metal out of the corner of my eye –

"Keep going!" shouted Yamazaki, "I'll catch up in a moment!"

"Right!"

I didn't look back. I kept running. I pretended i didn't hear the sounds of swords ringing against one another behind me, gritted my teeth, and ran.

My knees felt weak, and my legs shook, but I kept going. They'd have to collapse, or shake themselves to pieces, before I'd stop.

Even so, I felt so slow. I wanted to cry out, to scream at my body to go faster, _faster—_

xxxxxx

* * *

"Ah?!"

Light shone out of the darkness so suddenly that for a moment I was blinded.

My heart stopped. Was it Choshu soldiers? I froze.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I very nearly began to cry with relief as Hijikata stepped out from the shadows.

Instead, I simply collapsed as Harada reached out to grab me.

"Hey, you all right? If you left the headquarters without permission, Hijikata's gonna kill you."

I grabbed hold of Harada's hand and pulled my body to its feet.

What I wanted to tell him was that I'd had permission to leave, and explain to him that it was all right for me to be there, but I was breathing so hard I could barely speak.

Besides, I hadn't been sent to Hijikata to make excuses.

I took as deep of a breath as my shuddered lungs could manage, and spoke.

"Th-They're...they're meeting at Ikeda..."

Suddenly, Hijikata's expression changed.

"Then they _are_ at Ikeda."

I nodded rapidly.

Saito placed a calming hand on my shoulder, "Are you sure?"

Hijikata gestured toward me.

"Sanan lost his arm, not his brain. The kid didn't run away. The colonel sent us this message."

Harada whistled.

"I'm pretty impressed you found us. I didn't really think you knew Kyoto that well, kid."

"Ya...Yamazaki..."

I'd finally got some of my breath back, and I did my best to tell them what had happened.

"What about the Aizu and the Judiciary Commissioner's men? Are they on their way to Ikeda?"

I just shook my head.

Hijikata thought for a moment, then spoke.

"Saito, Harada, you take our men to Ikeda. I need to go deal with something."

Harada and Saito nodded curtly, then turned to their business.

Saito turned back to me, "Kyoto will be dangerous for you alone. Stay with us, or go with Hijikata."

I still lacked the breath to respond properly, so I simply nodded.

We both knew they couldn't leave me here – I didn't know how to get to the compound – but who should I go with?

...

The prospect of being alone with him was rather frightening, but for reasons I still don't understand, I decided to go with Hijikata.

We were quiet for a while. I felt like I should say something, but I wasn't sure what.

"..."

Instead, I kept quiet. After a moment, he glanced down at me.

"Good job with that message," he said, a small smile playing at his features, "I think it might have given us the advantage we need."

...

I'd never thought Hijikata of all people would praise me for _anything_. My heart fluttered momentarily in my chest.

Still...what did he mean by an advantage? If the battle at the Ikeda Inn had already begun, it didn't seem like we had much of an advantage at all.

xxxxxx

* * *

We stepped out from the alley and onto the central avenue.

"Um...Hijikata?"

I glanced at him.

"Why are we out here on the street?"

"What kind of man tries to hide all the time?"

"Uh...?"

I blinked, not sure what to make of that, when—

Yamazaki appeared beside us without making a sound.

"Yamazaki! You're safe!"

He didn't seem to have been hurt at all, thank goodness.

Yamazaki's eyes slid to me for a moment, then back to Hijikata.

"You're already aware of the situation at Ikeda, I assume?"

Hijikata nodded.

"Colonel Sanan ordered me to notify the Aizu," the ninja continued, "and the Judiciary Commissioner, but..."

Hijikata simply nodded again.

"Yeah. I'll have new orders for you in a few minutes. Stick close for now."

He lifted his chin a fraction of an inch, and something in his voice changed, almost imperceptibly.

"Your commander needs to go have a word with a bunch of useless bastards."

Deep in his cold eyes, I saw a spark of anger.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than they appeared: Line after line of government soldiers, marching toward us.

There were hundreds of them... Even marching abreast across the entire width of the street, they were several rows deep.

Now I understand why Hijikata had taken us out into the street; the government force would never have fit through the back alleys, and we would never have seen them.

There was something about their march, so seemly slow and unconcerned, that lit the fires of anger in my own eyes.

"But the rest of the men are still fighting at the inn..."

The Shinsengumi had only a few soldiers able to fight, but even so, they were risking their lives for the safety of Kyoto.

Didn't these government men have the same responsibility? Why weren't they rushing to help the Shinsengumi at the inn?

Perhaps my anger was more obvious than I realized, because Hijikata gave a snort of laughter.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't screw us."

With that, he stepped forward into the very middle of the street, directly in front of the advancing soldiers.

He did nothing more than move a few feet and turn to face them, but there was such authority in his movements that he could have easily been at the head of an army.

"The Shinsengumi are currently conducting an official investigation of the Ikeda Inn!" His eyes narrowed, "You will not interfere. You will not enter the Ikeda Inn."

Even I could see that the government men were going to protest Hijikata's proclamation when Yamazaki leaned over and whispered something to me.

"If we let these men walk into the inn, then they'll take credit for subduing this Choshu threat."

"What?! How could they..."

After all the Shinsengumi had done... It just didn't seem fair.

"But... But it's the men of the Shinsengumi who are risking their lives!"

Yamazaki simply looked away.

"Then you see now how little respect they have for the Shinsengumi."

If we allowed them into the inn, Yamazaki told me, then they would undoubtedly play up their own role. In fact, they would likely entirely omit the fact that the Shinsengumi had been first on the scene.

That was why the commander was making sure to keep them out.

At last I understood what Hijikata had meant earlier when he spoke of an advantage.

"B-But we must..." One of the government officials stammered.

"You really think you can fit all these men in there?" started Hijikata, "The best you'll be able to do is surround it." His brows furrowed, "...Unless you really want to send them in there to die. There's a fight going on, you know. If you value the lives of your men, I suggest you stay put."

The Official glared, "Rrrggh..."

Hijikata's tone as much as his words left no room for argument.

Until the battle ended, he stood his ground, and not a single man challenged him.

...

...And then, the sun came up.

The raid itself had lasted only two hours...

But for me, at least, it had felt far longer.

There had been twenty imperial nationalists at the Ikeda Inn. The Shinsengumi had killed seven ronin, and injured four more.

I learned later that with the help of the Aizu Domain and the Kyoto Judiciary Commissioner they had arrested twenty-three people.

The owner of the Ikeda had also been arrested, for trying to help the Choshu rebels escape.

The Shinsengumi had won an incredible victory, fighting against superior numbers in enemy territory, but they had paid dearly for it.

Okita had taken a blow to the chest, and had lost consciousness. Heisuke had been cut on the forehead, and the bleeding refused to stop.

Nagakura had injured his left hand.

One of the Shinsengumi's soldiers had lost his life at the Inn's rear entrance, and two others had been severely injured there as well.

It didn't seem likely that they would survive.

The Kyoto Military and Judiciary Commissioners – run by the Aizu and Kuwana Domains, respectively – had also fought Choshu ronin.

With their successful resolution of the Battle of Ikeda Inn, the Shinsengumi had at last made a name for themselves.

It looked as though the peace in Kyoto had been protected. Never could I have imagined what the ultimate result of their victory at the Ikeda Inn would be...


	5. Chapter 1-4

_sorry for the wait_

* * *

CHAPTER 1-4

August 1864

After the fight at the inn, I was able to leave the compound much more often.  
I suppose after what I'd done, Hijikata thought I'd earned a little more trust. I didn't feel like I'd done anything that extraordinary, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.  
On this particular day, I was out on patrol with Harada and the 10th Division.  
I glanced over at him, "Excuse me...Harada?" I hesitated a moment, "The Shinsengumi is out patrolling day and night, right? But...what exactly is it that you do?"  
Most of the men in the Shinsengumi were intimidating, death-dealing titans, but Harada was a rare exception: warm and friendly.  
He gave me a kind smile, "Well, I guess we do just about everything. Obviously we arrest people who decide they want to test out their swords on the townsfolk, and we go after people who steal or don't pay for their food. Sometimes we break up fights..."  
I blinked, "People who don't pay for their food..."  
He nodded, "And then there're those chumps who think they'll make a livin leaning on the merchants... We take care of all of that."  
It wasn't really the answer I'd expected. Most of the stuff they did wasn't nearly as...dramatic as I'd thought.  
As I thought back, I remembered how excited they'd all been when they were preparing for the raid on the Ikeda Inn. Now I understood why.  
What they'd done at the inn was a good deal more intense than their day-to-day work.  
A little further down the road a couple men in Shinsengumi blues were waving at us.  
"Nagakura!"  
Our separate rounds had brought us to the same spot.  
He smiled back, "Hey there, Chizuru! You find anything out about your dad?"  
I shook my head.  
"No, nothing today..."  
He folded his arms and sighed before a grin creased his features, "Aw c'mon, cheer up! There's always tomorrow, right?"  
"Yeah...yeah! You're right!"  
There was something contagious about his optimism.  
Harada glanced at me then turned to Nagakura, "Well, Shinpachi? You find anything exciting?"  
Nagakura's smile faded, "No, nothing in particular, but... Well, all of the people on the street are acting..busy, you know?"  
I hadn't noticed it before, but...he was right.  
They were acting strange, almost nervous.  
"Yeah," I said, "I looks like they're getting ready to move."  
Harada nodded.  
"You think maybe they're worried about getting caught in the middle of a war?"  
"...What?"  
War? There wasn't a war, was there?  
"Oh, you didn't hear?" said Nagakura, "Well, those Choshu bastards are showing up around Kyoto again. That's why we've got extra watches these days."  
Harada nodded and sighed, "Well, we did give 'em a bit of a bloody nose at Ikeda. I can't imagine they'll just stand around with some of their guys in the ground."  
Were the Choshu going to try something again?  
The Shinsengumi were doing their best to keep order in Kyoto. In fact, they'd saved the city from the rebellious plans of the Choshu once before, with their victory at the Ikeda Inn.  
But even after all they'd done, the people of Kyoto looked at the Shinsengumi with fear and distrust, and plenty of them still sided with the Choshu.  
The Shinsengumi were better regarded now than they had bee before Ikeda, but even so...  
I asked Nagakura as much, but he only laughed.  
"Not much we can do about that. Kyoto hates the Shogun."  
Harada nodded, "It doesn't matter anyway. We just do our job. The Choshu attack Kyoto, we drive 'em back. Simple."  
They accepted their situation and never complained. I had a good deal of respect for Harada and Nagakura.  
Nagakura's grin faded, "If they don't back off soon, we're probably gonna be getting new orders al the way from the top."  
For the Shinsengumi, the top meant the Aizu Domain.  
I glanced at both of them, "It's that serious, huh?"  
Harada gave a bark of laughter and nodded.  
"Well, chances like this only come around every so often. Who knows when the next one'll be? You wanna join us?"  
"What?!"  
Join?! Did he mean for me to join the Shinsengumi, and march to war with them? I couldn't imagine joining them would be as simple as saying "Yes, please."  
"Um..."  
Besides, it seemed rather inappropriate for me to ask to participate just so that I might satisfy my curiosity.  
Still... I did want very much to be helpful in some way.  
Could I, perhaps, do something like what I'd done at the Ikeda Inn...?  
Even if I could, though, I was terribly frightened of being anywhere near a battle.  
On the other hand, the men who'd been injured at Ikeda were still out of commission...  
My mind was made up.  
I looked at Harada and nodded.  
"I want to help."

...  
Several days later...  
"Excuse me."  
Carefully, I lifted the serving platter with its tea for the captains, and made my way to the common room.  
It had taken me longer than it should have to make the tea, so I was a little worried some of it had gotten cold.  
Nagakura smiled at me as I handed him a cup, "Thanks, Chizuru. Man... It's almost like you're our servant or something."

I wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, so I stayed silent as I handed out the tea.  
Inoue appeared troubled as he accepted his share of tea, "Thank you, Yukimura. I feel bad asking you to do this..."  
I shook my head and smiled, "Oh, it's nothing. After all, you're always looking out for me."  
And besides, I felt much better when I had something to do; it kept me from feeling too much like a freeloader.  
Okita took a sip of his tea, and a mild grimace flickered across his face.  
I frowned, "Um... Is it too bitter?"  
He shook his head.  
"No, the taste is fine, but it could stand to be hotter. ...Then again, I suppose this sort of tea fits you."

"Sorry..."  
There was a second or two of silence before the door flew open and Kondou strode in, a wide grin across his face.  
The Shinsengumi has received an official request from the Aizu Domain. All available soldiers are to begin preparations to move out immediately!"  
The room broke out into cheers.  
"It seems the Aizu have finally noticed all the hard work we've been doing, men."  
Kondou looked just as happy with the news as the rest of them.  
Apparently, getting orders directly from the Aizu Domain was an occasion for some excitement.  
Hijikata, however, was the lone exception.  
He glared at everyone, "We don't have time for this shit! Stop patting each other on the back and get moving! We need to go now!"  
He went on to explain that the soldiers of the Choshu had already spent some time preparing for their own attack.  
He closed his eyes his left brow twitching, "So they only realize there might be a problem when the Choshu are ready to attack Kyoto? This is bullshit..." He mumbled the last part.  
Hijikata certainly seemed unhappy about the direction thins had gone, and I could understand - at least to some extent - how he felt. If the Aizu had asked for help earlier, then the Shinsengumi would have had much more time to prepare.  
Sanan smiled but he seemed distant and sad, "Okita and Toudou, you will remain here, at the compound. I doubt you find this a welcome order, but, well, neither do I."  
He rubbed his arm absently, and looked away.  
He smiled again, though it seemed forced, "Your injuries keep you from active duty, as does mine."

I didn't think there was any chance that hadn't made Heisuke and Okita feel at least a little guilty, but...  
Okita smirked and folded his arms, "Hey, I'm completely healed. I might not be 100 percent yet, but I'm not bleeding or anything."  
He acted almost as if he hadn't heard Sanan at all.  
Heisuke frowned, and touched the healing scar on his forehead, "You're making a big deal out of nothing! This's just a scratch! Kondou's being a wuss."  
Perhaps they were so used to Sanan feeling sorry for himself that they had simply ignored his comment.  
Perhaps it was time I learned to do the same...  
Harada nudged Heisuke in the arm, "You sure about that? Last night the pain had you crying like a baby before you took your medicine."  
Heisuke looked ready to kill as he turned on Harada, "You son of a bitch! Why you gotta rat me out?! Is there even a heart in there, you old bastard?"  
It seemed Heisuke's injury hadn't healed quite as much as he'd claimed.  
Harada shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not, but you know I'm telling the truth."  
The youngest captain frowned again, "...Yeah, well, you don't have to say it in front of a girl, you know?"  
He glanced sideways at me so I quickly said, "Oh... Don't worry about me. Everybody gets hurt."  
His bangs hid the scar rather well, but it still looked painful. There was a moment of silence, and then Nagakura spoke.  
"Oh yeah... Chizuru, you said you wanted to go with us if we got called in, right? You still up for that?"  
I blinked.  
"Uh..."  
Yes, I had said that, hadn't I...  
"Well...um..."  
I knew it couldn't be so simple as just asking to go.  
Kondou looked to me and grinned, "Ah, yes. Well, I see no reason why not. After all, it isn't often that one is given such an oppotunity."  
"What?!"  
I hadn't expected Kondou to agree so easily.  
Heisuke let out a short laugh and grinned at me, "Whoa. Well, you sure got lucky, Chizuru. Make sure you do us proud, all right?"  
"Do us proud?!"  
Hijikata glanced at me and sighed.  
"We can't promise you won't get hurt, or worse. You should stay here."  
"Do you wish to place undue burden on the Shinsengumi? War is not something one does to ease one's boredom."  
Sanan's cold smile was anything but comforting.  
Saito glanced at me then turned to Sanan, "Colonel Sanan, can I take that to mean that so long as she is not a burden, she is free to accompany us?"  
"Um..."  
I blinked. Saito, standing up for me?  
Sanan seemed nearly as surprised as I was.  
"You can't be saying you're actually in favor of bringing her along..."  
Saito simply shrugged.  
"She was an asset at Ikeda." he sighed, "I only intended to point out that, judged by her actions, she has hardly proven a 'burden' thus far."

I could feel heat rising in my cheeks.  
Never in a million years would I have imagined that Saito might have a word of praise for me.  
Kondou gave a short laugh, "Excellent! I will take full responsibility for your inclusion. That is, of course, if you still wish to participate." "U-Um..."  
Sanan still didn't seem convinced. I looked around the room, until my eyes met Okita's.  
He gave a small smile, "Do whatever you want to do, so long as you understand that we're going to a battle, not a party."

It looked like I wasn't about to get any help from Okita. In fact, he didn't seem to care one way or the other.  
"Well..."  
Perhaps I'd be able to help them out, like I had during the Battle of Ikeda Inn...  
I nodded.  
"Yes, I would like to participate."

...  
After that, everything was a blur.  
As quickly as we could, we prepared for battle, and marched to the Fushimi magistrate's office.  
There were a number of the Kyoto Judiciary Commissioner's men gathered there as well, in preparation for battle with the Choshu.  
Walking proudly in front of the men, Kondou approached the government official standing near the gate.  
"We, the Shinsengumi, are reporting as requested by Lord Katamori Matsudaira, the Lieutenant-General of the Aizu."  
Katamori Matsudaira was the lord of the Aizu Domain, and also the Kyoto Military Commissioner, which made him a very important person. His name would have been immediately recognized.  
The man standing near the gate looked slightly taken aback at the mention of the Shinsengumi.  
"You were told to report here...? But we received no such orders..."  
"What?"  
No, that didn't make any sense...  
Perhaps sensing my confusion, Saito leaned over and whispered under his breath.  
"If they haven't received notice of our orders, the lines of communication are likely in disarray. We can assume, therefore, that this conflict has become rather chaotic."  
"Chaotic..."  
I did my best to keep my own voice at a whisper.  
"Do you mean the Choshu is overpowering the shogunate's forces?"  
He glanced back at the Kuwana Official, "Not necessarily. However, I do suspect that the enemy is doing well."

The Judiciary Commissioner supposedly answered to the Military Commissioner, but the Military Commissioner's office was controlled by the Aizu Domain, and the Kuwana Domain controlled the Judiciary Commissioner's office.  
I didn't fully understand the relationships between the different domains, but so far as I knew the Aizu and Kuwana had never been on very good terms with one another.  
In other words, the situation we had found ourselves in was less than desirable.  
Kondou was becoming annoyed, "Nonetheless, our assistance has been formally requested! If you could only speak to your supervi-"  
"It wouldn't make a difference," said the Official, angrily, "Now get out of here. We have no use for Mibu's wolves!"  
"What?!"  
How terrible... And after they'd asked for the Shinsengumi's help...  
I felt Harada's hand on my shoulder and turned to look up at him.  
"Forget about them," he said, a hint of sadness in his tone, "This isn't anything to get worked up about. We get this sorta crap all the time."  
"But..."  
I wasn't truly a member of the Shinsengumi, but even so...  
It was...galling.  
Harada glanced back at the Official and his Chief, "If we throw a fit here, then we might hurt Aizu's reputation. You get it?"  
"Oh..."  
The Kuwana would only need to complain that the Shinsengumi hadn't shown them proper respect to make trouble for the Aizu.  
Saito calmly approached Kondou and the Official, "There's nothing we can do here, Chief. We should leave the magistrate alone and meet up with the Aizu Domain men on our own."  
Kondou nodded in agreement, but his frown didn't fade.  
"Yes... I agree. That is our only choice. We must look for an officer of the Military Commissioner."  
And with that, the Shinsengumi set off to find the soldiers of the Aizu Domain.

...  
Night had fallen by the time we arrived at Kujo Beach.  
After we left the Fushimi Magistrate, we made for the Aizu manor. Once we arrived, we related our encounter at the magistrate's office and asked for new orders.  
The manor official we met with directed us to go to Kujo Beach, which we did. However…  
"What? The Shinsengumi is to join us?" complained an Aizu Soldier.  
"We've received no such order. I apologize, but could you go speak to the commander at the manor-"  
Nagakura had, apparently, had enough.  
"What the Hell?! He was the one who told us to come here, Goddammit!" he snarled, "You wanna fuck us, fine, but you're gonna be disobeying a direct order from your superior, pal! You really wanna do that?!"  
The man opened and closed his mouth a few times, then fell silent.  
Kondou did his best to keep his voice neutral, but there was no hiding the grin that had spread across most of his face.  
"I would like to speak to your commanding officer, if I might. Do you think you might be able to take me to him?"

…  
At last, after a great deal of trouble, we were allowed to remain with the troops at Kujo Beach.  
The chief and the captains left the rest of us to go speak to the Aizu commanders. They returned some time later, looking tired and drained.  
Inoue, who'd gone with them, also wore a bitter sort of half smile.  
"Well," he said, glancing at me and the rest of the men, "it would seem that the men stationed here are reserves, and not the main force of their army." He sighed, "Their main force has been committed to the defense of Hamaguri Gate."  
I felt my eyes go wide.  
"You mean they're treating the Shinsengumi like...reserves?"  
If the reserves weren't called into battle, then the Shinsengumi would never be given a chance to show their worth.  
Nagakura let out a tired, frustrated sigh, "Then why the hell'd they send us a message acting like this was some sort of emergency?"  
"We can't predict what might happen," explained Saito, "We may be called upon to rush into battle. There is little else we can do, for now."  
I glanced, sadly at all the other men of the Shinsengumi, "Then all we can do is wait…"  
There was a chance we'd be called to action during the night, and so the men chose to stay awake, ready to move.  
"Just let us know if you need to rest a bit, Chizuru," whispered Harada, "You're always welcome to sleep on my lap."  
"Oh, no, I'm fine."  
Harada laughed as I shook my head.  
It wouldn't be fair if I was the only one who slept. The men had to remain awake and ready to act all night.  
At first, I was far too anxious, but by dawn I was sound asleep.  
All around me, however, the men had kept a constant vigil all through the night. Even as I drifted in and out of sleep, I'd seen them standing or sitting nearby, alert and watchful.

…  
The sun had risen and I'd finally woken up when it happened.  
"What?!" I shouted.  
The crack of a gunshot tore through the morning air, and in the distance I heard the shouting of men and the clang of metal. The fighting had begun.  
The captains looked at one another and nodded.  
Saito reached down and carefully pulled me to my feet, "Time we left."  
I stared at him for a moment, perhaps not yet fully awake, until I understood what he was saying.  
"Right!"  
With a quick nod, I made ready to move, when-  
"Stop!" shouted one of Aizu Soldiers, "What do you think you're doing?! We were ordered to stay here!"

During our lengthy march the day before, I'd never seen Hijikata mad. He'd left the yelling to Nagakura mostly, and stayed patient when it was time to speak with the army officials.  
But this time…  
Perhaps he had finally had enough.  
"I'm sorry, I thought your job here was to protect the imperial estate, but I guess you'd rather just set around all day!" His voice grew steadily louder...angrier, "We're here because we're supposed to help if those Choshu assholes attack! Tell me, what are the Choshu doing, right now?!"  
"B-But we haven't received any orders-" stammered the same Aizu Soldier.  
Hijikata was in no mood for excuses.  
"If you've got any kind of pride in your job, then forget your goddamn orders and move!"  
"Rrrgg…"  
Without even waiting for a response, Hijikata spun around and stalked off, fuming.  
"Wh-Where are we going…?"  
I didn't dare raise my voice above a whisper.  
Saito's eyes flicked down to me for a moment and his mouth thinned almost imperceptibly.  
"To the enemy, which in this case means Hamaguri Gate."  
"Hamaguri Gate…"  
"The battle at the gate," he continued, "is likely to be an intense one. You had better prepare yourself."  
"All right…"  
Hijikata's fury seemed to have roused the Aizu soldiers as well, and they followed the Shinsengumi to the Hamaguri Gate. Before long, we'd arrived.

…  
"What the…?"  
I'd expected a pitched battle, with hundreds of men locked in combat with one another, but what we found was something else entirely.  
The gate itself was pockmarked with scored of bullets, and everywhere dead and dying soldiers littered the ground.  
The acrid stink of firearms hung in the air.  
What I didn't see, however, was the enemy. It seemed that we had arrived too late; the battle was already over.  
After of moment of stunned silence, several of our men were dispatched to determine what had happened.  
Kondou sighed.  
"What are the Choshu thinking? They've raided the imperial estate…"  
Inoue looked just as troubled, "How can they claim to be an imperialist domain…?"  
Kondou simply nodded.  
The Choshu had defined themselves as among those who revered the emperor, and yet they would attack his home?  
It didn't make sense to me either.  
I was pondering what motive they might have had when Saito returned.  
"It appears the Choshu attacked Hamaguri in the early morning, but were repelled by the combined forces of the Aizu and Satsuma."  
The forces standing against them had been too much for the Choshu, and they'd been forced to retreat.  
I saw the corner of Hiikata's mouth curl up into a grin.  
"So, Satsuma is helping Aizu now, are they? Times sure are changing."  
Right…  
The Satsuma and Aizu Domains hadn't been on the best of terms.  
In fact, the Satsuma were largely nationalistic, much like the Choshu. Unlike the Choshu, however, they'd gone to war with a foreign force at one point, and suffered a devastating loss.  
Father had told me that after that, Satsuma had begun to reconsider their nationalistic stance…  
"Hijikata, there're still some of those Choshu bastards fighting over at Kuge Gate."  
Hijikata's expression changed as he considered Harada's words, but before he could open his mouth to speak, Yamazaki appeared.  
"Commander, we believe the men who led this raid are headed to Mount Ten'nou."  
Although Kondou was nominally the head of the Shinsengumi, I'd learned from the men that everyone, including Kondou himself, generally deferred to Hijikata on most decisions.  
This was no exception, and I could see that all eyes were on him.  
He was silent for a few moments, and then I saw his mouth curve in a small smile.  
"Well, looks like we've got our work cut out for us, boys."  
A ripple of dry laughter ran through the men, and I could feel their excitement in the air.  
"Sanosuke! Take your men to Kuge Gate to deal with those Choshu bastards."  
Harada nodded, "Sure thing, boss."  
"Saito, Yamazaki, I want you to figure out what the situation is here. I want you to hold Hamaguri Gate."  
Saito nodded almost imperceptibly, "As you wish."  
"Your job's a tough one, Chief." He turned to Kondou, "I want you to go talk to the Aizu bigwigs."  
Kondou tilted his head to the side quizzically.  
Hijikata smiled, "Some of those bastards are headed for Ten'nou, but some of 'em are just gonna run around and dause trouble."  
A look of understanding came across the Chief's features.  
"If we're gonna go after them," Hijikata continued, "then we'll need to leave Kyoto, and you're the only one who can get us those papers."  
Of course.  
The Choshu were on the run now, but they could still do some damage as they fled. Pursuing them would take us outside of Kyoto, but the Shinsengumi's jurisdiction didn't extend that far.  
If we wanted to go after them, we'd need to get permission from the Military Commissioner, and that meant the Aizu.  
"I see," sighed Kondou, "If the Chief of the Shinsengumi goes to speak with them, then the Military Commissioner's office will have to listen to what we have to say."  
After what we'd gone through the day before, I didn't imagine Kondou's task would be an easy one.  
Still… If anyone other than Kondou went, not only would the Aizu be unlikely to grant their request, there was a good chance the Shinsengumi representative wouldn't even be heard.  
Hijikata then turned to Inoue, "Gen, I want you to go with him. Somebody has to keep an eye on our Chief. Make sure he doesn't go crazy, all right?"  
Inoue smiled, "Of course. I'll do my best, Commander."  
Another laugh ran through the soldiers, and Kondou's mouth twisted into a wry sort of grin.  
Perhaps he chose not to deny it because he knew he might go a little crazy.  
Hijikata turned to the remainder of the men, "The rest of you are coming with me to Ten'nou. As for you…"  
He looked directly at me.  
I wasn't a warrior, and I didn't have any political skill of connections either. Hijikata didn't know what to do with me.  
Suddenly, I felt very much like dead weight.  
"...You can't go with Kondou," he said quietly, "but other than that, it's up to you."  
"Oh. All right."  
It hadn't occurred to me until that moment, but he was right. Kondou was going to meet with the leaders of the Aizu. If I went with him without wearing the Shinsengumi blues, then I'd be a difficult thing to explain.  
"Um…"  
Hijikata would be pursuing the leaders of the Choshu attack toward Ten'nou Mountain.  
Saito would be staying at the Hamaguri Gate to protect it and to gather information.  
Harada and his men would be going to Kuge Gate to stop the attack on the imperial estate.  
The question was...where would I go?

…  
There was no questing. I would go with Hijikata and chase after the ronin heading for Mount Ten'nou.  
Even carrying both a Katana and a wakizashi, the Shinsengumi soldiers moved at a rapid pace.  
It was hard for me to keep up, and I was beginning to run short of breath when I saw...someone.  
He was standing in front of us, but shadows obscured his face and clothes. Still, I could sense something strange about him. Hijikata seemed to sense it too, and he motions for the men to halt.  
The Shinsengumi stopped, save for one man, who was either to excited or too foolish to heed the commander.  
"Gyaaah!"  
I saw the momentary flash of steel as the man cried out.  
"Hey!" snarled Nagakura, "What the hell is this?!" He turned to the fallen man, "You okay?!"  
The man just lay there, unresponsive. I could see thick, red blood already beginning to pool around him.  
Taken aback at first by the sudden attack, the men all turned now to glare at the stranger, who stared blankly back at us and said, "Ah, judging by those jackets, you must be the Shinsengumi. Boorish, as always."  
They were already on edge, but the man's words only made the men more agitated.  
True, some people felt the jackets the Shinsengumi wore were a little old-fashioned, but I'd heard from the men that they had their reasons for doing so.  
I could tell that they wanted desperately to pay the strange man back for his taunts and for his attack on their brother, but they knew that now was not the time for revenge.  
The blonde stranger gave us a mocking look, "First you got in my way at Ikeda, and now you're running around looking for more good deeds to appropriate as your own."  
The way he spoke made it sound as if he'd been there the night of the Battle of Ikeda Inn.  
"So the peasant samurai haven't had their fill of defeat yet?" he sneered, "Oh, excuse me… You aren't even real samurai, are you?"  
As he spoke, I felt the air begin to thicken with the rage of the Shinsengumi.  
Hijikata was the one to respond, "You're the swordsman from Ikeda? Those are pretty big words from such a little man."  
His smile was anything but warm.  
The stranger ignored him, "I'd heard you were talented, for peasants, but after this sorry display it looks like those rumors were just that."  
He looked down at the man he'd cut down and laughed.  
"That man from the inn...Okita, was it?" he added snidely, "Far too weak to be considered any kind of real swordsman."  
Hijikata's teeth were now almost completely bared.  
"Ah…" I bit my lip to keep my anger in check.  
I knew that Okita wasn't weak at all, and I wanted to tell him so, but… It was true that he had been injured…  
"Insult Souji all you want, but how about you tell us why you killed this man first?!"  
I heard the soft his of Nagakura's sword sliding from its scabbard.  
At his feel lay the man who'd been attacked, his face now an odd, pale color. there was no doubt that he was dead.  
"If I don't like what I hear, "Nagakura continued, "then I'm gonna kill you right here!"  
The man snorted.  
"To defend your warrior's pride? The shogun says 'Jump,' and you say 'How high?' Tell me, where's the pride in that?"  
There was anger in his voice, too, but at what I didn't know.  
"Why are you pursuing men who've lost and fled the battlefield?"  
There was a quiet rage in his tone, "If you even pretend to have pride of your own, then you must understand that they've gone to Mount Ten'nou to take their own lives!"  
"What…?"  
Was he telling the truth? Did the Choshu men really mean to commit honorable suicide?  
I looked over at Hijikata and the rest of his men, but not a one of them looked surprised.  
The man in front of us was trying to stop the Shinsengumi in an attempt to protect the pride of the Choshu samurai. That was why he was mad.  
But…  
I glanced at the fallen man and then turned on the blonde man.  
"Is...is it really all right to take a man's life for the sake of someone else's pride?"  
It seemed to me that fighting for the sake of someone else's pride wasn't really right. How could you know their heart, or their thoughts? Pride is something that you have to defend yourself.  
"How can someone deep their pride if someone else has to fight for it?"  
In a way, I could understand his intentions, but I couldn't help but question his actions.  
"Then are you saying I should simply allow the Shinsengumi to take what pride the Choshu have left so that they can earn a commendation for arresting them?"  
He did not sound amused.  
"No, that's...not really what I meant, but…"  
Under that crimson glare, my voice trailed off, I felt like I hadn't really explained myself at all…  
Hijikata had listened to our short conversation, and he seemed unimpressed.  
"Pathetic. I thought you were trying to make some kind of point, stranger, but you're just whining like a child who can't get his way. This is war, you idiot!"  
"What?"  
The man spoke through clenched teeth, and the knuckles of his sword hand had gone white.  
"They started a fight over something stupid, then didn't have the balls to see it through and ran away with their tails between their legs. Men like that don't deserve to die with honor!"  
His voice cracked like lightning, and before I realized it, Id taken a step back.  
"They're traitors, and cowards besides. You really think a man like that deserves an honorable death? They'll die with their guts where they belong and their heads in the dirt."  
"Then you mean to say they should have been prepared to die for their cause when they went to war?"  
"Any man who starts a fight he isn't willing to give his life for doesn't know what it means to be a warrior." Hijikata sighed, "Let's say they do have some scrap of pride left. Wouldn't dying in battle be better than dying on your own sword?"  
I didn't fully understand what he meant, but I could tell that Hijikata's own concept of pride and honor was not something he could easily compromise.  
Still, no matter how long he and the stranger spoke, I also knew that they would never see eye to eye.  
There was the hiss of metal as Hijikata drew his sword from its scabbard, and I saw Nagakura drop into a fighting stance.  
Hijikata turned to look at him, his eyes narrowed, and after muttering something angry under his breath Nagakura stepped back and put his blade back in its sheath.  
"You don't look like a coward to me," said Hijikata, turning back to the stranger, "so I figure you're ready to finish what you started when you killed one of my men."  
"Big words from a small man," said the blonde, "Do you honestly believe you can defeat me?"  
In an instant, their swords met, and the clang of metal on metal reverberated through the mid-afternoon air.  
They sprang apart, eyes fixed on one another, and I saw Hijikata's hands tighten on his sword.  
The commander was a skilled swordsman-very skilled-but this man had defeated Okita.  
I saw Nagakura reach for his own sword. He was clearly about to leap into the fight as well, probably hoping to help Hijikata gain the upper hand.  
"No, Nagakura!" I shouted, "You can't!"  
This fight wasn't why the Shinsengumi had come. Their mission was so follow the Choshu rebels to Mount Ten'nou.  
There could be no doubt that the strange swordsman was an enemy, and a dangerous on-it might take our entire force to defeat him-but Hijikata would be furious if we abandoned our mission.  
Nagakura knew it too, and after a few moments spent grinding his teeth, he took his hand off his sword.  
"He, Hijikata. I'm gonna take your guys for a bit if that's all right with you!"  
The commander's eyes never left the swordsman's face, but his mouth curled into an almost predatory grin.  
Nagakura faced the rest of the men and said, "Listen up guys! We're gonna run straight for Mount Ten'nou, and we aren't gonna stop till we get there!"  
The soldiers roared their assent.  
The blonde narrowed his red eyes, "Damn you!"  
"Pay attention," snapped Hijikata, "I'll put a sword through your back as easily as your front."  
With Hijikata in striking distance, the swordsman didn't dare move as the soldiers of the Shinsengumi-myself among them-jogged past him, toward Mount Ten'nou.  
"We'll be waiting for you at Mount Ten'nou!"  
It would have felt strange to leave without saying...something to him.  
"Please catch up to us soon!"  
His eyes narrowed just a fraction, and he let out a laugh.  
"Who the hell do you think I am?"  
His voice was calm, confident, and slightly arrogant.  
I nodded to him and jogged past, falling into step with Nagakura and the rest of the men. We ran straight for Mount Ten'nou and didn't look back.

…  
"It's almost nighttime…"  
I was waiting at the base of Mount Ten'nou.  
Nagakura had led most of the men further up, in search of the Choshu rebels, but a few had been left at the bottom, in the unlikely event that any of the Choshu came this way. I'd stayed with them.  
"...It'll be all right. They'll be back soon, I'm sure of it."  
How many times had we done that, I wondered. Every time I seemed down, Shimada was there to cheer me up.  
"Do you really think so?"  
I couldn't get Hijikata out of my head. We'd left him behind, fighting an opponent we knew nothing about.  
It was all too easy to imagine that the worst had happened…  
"I hope he's safe…"  
No sooner were the words out of my mouth than a shadow appeared in the dirt road in front of me.  
"Ah!"  
The shadow stepped toward us and into the light-  
"Hijikata!"  
He was all right!  
I felt tears spring to my eyes, and shoved them away with the back of my hand.  
"Glad to see you're safe, Commander. Doesn't even look like you've been injured. Good work."  
Shimada was right: Hijikata was without a scratch, but even so his face was dark.  
"I'd hoped we'd have a real fight, but we'd barely started when the Satsuma stuck their noses in."  
"What were the Satsuma doing there?" I asked.  
"His name's Chikage Kazama. Seems he's part of the Satsuma," was his reply.  
"But if he's part of the Satsuma Domain…"  
Hadn't they helped the Aizu drive off the Choshu?  
Then why had Kazama tried to stop the Shinsengumi?  
I frowned. Something wasn't right.  
"Does that mean he disobeyed orders? Kazama, I mean."  
"Probably. The men who broke up our fight seemed like they didn't know what the hell he was up to either." Hijikata sighed, "For whatever reason, I don't think they could push him around."  
"He must be pretty important," said Shimada.

From what Hijikata had said, Kazama was certainly a skilled, powerful warrior, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than that.  
When Hijikata spoke next, his voice was bitter.  
"He's a lazy son of a bitch with enough money or influence to do whatever the hell he feels like. He doesn't give a shit about honor or pride."  
There wasn't anything Shimada or I could really say in response to that, and so we fell silent.  
Before Hijikata could continue, we heard the sound of men approaching, and Nagakura appeared, the bulk of our detachment trailing behind him.  
I saw Nagakura stop for a split second when he noticed Hijikata, and then a grin tugged at the side of his face.  
"Well, we went up to the top to have a look, but every last one of those bastards had already cut themselves wide open."  
"Oh…"  
My heart fell as he explained.  
I wasn't sad that they'd killed themselves, of that the Shinsengumi hadn't been able to arrest them… Only that more lives had been lost.  
"Honorable suicide, eh? Good for them."  
As Hijikata spoke, he flashed half a smile at Nagakura.  
"Is...is that okay?"  
Only a few hours before, he'd said that they were criminals, and only deserved to be beheaded, but now he was applauding them for taking their own lives?  
He shrugged.  
"Not for the Shinsengumi. We let them fulfill their mission, which means we failed ours"  
"Um…"  
"I wanted to arrest them, but they're dead now. What good would it do to ignore what they did? Friend or enemy, a man who dies with honor deserves at least some respect."  
"Oh… I suppose that makes some sense."  
It was obvious that I really only half-understood what he was trying to say, and his expression softened a little.  
...And that was the end of our journey to Mount Ten'nou. Together once again, we returned to the imperial estate to meet up with the rest of the Shinsengumi.  
On the way back, Hijikata and the men began to discuss their next move. I looked like there was still plenty for the Shinsengumi to do in Kyoto.

…  
The Choshu extremists' attempted attack on the imperial estate eventually came to be known as the Hamaguri Rebellion.  
Although the Shinsengumi were called to action, their efforts were stymied, and the found little in the way of glory. Communication with their superiors had been poor at best, and they spent much of the battle waiting with the reserves.  
When the Shinsengumi did finally enter the battle, they found several strange opponents awaiting them:  
Chikage Kazama, the man who had defeated Okita at Ikeda, claimed to be from the Satsuma Domain during his encounter with Hijikata.  
Kyuju Amagiri, the man who had shattered Heisukie's head-guard at Ikeda, also claimed membership in the Satsuma.  
They had also met Kyo Shiranui, who'd fought alongside men from Choshu…  
Whoever they were, it was clear they were not allies of the Shinsengumi. Indeed, it seemed they could easily become so of its greatest enemies.  
If they were to meet in open battle, the casualties would be severe.  
By the time the battle was over, the commanders of the Choshu attack had been killed in the fighting or taken their own lives.  
There were some soldiers, who escaped, setting Kyoto ablaze as they fled.  
By some terrible misfortune, the sind that day blew from the north and fanned the flames, reducing the southern end of the imperial estate to ash.  
As a result of the Choshu attack, many imperial nationalists were executed.  
After everything had been sorted out, the Shinsengumi were at last given permission to patrol outside of Kyoto, from Osaka to Hyogo.  
No sooner had they been given permission than they set to work, rounding up unruly ronin and defending the public good.  
With the Hamaguri Rebellion over, the Choshu were branded as traitors for attacking the estate. From then on they were acknowledged enemies of the court.


	6. Chapter 2-1

Sorry for the wait ^^;

* * *

CHAPTER 2-1

February 1865

After breakfast one day, I found myself on my way to the common room with a tray bearing tea.  
"Tea's ready."  
I made my way around the room, pouring a cup of tea for each person, making sure not to spill any.  
It was a routine I'd begun to feel accustomed to.  
"Oh, thank you, Yukimura."  
Inoue gave me a warm smile as I handed him is tea.  
"There is nothing quite so delicious as hot tea on a cold day."  
"Thank you…"  
I felt a flush of pride at his words, even though I knew quite well that serving tea was hardly anything impressive. Just the same, I felt as if I was helping out in a way, and that was a nice feeling.

…  
It had been a year since I'd first come to Kyoto in search of my father.  
Living with the Shinsengumi wasn't easy, but they'd helped me look for him  
Even after a year of searching, however, I hadn't found anything. Sometimes I felt like it was hopeless; like I'd never find him, and that I should just give up.  
But the men of the Shinsengumi never gave up. They were always there to cheer me on, and keep me going.  
In a way, I suppose I'd grown to love living with them.  
And I'd even been able to repay them for some of their kindness, by helping treat the wounded at the Battle of Ikeda Inn and during the Hamaguri Rebellion.  
Little by little, I started to feel like I was accepted; as if perhaps I was beginning to fit in.  
As strange as it might sound, I was beginning to feel as if I had found a place with the Shinsengumi.

…  
Then Hijikata spoke, and his words brought me back to the present.  
"The Yagi have been good to us so far, but this place is getting crowded."  
Nagakura nodded, "True, it is getting a little small, especially with all the new guys coming in…"  
"You're going to be getting even more soon, right?" I said.  
Heisuke was currently in Edo, recruiting more men for the Shinsengumi's ranks.  
It was always good to have more soldiers, but they were beginning to run out of space at the compound. The rank and file soldiers were being packed into smaller and smaller rooms.  
Nagakura sighed heavily, "If we could move to a bigger place, that'd be great. The guys are starting to get a little grumpy about being packed together in those rooms every night."  
I couldn't exactly offer to share it, but I was starting to feel guilty for having a room of my own.  
"Easy for us to say," said Okita, folding his arms, "but it's gonna be hard to find someone else who's willing to let us stay at their place. You have something else in mind?"  
Hijikata's smile was almost predatory.  
"The Nishi Hongwanji temple."  
"Ahahahaha! They aren't gonna like that very much." Okita laughed again. "You're thinking we'll just force our way in? Guess I wouldn't expect anything less for you, Hijikata."  
"Um…"  
I didn't leave the compound much, except to go on patrol with the men, so I still didn't know Kyoto very well, and I had no idea what sort of place this Nishi Hongwanji temple was.  
"It is pretty big," said Harada, "I'll give you that, but I really don't think monks are going to take to a bunch of soldiers living in their temple." He paused and then added, "Still, the location's great. We'll be able to get out into the city a lot quicker than from out here in Mibu."  
At the time, the Shinsengumi's headquarters was in the Mibu area, which was on the outskirts of Kyoto.  
Harada was right in that the current location made it difficult for the Shinsengumi to reach some parts of Kyoto quickly, which reduced their effectiveness. Still…  
"Will they really not want us there?" I asked.  
Saito only shrugged.  
"The Nishi Hongwanji temple has been cooperating with the Choshu. Some of their ronin have stayed there."  
"Oh…"  
If they supported the Choshu, then that would make them Shinsengumi their enemy. Little wonder, then, that they would hardly welcome us with open arms.

That meant a whole other level of difficulty. Asking for a place to stay was hard enough, but asking that from an enemy…?  
I fell silent, and Saito continued as if I'd never spoken.  
"No doubt they will be less than receptive to our overtures. On the other hand, if we should move into the Nishi Hongwanji temple, the Choshu will have one less place to hide their agents."  
"Oh!"  
Of course!  
Not only was the location desirable, but taking the temple would make the enemy's movement more difficult. Whatever problems we had acquiring the temple would likely be worth it.  
Sanan however didn't agree. His eyes narrowed in anger at all of us.  
"You don't think it somewhat...uncouth to use force against men of the cloth?"  
There was no hiding his distaste for the idea.  
Hijikata's voice was level, but firm as steel.  
"The Choshu have used the temple to hide their men, and they couldn't have done that without the help of the monks."  
"I agree that the Choshu must be dealt with but this seems…"  
His voice trailed off. Although he was still clearly upset, there was little more he could say or do.  
Kondou cut in at this point, "I agree with Toshi, but I have to concede that Sanan has a point."  
He nodded solemnly, apparently deep in thought.  
"Impressive as always, Chief Kondou. Only a man with a truly open mind can be so considerate of both his enemies and his allies."  
"Oh?" Kondou blushed, "Well it's very kind of you to say so, but I fear my behavior is simply imprudent, not open-minded."  
He coughed at an attempt at nonchalance as Hijikata and Okita scowled in silence at the exchange.  
The man who had just spoke was Kashitaro Itou, the new deputy commander. He had joined the Shinsengumi only recently.  
Kondou had left Heisuke in Edo and returned early with Itou and some of his men who had come to join the Shinsengumi.  
He was reputedly a master of the Hokushin Itto sword style, and ran a school of his own.  
When Itou was introduced to the captains, none of them seemed particularly pleased with his addition to their ranks. No sooner had Itou and Kondou left the room than they began to talk amongst themselves.  
"I've heard Itou is an imperial nationalist. Why would someone such as him join the Shinsengumi?" wondered Saito aloud.  
"He's like the Choshu, then?" said Harada. "Huh. You really think someone like that can get along with us?"  
Hijikata grunted and pursed his lips for a moment.  
"Kondou's a national loyalist. They might not agree on the Shogun and the emperor, but they're both nationalists, through and through.  
They might disagree about who should run the country, but neither of them wanted a foreign nation exerting its control over their country.  
"Besides, Kondou's a loyalist without a doubt, but he has a few imperialist tendencies of his own."  
Perhaps the different factions weren't quite so staunchly divided as they might appear.  
Would Kondou and the Shinsengumi work for a future where the shogunate controlled the country, but the emperor was still treated with respect?  
That seemed like a solution that could make everyone happy.  
If that was the case...then Kondou's version of national loyalism was a wonderful thing.  
"I figure the only one of us who'd be very happy about Itou showing up would be Sanan, right?" said Nagakura.  
"True," said Harada, "They do both practice Itto, right?"  
"He knows Itou too, doesn't he? And Sanan is a bit of a loyalist…"  
I wouldn't have guessed that Sanan and Itou had so much in common.  
His expression didn't suggest that he was particularly happy, though.  
"Yes, I have met Itou. He is well-educated, and a skilled orator. We have such a gifted deputy commander, I suppose that the Shinsengumi has little need for a colonel."

Sanan's words hung in the air, heavy and awkward.  
I didn't understand the ranks of the Shisengumi, but as far as I could tell, a deputy commander outranked a colonel.  
"With Itou here, there is very little left for me to do."  
I hadn't even thought of it that way… Sanan felt that Itou was a threat to his own position.  
An awkward silence fell across the room.  
Okita was the first to speak, "So? I don't like him."  
"Yeah," agreed Harada a look of disgust in his eyes, "I know what you mean. There's something about the way he looks at you…"  
Nagakura also nodded in agreement, "Exactly! I dunno how to put it...like he's sort of...uppity, you know? Like he's looking down on you or somethin…"  
There was a good deal of nodding and agreeing among the three of them for a few moments while I sat and thought.  
Truth be told, I didn't feel particularly comfortable around Deputy Commander Itou either. It wasn't that he was a bad person, per se, only that he was… How to say it… Off-putting?  
Itou's thin smile had spread across his face when Sanan voiced his objection to Hijikata's plan, and now he turned and spoke.  
"You always think of all the possibilities, Sanan. I'm impressed, but I fear you may be over-thinking this. It could be a problem, yes, but…"  
His tone was deferential, but it didn't quite match his words.  
"...Don't you think a slightly greater problem would be that your left arm is utterly useless?"  
Whatever warmth had remained in the room was abruptly gone.  
"Of course, you needn't be useless, even if you can no longer serve as a soldier," he smiled, "I'm sure that your wit and foresight will continue to be a great asset to the Shinsengumi and myself."  
It was as if Itou had taken a knife and driven it into Sanan's heart. I saw his shoulders sag, almost as though he had been punched in the stomach, and all around the room, jaws were set and knuckles turned white.  
"Perhaps I didn't hear you right, Itou."  
Hijikata's voice was cold and sharp, like the sound of a blade sliding across a whetstone.  
"Sanan's smart, like you said. But more than that, he's a swordsman of the Shinsengumi. He is not useless, and he is not replaceable!"  
Hijikata's last words erupted from his mouth in a snarl, and there was no mistaking their meaning.  
"But my arm is…"  
Sanan couldn't even seem to bring himself to finish.  
No matter how much they might need a swordsman of his skill, Sanan could no longer wield a blade.  
They both knew his arm would never heal, and Hijikata's desperate defense of his friend had likely only made Sanan feel worse.  
"Oh dear. That was terribly rude of me. Truly, there could be no better news than hearing that your arm has healed."  
Itou's smile fooled no one, and Sanan fell silent.  
"...Goddammit."  
He only muttered it under his breath, but I was close enough to hear. Too late, Hijikata had realized his mistake.

This was the first time I'd seen Hijikata so worked up. he might have been harsh, but he almost always projected as air of control. Perhaps Sanan's injury worried him enough to allow the mask to slip.  
"Ah...um...Itou."  
Kondou was clearly choosing his words carefully, in a very nearly desperate attempt to change the subject.  
"If...if you would care to, perhaps you might come and have a look at our training regimen?"  
Itou's eyes narrowed and his mouth curled in a small smile.  
"My...how thoughtful of you. Yes, of course, I would love to have a look! Ah, the training room! Air heavy with the sweat of men straining to better themselves… Truly a delight!"  
"The sweat of men…? Yes, I suppose you do have a point. The training room has grown rather musty…"

Itou could be a very peculiar person…  
The two men left the room, chatting together as if nothing was wrong, and all eyes turned toward Sanan.  
"Sanan… Don't listen to that asshole, okay?"

Sanan said nothing in response to Nagakura's words.  
"Um…"  
He stood up silently and left the room.  
Harada gave a heavy sigh, "Man, I feel bad for him… Even the men are avoiding him these days."  
"What?!"  
It was the first I'd heard of such a thing, but then again, I didn't normally see anyone but the captains.  
"I had no idea…"  
Nagakura shrugged, "Well, he's kinda been a jerk lately. I imagine that's why."  
It wasn't hard for me to see why they would feel that way… Sanan had gotten even worse in the last several weeks.  
"He wasn't always like that, you know," said Harada, "Back in the day, he was always acting like he was looking out for everybody."  
Nagakura nodded, "Yeah. He was real nice, at least on the surface. Nothing left of that now…"

"Do you really mean that…?"  
The way they spoke, it sounded as if any kindness Sanan had shown was always a facade.  
Okita scowled at nothing in particular, "What the hell does Kondou see in that Itou guy?"  
Okita and Hijikata had largely ignored Nagakura and Harada, but their faces were dark and stormy. It wasn't difficult to guess why.  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes, "How the hell would I know? Probably just pull the wool over Kondou's eyes with some well-spoken bullshit."  
Okita gave him an annoyed look, "Then why don't you go get rid of him, Hijikata? Tell him the Shinsengumi doesn't need him."

Hijikata let out a frustrated sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
"No way Kondou'll go for that. He adores Itou. Besides, when he joined he brought a bunch of men with him. You think they won't make a stink if we kick him out?"  
Hijikata was right. He didn't like it any more than Okita did, but they were in a tight spot.  
"Well damn! Aren't you supposed to be the Demon? The commander from Hell? You're supposed to make the impossible happen!" snapped Okita angrily.  
Hijikata seemed unfazed as he said, "Fine Souji, how about we make you commander. Then you can kick Itou and his guys out, right?"  
"Ha! Hell no! That's way too much trouble." chuckled Okita.  
He gave a grin as he laughed, but when he finished, he sighed and his face fell.

It looked like everyone was unhappy with Itou, but none of them knew quite what to do about him.  
"Do you dislike Itou too, Saito?"  
I'd noticed earlier that he'd kept quiet while the others commiserated, and I was curious what he thought.  
He looked at me for a moment, then spoke.  
"As an organization grows, it will expand to include people who have differing ideas and points of view."  
Then...was he supporting Itou's appointment to Deputy Commander?  
I was about to ask when he continued speaking.  
"However, if one attempts to force this sort of diversity, then the organization will begin to rot from within."

His words hung in the air, a dark omen for the future of the Shinsengumi.  
It was considerate of Itou to join, but his presence seemed to be a recipe for dissension, if not outright disaster.

…

The setting sun glowed through the windows with a warm, rich red, and we decided to move outside, in the hopes that it might raise our spirits…  
"...It's cold…"  
Despite the sun, it seemed that spring was still far away.

I wasn't too fond of Itou, but it was Sanan and his condition that truly worried me.  
"I really wish his arm would just heal…"  
That arm, or perhaps more accurately the lack of it, had been the source of his change in personality.  
"Still…"  
As nice as it would be for Sanan's arm to simply start working again, that seemed like the stuff of a child's fable, not real life.  
That was when I remembered…

Flashback

Okita: If push comes to shove, he'll have to take it. I don't think Sanan's just going to give up.

Nagakura: Don't jinx him, Souji. It's gonna look bad if officers start joining the corps.

Flashback End

The Shinsengumi had some sort of...something.  
I didn't know what it did, exactly, or even what sort of thing it was, but from the way they all talked about it, there was some manner of very unpleasant side effects.  
"No, wait, I do remember something…"  
Yes… from what I had heard, it seemed that it has the capacity to heal wounds, and had something to do with the "Corps".  
"...And it's also something I'm not supposed to know about."  
If they learned how much I'd picked up, or what I'd put together on my own, I had no doubt that I would be in serious trouble.  
It was possible that they would even kill me.  
Still… If I could figure any of it out, perhaps I could do something to help.  
"I am the daughter of a well-educated doctor, after all!"  
I liked to think that I had a little more knowledge of medicine than the average person.  
The question remained, then, what should I do?  
Perhaps it would be best to just return to my room. I didn't want to get in trouble for wandering around and I didn't want to find myself in anyone's way.  
"I'll just stay here…"  
It was rather dull, certainly, but better a dull evening than the alternative.

…  
Just as the sun dipped below the horizon, the compound exploded with activity.  
"Has something happened…?" I wondered aloud.  
I waited for a few moments for the activity to settle down, but it did no such thing.

Something was wrong; I could feel it.  
I struggled against it for as long as I could, but eventually my curiosity got the better of me.  
"There must be someone in the common room… I can ask them."

…  
"...To think that Sanan would have done this to himself…"  
"Didn't I tell you not to let him out of your sight?! Was some part of that difficult to understand?"  
Hijikata's voice echoed out from the common room, quietly furious.  
"Um…"  
I tried to get their attention, but instinct had driven me to the very corner of the room, and they neither saw nor heard.  
Nagakura gave a heavy sigh, "I did see him leave his room, but… C'mon, how was I supposed to know he was going to do this?!" He narrowed his eyes, "He was in charge of the stuff, so he could've got it easy enough, sure, but he didn't look like he was carrying anything…"  
Nagakura was angry, certainly, but it wasn't all directed outward.  
"I guess we wouldn't have known if he'd taken any, huh…" Harada sighed, "I mean, I suppose there is a chance that the treatment would heal his arm, but… It didn't work, did it? Everybody who took it went crazy."  
At last I began to understand.  
Sanan had taken some of whatever treatment it was the Shinsengumi were so desperate to keep secret.  
"I believe Colonel Sanan had been working on improving it." All eyes turned to Saito, "He hoped to repair his arm before it had deteriorated too far. Perhaps he felt he was finished, or at least close enough."  
He gave a small shrug.  
"Whatever the case, when he realized that he had failed, he ignored Souji's counsel and attempted suicide."  
"Suicide?!"  
The words were past my lips before I'd even thought them.  
As one, all eyes in the room turned toward me.  
Hijikata's flared with anger.  
"Just what the hell are you doing here?"  
It was an accusation, not a question.  
"U-Uh...um…"  
The longer his cold gaze kept me pinned, the tighter my throat became, until I could barely breath let alone speak.  
The strange combination of anxiety, suspicion, and animosity that I felt, I had felt before: on the night I'd first come to the headquarters of the Shinsengumi.  
Now, as then, I understood the meaning of that gaze…  
They were deciding whether or not to kill me.  
"Toshi, I think it's time you told her what's going on. She's Kodo's daughter, after all. She has a right to know."  
I felt my eyes go wide at Kondou's mention of my father's name.  
Hijikata's gaze slid to Kondou, and he looked as if he'd eaten something unpleasant.  
After a moment, however, he gave a long, exasperated sigh and turned back to me.  
"The Shinsengumi doesn't need you."  
"Wh-Wha-?"  
"There's a chance you'll help us find Kodo, but even without your help we'll find him eventually. A minor setback, at worst."  
Although it wasn't their primary duty, the Shinsengumi had the Watch, for when a manhunt was necessary. Someone who knew the target, such as myself, would make their job easier, but…that was all.  
I was no more than a means to an end, and one of questionable value, at that.  
He was right. They didn't need me.  
"You do anything weird, we'll kill you. I'm about to tell you what's going on here, but keep in mind that your life is in our hands."

I swallowed.  
"Then...you aren't going to kill me?"  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes.  
"We aren't going to kill you yet, but don't think that means your in the clear."  
"Oh…"  
It was a sort of acceptance…

I was glad, I suppose, that I wasn't going to be killed, but I was still far from happy.  
I'd been with the Shinsengumi for nearly a year, and my position with them hadn't changed. It shouldn't have surprised me, but for some reason that truth cut deep.  
"We never told you, but Kodo was here because he was developing a...treatment," said Kondou.  
"You mean…"  
I chose my words carefully.  
"The one that Sanan took?"  
When Kondou nodded, it was as if there was a great weight resting on him.  
"It was first brought to us by one of the Shogun's men."  
He explained that the concoction was said to have come originally from the west. Apparently, the shogunate had ties to countries across the ocean.  
"It was a foreign drug of sorts, that would tremendously augment a man's strength and ability to heal."  
Moreover, Saito continued, it had the capability to increase a man's strength ten-fold, though the increased strength would make him slower. It also granted incredible healing powers, but piercing the heart or brain would still kill.  
"...But all of this came at a cost: the mind of any man who drank the concoction."

It made sense, now that I thought about it… That must have been what they meant by "bloodlust."  
"It was Kodo who experimented on the warriors of the Shinsengumi in an attempt to improve the drug. By diluting it, he was able to reduce the madness it brought to a more manageable level."  
"My father was experimenting on people…?"  
I'd suspected that my father had been involved in whatever the Shinsengumi had been hiding from me, but to discover that he had been experimenting on people… Making them go mad…  
It was almost too much to bear.  
"Then that night in the alley…?"  
Harada nodded.  
"We keep the guys who've taken it in the Maekawa house. So long as they don't get any blood, they stay pretty calm."  
If they were powerful, but lacked any skill or technique, then it was a simple thing for the captains to deal with those who got out of line.  
"The shogun's man told us we were supposed to keep all this under wraps."  
In the Yagi house, we lived side by side with the Yagi family, which meant the rank-and-file soldiers weren't allowed to live there as well.  
The Maekawa family, by contrast, had fled their house as soon as the Shinsengumi had arrived, making it the perfect place to conceal the soldiers who'd gone mad.  
"All right, we've told her enough. We need to think about Sanan."  
Hijikata's words made it clear that my education was at an end.  
"He managed to refine it after Kodo left, so there's a chance he won't lose it."  
Nagakura seemed troubled, "Well, yeah, but… I mean, look at him. He's practically dead…"  
That's right… Hadn't Sanan tried to kill himself?  
Hijikata spoke through clenched teeth, "Well, if that crap actually does what it's supposed to, then that cut isn't going to kill him."  
His voice was low; almost a growl.  
Even from across the room, I felt like I could hear his teeth grinding.  
"Kondou. Can you keep an eye on him? Tonight's gonna tell if he lives of dies. ...Or goes crazy."  
Kondou nodded, "Very well. Souji is with him, right?"  
He nodded toward Hijikata as he stood, and made his way to Sanan's room.  
"Don't let anyone near Sana's room. Especially Itou's men."  
Itou and his men weren't terribly fond of the shogun, so it stood to reason that Hijikata wouldn't want them finding out about the shogun's secret experiments.  
Even apart from that, however, it was clear that Hijikata and the other captains trusted Itou about as far as they could throw him.  
"Shinpachi, go check on the Maekawa house."  
"Got it."  
As he passed, Nagakura's eyes met mine for an instant, and I saw in them the same hostility I'd felt the night I'd arrived.  
"Saito, I want you in the inner courtyard. If Itou and his guys show up, keep them occupied."  
Before waiting for Saito's response Hijikata turned to Harada, "Sanosuke, go keep an eye on the rest of the men."  
Saito and Harada nodded. At last, he turned to look at me.  
"You. Go with one of the captains. I don't care who."  
"All right…"  
In other words, he wanted to make sure I was supervised. Reasonable, I suppose, given the situation, but...who did I want to go with?  
Harada glanced at me as he neared the door, "Stay out of the Maekawa house, Chizuru. They get kinda rowdy at night."  
Nagakura was on his way to the Maekawa house, where the men who'd taken the shogun's concoction were kept…

It didn't really sound like somewhere I wanted to go.  
"Um…"  
That left the inner courtyard, with Saito, or the outside, with Harada. Hijikata hadn't said differently, so I assumed he would remain in the common room.  
After a moment's thought, I'd made up my mind.  
Saito and Harada had already left.

The common room grew more and more uncomfortable the longer I sat-much more so than I'd anticipated.  
Not that I bore him any particular ill will; more that I simply didn't know what to do.

His face was stern as always, but the thin lines across his forehead and about his eyes betrayed a greater unrest.  
"You."  
In the awkward silence of the room, his voice was like a gunshot.  
I jumped.  
"...You never really knew Sanan before he...uh, before he got like this. He's a smart man, and he's talented."  
"Well...I did notice he was very, um, sharp."  
Hijikata gave me a short bark of laughter.  
"He was like a brother to me, even before we were part of the Shinsengumi."  
Hijikata had never spoken to me about himself-or indeed about anything-at length. I didn't know why he'd chosen this moment to chance that policy, but I was happy he had.  
Perhaps, I thought, he didn't see me as such an outsider after all.  
"The only reason I didn't throw that crap away was because I thought he might be able to use it to heal his arm. We knew it was dangerous, but we thought that maybe we could...improve it somehow. We need Sanan. We can't lose him."

Hijikata looked tired and drawn-moreso than I'd ever seen him before. His face was tight with strain, and he moved with the labored speed of a man who has pushed himself beyond his limits.  
Always before, as commander, he had been calm and level-headed. Never before had he looked so utterly spent.  
"...It'll be okay."  
I struggled for some words to reassure him, and regretted the ones I'd chosen as soon as I said them.  
How could I stay quiet, when he was in so much pain?  
"I'm...I'm sure Sanan will be all right."  
The lines in his face softened, but only slightly.  
"He's got a strong spirit. I just hope it's strong enough."

…  
At long last morning came.  
One by one, the captains returned to the common room, tired and bleary-eyed from their long night.  
It was Inoue's entrance that broke the silence.  
"He seems to have made it through the hardest part."  
The room breathed a silent sigh of relief.  
"He's still asleep. Looks pretty peaceful…"  
Nagakura only relaxed a little before saying, "So has Sanan gone crazy?"  
Inoue simply shook his head.  
"We won't know for sure until he wakes up, but he looks just like he always has."  
That was when the door slid open.  
"Good morning everyone."  
The tension that had relaxed at Inoue's entrance pulled tight as a drum at the sound of Itou's voice.  
At least, I thought, they don't do this when I just walk into a room.  
Then I realized I was comparing myself to Itou, and wondered why on Earth I would do something like that.  
"My my… You all look rather glum. Something to do with last night's excitement, I presume?"  
Itou's position wasn't just the result of politics, then. There would be no simply ignoring the incident, it appeared.  
"Uh… No, um…"  
Desperately, Kondou's eyes flew around the room, looking for someone who might give him a story.  
Nagakura folded his arms and turned to his close friend, "Sano! Make something up!"  
"What?! Me?! Uh, well...you see, yesterday-"  
"You're a miserable actor. Stay out of this."  
Okita's smile was bitter and thin.  
They sat back down.  
"How about you leave the explanation to someone who can string two words together, hm?"  
Okita looked at Saito expectantly, and the other man nodded once.  
"As you suspect, Deputy Commander Itou, there was an incident yesterday here at our headquarters."  
Furthermore, he continued, the situation was grim. Saito then proceeded to outline as much of the truth as he could, his eyes never wavering from Itou's face.  
"We did not wish to trouble you with such matters just yet, Deputy Commander."  
By way of apology, he made a short bow.  
"If you wish, I would be happy to provide you with a more detailed report this afternoon."  
"Oh my…"  
Itou's eyes narrowed and he looked slowly around the hall, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.  
"Very well. I comprehend your situation. I shall look forward to receiving the details this evening."  
With another strange smile, Itou stood, nodded slightly, and left the room.  
"Feels like he let it slide this time…" Okita said, "Maybe he just liked how Saito handled it."  
"What…?"  
Yes, Saito had been respectful and - at least on the surface - forthcoming, both of which had likely pleased Itou, but…  
What had he meant about letting it "slide"?  
"We shouldn't have let him see all of us together."  
I looked at Hijikata, confused.  
"The only man missing was Sanan. It won't take Itou long to realize something's happened to him."  
"Oh…"  
Then Itou had likely guessed at what had taken place, but decided not to press the issue. I was beginning to see what Kondou saw in him… There was certainly no doubt that he was clever and observant.  
"Ah!"  
I had looked up just in time to see Sanan shuffle through the door. His face was pale, but apart from that he looked much like he always had.  
"Sanan! ...Are you sure you should be up and about?" questioned Inoue.  
Sanan's only response was a small, sad smile.  
"I'm only a little tired. A side effect of my new condition, I suppose."  
His smile faded.  
"Those who've taken the draught often find that working during the daylight hours is especially taxing."  
In other words, it was working.  
Sanan was already transformed.  
"I am no longer human."  
He smiled.  
"Who cares what you are-you're alive! That's good enough for me!"  
I could see the beginnings of tears well up in Kondou's eyes, but the rest of the men were more reserved.  
They were happy to see their friend alive, but what had his resurrection cost him?  
Okita folded his arms his eyes flicked to Sanan's arm, "So...your arm's better, I'm guessing?"  
"I haven't fully recovered yet, so I would withhold any final judgement, but…"  
He lifted his left arm, the arm that the day before had hung limp at his side, and flexed his hand.  
"...It seems to have been healed. At the very least, it is no longer a hindrance."  
Thank goodness.  
If he had gone through all of that, just to find his arm still lame and useless…  
Harada seemed to finally find his voice, "You can't go out in the sun though, right? Will you still be able to fight with us?"  
If daylight drained one's energy, then living a normal life would be difficult enough, never mind fighting alongside the Shinsengumi.  
"Best you simply say I died."  
Sanan's voice was calm, almost careless.  
"From now on, I will serve in the Corps, to remind them, and us, that success is possible."  
Nagakura clearly disliked this plan, "What? Have you lost your mind?! Do you know what you're saying?!"  
"Of course I do. Do you, Nagakura? The shogun had ordered us to keep this thing a secret."  
Nagakura fell silent.  
"If I, ah, die, the shogun's secret remains so."  
Leaving no room for argument, he continued.  
"Besides, if the side effects can be managed, or even removed, then what reason do we have not to use it.?"  
To a man, they were against his idea, though none of them said anything. Who would want to consign a friend to a life of secrecy, lived in the shadows?  
"We were given this task by the shogun himself…" muttered Kondou.  
Sanan's suggestion might not have been pleasant, but it was logical. The drug was dangerous, yes, but if it could be refined; the side effects removed…  
It would be a powerful tool.  
A powerful weapon.  
Kondou closed his eyes, "...I suppose this is our only choice."  
And with his word, it was decided.  
"Well," said Okita, "this is what you asked for, Sanan. Make sure you don't screw it up."  
It wasn't exactly a vote of confidence, but Sanan simply responded with a smile.  
"This means moving to a new location isn't something we can put off any longer," said Hijikata. "If we're going to hide Sanan from Itou and his men, then we need more space. This place won't cut it."  
Saito nodded.  
"If we intended to begin research again, then a move is even more urgent."  
Sanan's fate decided, they turned to a discussion of where they might make their new headquarters.

Whatever my status was, it did not extend to being included in that discussion.  
Living with the Shinsengumi for the past year had been quite an experience. Lately, I'd felt that perhaps it wasn't so bad, and my life had become almost...fun.  
But the truth I couldn't escape was that I was only valuable to them because of my connection to my father; a truth they had made painfully clear to me.  
These men had lived with one another for years. My own time with them amounted to little more than a drop in the bucket. They had no reason to treat me as anything more than a casual prisoner, or at best a serving girl.  
I'd reminded myself of that countless times, but it only served to deepen my sense of loneliness.


	7. Chapter 2-2

Sorry for the wait...

* * *

CHAPTER 2 - 2

May 1865

It had been three months since we'd moved the headquarters to Nishi Hongwanji.  
"There's a lot more room, but…"  
More room meant, well, farther to walk.  
I'd walked through it nearly every day for several weeks, and I was finally beginning to learn my way around.

…  
As I turned a corner near the back of the compound, I caught sight of someone sitting in the shadows.  
"There you are, Sanan. Your food's ready."  
"Oh, hello. Thank you."  
The snow had disappeared, the cherry blossoms had bloomed and fled, and now the swallows and the heat had come.  
Sanan and I exchanged a pair of smiles, and I held out my hands to let the breeze brush across them.  
"It's really gotten warm lately."  
"Yes, it has. Unfortunately, the heat and the sunlight aren't particularly pleasant for me."  
"Really…?"  
I hadn't thought the sun was particularly strong that day, but to Sanan, who had to hide in the shadows or stay indoors during the day, it must have seemed unbearable.  
The night he'd...changed...Sanan's hair had turned white, and his eyes had been a thirst for blood.

But to look at his peaceful smile now, it was hard to imagine that night had even been real. If someone had taken me aside and said it was all a bad dream, I would have believed them.  
It hadn't been a dream, though, and now Sanan spends his days avoiding being seen and hiding from the sunlight.  
The Shinsengumi's greatest secret…  
"...Here it is."  
For just a moment, the sun lit on Sanan's hair.  
I don't know if it was a trick of the light or simply my mind being foolish, but in that moment, his hair was a brilliant white.  
"Ah!"  
"Is something the matter?" he asked, "You look as though you've seen a ghost, which I hardly feel is polite."  
"Oh! N-No! Nothing at all!"  
He looked perfectly normal now, of course. Surely, I thought, I must have simply imagined it.  
Even if I had, there was no denying that he was the same man who had gone mad with bloodlust. It was…unnerving.

…  
Heisuke and I made our way through the crowded-as-usual streets of Kyoto at a brisk pace.  
"You know, I haven't gone out on patrol with you in quite a while, Heisuke."  
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess not. Edo had me pretty busy."  
He then turned to me with a wide grin, "Shin and Sano didn't bug you while I was gone, did they?"  
"No, they were perfect gentlemen. I'm fine."  
I couldn't manage to supress a short giggle.  
"They look out for me when we're out on patrol, but I still haven'y found any information about my father, though…"  
He frowned and looked away, "Yeah, I stopped by your place in Edo after you told me where to find it, but...uh…"  
He couldn't seem to find the words he was looking for, and instead just kicked at a clup of dirt in frustration.  
"Oh… Well, thank you for taking the time to look anyway."  
Heisuke looked up in time to see my face fall, and gave me a good-natured pat on the shoulder.  
"C'mon, cheer up! Who knows? He might just pop up some day!"  
"You're right. Besides, you're all helping me look, so I've got to find him sooner or later. But what about you? You haven't been back to Kyoto in a while…"  
"Hm. Well...I sort of feel like the town has...changed. So have the people…"  
"Heisuke…?"  
The smile he'd put on to cheer me up a moment ago was gone.  
Nostalgia and melancholy weren't like him…  
"Hm…?"  
Heisuke's head jerked up a fraction of a degree, and he looked across the street. He stood up on his toes and waved.  
"Hey! Souji! Find anything over there?"  
"Nope. Everything's normal."  
Okita was out on patrol as well, although his route took him through a different part of the city than ours. He gave me a short nod of acknowledgement, then looked back toward Heisuke with a snicker.  
"...Well, normal for now, at least. I'm sure things'll pick up once the shogun gets here."  
"The shogun's coming to visit Kyoto," I asked.  
"Yep. It's got Kondou all worked up, too."  
If the shogun was visiting, that was a chance for the Shinsengumi to be noticed.  
Kondou's reaction to that possibility was easy to imagine. I giggled.  
"Oh yeah?" said Heisuke. "...Yeah, I bet he is…"  
That...didn't seem like Heisuke.  
Had something happened that I didn't know about?  
I looked over to Okita, hoping that he might help, but…  
"*cough* *cough*"  
"Okita…? Are you all right?"  
His face was tight with pain, and his coughing was getting worse. He glanced up, but his gaze swept past me and across the street.  
His eyes narrowed at something behind me, and I turned in time to see a ronin stumble backwards.  
"Whoa whoa! Wadda ya mean, 'no'?!"  
"Stop it! Let go of me!"  
"We're patriots, fightin' every day to kick those damn foreigners out of our country! The least you can do is give us a little booze! Or maybe even, heh, a little...company…?"  
Across the street, a clump of men-perhaps three of four-were harrassing a young girl.  
I didn't know what they were up to, but it didn't look pleasant.  
"We have to help her!"  
I felt Heisuke tense up next to me.  
"I know! Stay here, Chizuru-"  
Before he could finish, a flash of blue cloth shot past us, toward the dangerous knot of men.  
"Well well well. Guess being a patriot doesn't mean what it used to if we've got men like you throwing it around."  
The usual crowds shuffled away from Okita and the men as quickly as they could. None of them wanted to be nearby once words were put away and swords unsheathed.  
The ronin's eyes found Okita's jacket, and the men stiffened.  
"You… You're one'a those Shinsengumi fellas, ain't ya!"  
"Ah, you must be the brains. So tell me chief, what's it gonna be?"  
His lips curled back into a predatory smile as his hand fell to the haft of his sword. There was no mirth in that rictus grin, and the ronins' faces abruptly grew several shades paler.  
They were only somewhat deflated, however-not entirely punctured-and their ringleader made one more attempt.  
"Goddammit. Get outta here, ya brown-nosing son of a bitch!"  
Heisuke appeared next to Okita, "Shut up. If you really wanna live, maybe you should follow your own advice."  
The sight of two of the Shinsengumi's notorious blue jackets standing shoulder to shoulder was apparently enough of an argument for the Ronin. The last of the color drained from their faces, and they truned tail and ran.  
"You aren't going to go after them? Arrest them?" I demanded.  
"And charge them with which crime, exactly? Didn't figure you for the iron fist sort."

He was right, of course. They'd had crime on their minds certainly, but they hadn't actually committed one.  
"I-Iron fist…?"  
"What are you so worked up about? ...Ah, never mind. Forget about it."  
I glanced at Heisuke, not sure what to make of his peculiar tone.  
"Um… My name is Kaoru Nagumo. Thank you for saving me."  
I watched as the girl gave Okita a quick bow.  
She was so refined; so lady-like.  
Even dressed like a girl, I doubted I could ever be as elegant as her. I'd only just begun to feel sorry for myself when suddenly I felt a hand on my arm.  
"Woah! O-Okita?!"  
"Calm down, kid. Just c'mere and stand next to her."  
"Um…"  
He shoved me next to the girl we'd just rescued, then stepped back to stroke his chin thoughtfully.  
"U-Um… Okita…?"  
I glanced nervously toward the girl, and gave her my best attempt at a smile, under the circumstances.  
The smile she gave me in return was beautiful, but there was something about it that seemed...odd.  
"Just as I thought. They look just like each other…"  
He seemed to be talking mostly to himself, but as soon as the words seft his mouth, I realized what had seemed odd to me.  
"We look alike…?"  
No...no, it was more than that. We were too much alike. It was almost as if I were looking into a mirror, but a mirror witha will of its own, and wearing much better clothes.  
The longer I looked at her, the more uncomfortable I felt.  
I shuddered.  
"Really? I don't think they look alike at all," said Heisuke.  
"No no no. They're practically identical. Dress the kid up like a girl, and you wouldn't be able to tell 'em apart." said Okita.  
The girl-Kaoru-was looking straight at me, as if she hadn't heard a word Okita had said.

I had to say something, but...what?  
Perhaps she saw through my confusion, or perhaps it was something else-  
"I wish to thank you properly, but I'm afraid you've caught me in the middle of an important errand which I must attend to. Please fogive my rudeness."  
She bowed quickly to Okita.  
"I hope I will be able to repay you soon, Okita of the Shinsengumi."  
And with that, the girl who called herself Kaoru disappeared into the crowds of Kyoto, although the unease her presence had created in me remained.  
With a mischievous grin, Heisuke drug a playful elbow into Okita's ribs.  
"Hey hey hey! Looks like she's got the hots for you, Souji!"  
"Ha! Oh Heisuke… Is that really what you think? You've got a long way to go before you're at Sano's level."  
"What? Hey! What the hell's that supposed to mean?!"  
Their back-and-forth continued, but my mind was elsewhere. Last night's rain had left a number of puddles on the road, and when I looked into them I saw a strange girl who looked just like me.  
"Kaoru, huh…"  
Wind caught the surface of the puddle, sending a flurry of ripples across it. My face quirked into a small smile, but the face in the puddle didn't smile back.  
"C'mon Chizuru! Let's get moving," called Heisuke.  
"All right! I'm coming!"  
Wasting no more time on a puddle, I turned and ran toward Heisuke and Okita, already on their way back to headquarters.

...  
The temple was much larger than the compoud in Mibu, as advertised. The entire Shinsengumi could gather in the new common room with space to spare.  
As Kondou spoke, his voice echoed grandly throughout the hall.  
"By now, I imagine you have all heard that Iemochi Tokugawa, the 14th Shogun of the Tokugawa Shogunate, will be visiting our city of Kyoto."  
His grin widened and he paused for dramatic effect.  
"The Shinsengumi have been asked to guard him as he passes through the city on his way to Nijo Castle!"  
The Shinsengumi...guard the shogun?!  
Almost immediately, the room exploded in cheers.  
Hijikata smirked.  
"Heh… Too hard for them to ignore us after Ikeda and Hamaguri, huh? All that work's finally paying off."  
"Guess you could say the fate of the country'll be resting on our swords, huh…"  
Okita let out a snort of laughter as he spoke, but there was something in what he said that put me on edge.  
Then again, it wasn't as I'd be going to guard the shogun…  
"Parade guards, eh…" said Itou, "If only Sanan were still with us. We have truly lost a valuable ally…"  
They'd never told Itou the truth about Sanan.  
In fact, the entire incident surrounding his transformation had been covered up. Only a few of the men of the Shinsengumi knew the truth.  
Perhaps Kondou felt guilty for deceiving him, because I saw a breif flicker of bitterness cross his face before he spoke.  
"Well, at any rate, things are going to be rather hectic here very soon, so we ought to get our assignments hashed out. To begin with, I'd like Toshi, Souji and myself to-"  
"Sorry Kondou, but you think maybe Souji can sit this one out? I think he's getting sick."  
Kondou looked from Hijikata to Okita and back.  
"What? Souji, is this true? Are you all right?"  
Okita gave a sad smile, "The Demon's just being a mother hen, sir. I think I'm fine."  
Hijikata scowled at him and folded his arms, "Don't give me that crap. You just about coughed up a lung earlier."  
Okita sighed, "Fine, fine. Think someone's being a little overprotective, though…"  
His smile had turned a little bitter as he spoke, but he looked fine… Perhaps Hijikata was just being overprotective.  
I didn't have much time to dwell on it, however, before-  
"...Heisuke…?"  
"Uh...Um, Kondou… I'm not...feeling so great either…"  
Kondou frowned and turned to his youngest captain.  
"You too, Heisuke? This is our time to shine! I was hoping to have all of us there to greet the shogun…"  
Heisuke sighed and closed his eyes.  
"Yeah...sorry."  
"Oh, no, no, your health comes first. Always! I'm sure you'll have another chance. I'll just have to make sure you get to do something spectacular!"  
Kondou did his best to simply wave it off, but it was easy to see his genuine concern for Okita and Heisuke.  
Once he had finished inspecting the rest of the soldiers and sending them off on their assignments, Hijikata turned to me.  
"All right, what're you going to do?"  
Hijikata flicked his gaze toward me.  
"...Um?"  
"Don't give me that. I'm asking if you're coming with us or not."  
"I-I can go too?!"  
Kondou gave a bark of laughter.  
"Of course! We certainly won't mind. After all, you're practically one of us. If you want, I'd love to have you come."  
Could I? Could I really go…?  
I hesitated for a moment, confused, and Okita and Heisuke laughed.  
"You don't need to worry about yourself, kid. Nobody's gonna be stupid enough to try and attack the shogun."  
Heisuke nodded and smiled, "Why don't you go? I'd be surprised if anyone did so much as draw a sword."  
It didn't seem quite fair to me that I wasn't even a soldier and I could go, while they were stuck back at the compound.  
Still… I'd felt drained lately, with the lack of information we'd been able to uncover about my father. Perhaps this would be just the thing to cheer me up.  
"I'll go!"  
Perhaps the excitement of the occasion was infectious, as I felt a steel in my spine that hadn't been there before.  
If so, however, it appeared Hijikata was immune.  
"Calm down. You're just carrying messages. Think you can handle that?"

…

Right, left.  
Right, left.  
My footsteps echoed softly through the night.  
"Owww… My legs are starting to cramp up…"  
I decided it was best I take a short break and stopped to look up at the castle.  
In the early days of the Tokugawa shogunate, Nijo Castle had been a place for the shogun to stay on his way to the capital. It had been a while since a shogun had actually stayed in it, though.  
We'd met the shogun on the road and begun our escort about thirty minutes earlier, and had arrived at the castle relatively recently.  
By now, I imagined, Kondou, Nagakura, Inoue and the men were greeting the officials and other important people in the shogun's retinue.  
"Well, I've got a job to do too."  
More specifically, it was my job to tell all the soldiers when to change shifts, and generally carry messages back and forth.  
A glorified errand-girl, in other words.  
"This means I'm not totally useless...right?"  
Time to get back to work, then.  
Even a short walk around Nijo Castle was enough to see several blue jackets, all of them on guard, none of them nervous or anxious.  
"Well, of course… After all, the castle's really well-guarded. Only an idiot would try to-"  
A sudden chill ran down the length of my spine.  
I froze.  
"Ah!"  
…I knew the feeling.  
Two feet of cold steel, waiting to find their way into you.  
Eyes shining with a lust for blood and violence.  
I'd never hoped to find myself accustomed to such a horrible thing, but in the time since I'd begun living with the Shinsengumi, I had felt it more than once.  
I suppose they would have called what I felt radiating from the shadows, "bloodlust."  
My eyes were drawn up toward the roof, where no normal person would ever think to look. A large wall cast a shadow, shielding a section of the roof from the moonlight.  
There they stood.  
"You!"  
"...So, you've noticed us. Not too slow, then…"  
They looked very distinctive, unlike any soldiers I'd ever seen before, but three sets of piercing eyes scattered my thoughts and made it difficult for me to think.  
I had recognized them; now I had to put names to faces…  
Chikage Kazama was the one with short blonde hair and red eyes.  
Kyuju Amagiri was the one with reddish-brown hair puled back in a ponytail. He appeared to be the oldest of the three.  
Kyo Shiranui appeared to be the youngest with wavey black hair pulled back in a top-knot.  
They were connected somehow to both the Satsuma and the Choshu, and they'd made an effort to impede the Shinsengumi at Ikeda, and again at Hamaguri.  
Whoever they were, they did no belong at the shogun's castle!  
"Wh-Why are you here?!"  
"Hey little girl, you oughta be asking yourself how we got here, not why! ...It was pretty easy, you know. A little human wall doen't mean shit to a demon," said Kyo.  
"We are here for a specific purpose," added Amagiri. "That purpose is you, Chizuru Yukimura. We are here for you."  
"I...Idon't understand… A demon…? What do you mean? And why are you here for… No...no, you must be joking!"  
"...How can you ask what a demon is? Perhaps you're the one joking here. After all, you are one, just like us."  
Kazama stepped forward, the shadows following him like a cloak.  
When Amagiri spoke, it was calm and peaceful, as if he were trying to reason with a frightened child.  
"Do your injuries heal quickly? Too quickly, perhaps?"  
"Wh-What?!"  
"Do you heal from injuries faster than any human could?"  
"W-Well, I…"  
I couldn't bring myself to answer that, so I pursed my lips and remained silent instead.  
Shiranui's eyes narrowed.  
"What the hell? Maybe it'll be quicker if we just give her a demonstration."

Kazama gazed blankly at us.  
"Enough, Shiranui. I don't care if she admits it or not. We're here for a reason, and that hasn't changed."  
His eyes dropped to the kodachi at my waist.  
"Her family name is a demon's and she carries the Demon of the East's kodachi. That is evidence enough."  
My family name? What was wrong with "Yukimura"?  
I didn't understand what he was saying, but that didn't stop the cold sweat that I could feel inching down my spine.  
It felt almost as though the darkness itself was coming for me.  
"Then again, it isn't as though we need your permission to kidnap you." he paused a moment, "Female demons are rare. Now, come with me…"  
His hand stretched out from the darkness, pale and grasping, like the tentacle of some hideous subterranean monster-  
Then, out of nowhere, a blade flickered through the night.  
"Whoa there, pal. Tryin' to pick up chicks in a back alley? That's not creepy at all."  
I turned and felt myself slightly relax when I saw Harada and Saito.  
Kazama turned slowly, a snide look in his eyes, "…You again? The culture and the nose of a dog, I see."  
"Once could say the same of you," remarked Saito.  
Sword and spear glinted in the moonlight, and Kazama stepped back, momentarily stymied.  
"Harada! Saito!"  
My legs felt suddenly weak as if the now-shattered tension had been the only thing keeping me standing. I teetered backwards, my balance momentarily lost-  
A strong, sinewy hand caught me and pulled me back, its grip hard as steel.  
"Stay back."  
Hijikata.  
One hand guided me behind him even as the other drew his sword.  
"Hnn. I figured you were here for the shogun's head. What do you want from a kid?"  
"I've little interest in you or the shogun at the moment. The matter at hand concerns only we demons."  
Hijikata quirked his brow at Kazama.  
"Demons?"  
His eyes narrowed.  
"Heh… Haven't seen these punks since Hamaguri."  
Harada smirked.  
As he drew his spear back to a ready position, I saw Shiranui's hand move toward the gun on his hip.  
"True, though I feel little at this reunion." said Saito in a bored tone.  
Saito's hand tightened around his sword, and Amagiri's feet shifted into a stronger stance.  
Tension hung in the air so thick I could scarcely breath.  
They were a powder keg, ready to explode. Even the slightest movement could be enough to set them off.  
As slowly as I could, I moved my trembling hand toward the hilt of my Kodachi.  
I'd nearly reached it when a voice whispered in my ear.  
"Don't worry about the commander and the captains."  
"Y-Yamazaki?! When did you…?"  
He'd appeared as silently and invisibly as if he had been a shadow himself.  
"I've been ordered to return you to headquarters."  
"Then…you're telling me to run away?"  
it was true that if I remained, it was unlikely I could actually be of help to anyone.  
"I…"  
I glanced back the three "demons" and then back to Yamazaki.  
"...I'm going to stay here."  
Yamazaki's brow twitched momentarily in surprise.  
"You don't understand. What do you hope to accomplish by remaining here?"  
"I...I know that staying here might not be the smartest idea. And I know that I probably won't be able to help. In fact, I might even get in the way…"  
I paused a moment.  
"...But I have to. I'm sorry."  
They'd called me a demon, and told me to come with them.  
I still didn't know what they'd meant by that. I needed to know the truth.  
"You have a reason to stay then, and conviction. I can admire that." He sighed, "Unfortunately, I have my orders. Just as you must remain true to what you believe is right, so must I."  
"Wha-?!"  
Yamazaki reached for my arm, ready to take me with him by force.  
His hand had nearly reached me when I felt a bolt of lightning race up my spine. I spun around to see Shiranui; his hand wrapped tight around the grip of his pistol, and his eyes aflame with the heat of a blacksmith's forge.  
"Hold on there, buddy. The princess says she wants to stay, so she stays. You gotta learn when to let the girl go!"  
Harada grunted in frustration.  
With his last word, Shiranui launched himself toward us, just as Harada leapt to intercept him.  
Kyuju seemed annoyed.  
"*sigh* There are times when quick decisions are important, but Shiranui's short temper can be problematic."  
"Perhaps," said Saito, "but you seem uninterested in stopping him."  
Saito and Amagiri had maneuvered nearly into striking distance of one another.  
"Dammit! What the hell are you doing?!"  
The brewing fight had gone from a brawl, to a set of three duels. Hijikata threw me an angry look before turning to glare at Kazama.

I wrapped my fingers around the haft of my kodachi, and looked at Kazama. There...there had to be something I could do!  
"Get out of here, you Idiot! He'll tear you apart! Yamazaki, keep her out of this!"  
Hijikata edged sideways, putting himself more firmly between Kazama and myself.  
The other man glared at him his mouth thinning to a tight line.  
"Desperate peasants. I suppose you take some joy from impeding us?"  
"Says the pot to the kettle. The reminds me," said Hijikata, "I haven't paid you back for the man you killed at Hamaguri, have I?"  
The air between them fairly hummed with tension.  
Apart though I was, I could still feel their intensity. It was hard to breathe.  
Two more steps, and they would be within the reach of one-another's swords.  
"Hmph. You wish to kill me, and put my body as an offering on the grave of the man you lost?"  
"Don't be an idiot. I'd rather send you to apologize to him in person."  
One more step…  
It begon so fast that I heard Hijikata's sword slither from its scabbard in the same instant that I heard it strike Kazama's blade.  
"Ah!"  
The two swords ground against one another, screaming in protest. Even from a distance away, I'd felt the impact when they'd met, but Kazama seemed unphased.  
Hijikata's eyes flicked toward me, and his hands tightened on his sword.  
"What the hell do you want with this kid anyway?!"  
"Chizuru is too much for you," replied Kazama, "We've come to take her off your hands. Quite simple."  
"And just what's that supposed to mean?!" barked Hijikata.  
Their blades shuddered and danced too fast for my eyes to follow. All I could catch was the flicker of movement as the moonlight caught them, and the flash of sparks when they met.  
They leapt at each other, blades flashing, and met for a moment.  
The two men sprang away, circled, then leapt forward again.  
The clipped strands of Kazama's hair drifted away on a cool evening breeze.  
"…I see."  
There were no signs of fear on his face.  
Instead, I saw what I thought was perhaps the tiniest flicker of respect.  
He lowered his sword.  
"What the hell is this?"  
Both men stepped back, their fight clearly finished.  
"...Further fighting serves no purpose. We will do nothing more than attract unwanted attention."  
Amagiri's voice was calm; as deep and harsh as two boulders grinding toghether.  
Kyo sneered, "What, you talkin' to me? C'mon, I know when to leave a party."  
Kazama looked at his companions momentarily, then nodded.  
"Yes. Our suspicions have been confirmed. We've no need to stay. This time, we only came to say hello."  
Saito narrowd his eyes.  
"Do you really believe we'll simply allow you to walk away?"  
"Then call your men. You three may survive, but how many of your soldiers will we slaughter before we escape? Would you spend their lives so easily?"  
There was no doubt that Kazama and his companions were powerful. There was no edge of arrogance in his voice… Only cold fact.  
They left silently, fading into the darkness, but as he did Kazama spoke to me one last time.  
"I will return for you. Soon."  
He was far out of arm's reach, but his words felt as if they brushed against my cheek, cold and threatening.  
A shiver ran up my spine.  
"Whoa! Are you all right, Chizuru?"  
I took the hand Harada offered, and pulled myself to my feet.  
Hijikata was still staring intently out into the darkness, but when he spoke it was to me.  
"...Kid. You got any idea why they were after you?"  
I hesitated.  
They had said I was one of them. Kazama had invited me to go with him…  
Had he been telling the truth?  
I didn't know.  
"Um...I'm not sure."  
There was really nothing more I could say.

…

So much had happened. My mind spun, full to bursting.  
Once the rest of the men returned, there was a meeting among the captains.  
The subject of that meeting was the three men who'd appeared at Nijo Castle: Chikage Kazama, Kyuju Amagiri, and Kyo Shiranui.  
They had called themselves demons, and their previous encounters with the Shinsengumi suggested that they were involved, somehow, with the Satsuma and Choshu.  
Although it wasn't clear if the three men were members of any domain, the Satsuma and Choshu were the most vocal imperialist domains.  
What was clear was they - Kazama, Amagiri, and Shiranui - were not to be taken lightly.  
There was another problem, however…  
Why had they come for me?  
Hijikata asked if I had any idea why they would have targeted me, but I was as despereate to know as he was.  
They'd called me one of them, and they'd known my last name. Kazama had pointed out my kodachi, although I didn't understand what he'd said.  
I couldn't bring myself to tell Hijikata and the captains. What if they didn't believe me? I didn't believe me…  
My name is Chizuru Yukimura.  
I am the daughter of my father and my mother. I am a normal girl; nothing out of the ordinary.  
My only memento of my mother, my kodachi, lay in my palm. I squeezed it tight.  
Who am I?


	8. Chapter 2-3

This one's a little shorter than the others.

* * *

CHAPTER 2-3

June 1865

The compound was alive with noise and movement.  
I passed several soldiers in the halls, each one of them excited about something.  
What was going on?  
The sound of someone fast approaching drew my attention elsewhere.  
"*Pant* *Pant* This is...this is unconscionable! Never, in all my…!"  
"Itou? Is something wrong?!"  
"Yes! Yes, I'd say everything is wrong!"  
Still out of breath, he paused.  
"Why should I be made to bare my skin in the same room as those...those savages?!"

Itou's explanation was anything but.  
"Um… Is there something going on today?"  
Itou did his best to collect himself, shakily adjusting his hair and clothing before he spoke.  
"A supposed doctor that Kondou met during the Shogun's visit has come here."  
His eyes narrowed and he shuddered.  
"He is conducting...physical examinations."  
With a disdainful sniff, he glared pointedly across the hall, toward the area he'd just left.  
The men were getting physical checkups, that much I knew. Given my...particular situation, I'd been exempted by the captains, who had also given me special instructions to stay away.  
Itou cleared his throat.  
"That hairless monster! He demanded that I remove my clothes! In front of everyone! When I refused, as any decent man would do, he attempted to remove them himself. By force! And the rest of them just...just stood there! What sort of uncultured savages are they?!"  
"Savages" seemed a bit strong…  
At any rate, perhaps I should go see just what a physical entailed… I was a doctor's daughter, after all.  
"What's the doctor's name?"  
"I believe he called himself Ryojun Matsumoto."  
What?!  
"Wait… Doctor Matsumoto?!"  
When I'd first come to Kyoto, my plan had been to try and find Doctor Matsumoto. My father had told me that I could rely on the man if I ever needed anything.  
Unfortunately, he'd been away on business when I'd arrived, and after that…  
"I'm going to go watch the physical exams!"  
There was no time to waste!  
"Oh my… So you want to see those savages? What peculiar taste…"

…

"Is...this it…?"  
I could hear loud voices from inside…  
"Oh! ...Oh…"  
The scene froze me in place.  
Nagakura, Saito, Heisuke and Harada stood amongst the rank-and-file soldiers...half-naked.  
The man I assumed was Doctor Matsumoto looked up from his notes.  
"All right, next."  
Nagakura gave the man a silly grin.  
"At last! My turn! Check this out, Doctor!"  
He started flexing his muscles and grunting.  
"Hm? Hm?! Wadda ya think?! You're looking at the amazing product of years of training!"  
Heisuke gave a bark of laughter.  
"Your body's fine, Shin. I think it's your head the doctor oughta be taking a look at."  
Nagakura's gaze flicked at his youngest fellow captain.  
"What's that? You say you want me to beat the daylights out of you?"  
The doctor waited patiently for him to sit and when he did, Doctor Matsumoto grabbed him by the chin and looked at his eyes.  
"You're fine, Shinpachi Nagakura. Move along. Next!"  
Nagakura blinked and then narrowed his eyes.  
"Whoa, hold on there, Doc! You gotta get a good look at this-"  
"No, you're quite fine. Healthy as a horse. And I've seen quite enough, thank you."  
Nagakura started to protest but Harada stopped him by pulling him away from the doctor.  
"You're holding up the line, Shinpachi. Get moving, all right?"  
Nagakura turned back to Doctor Matsumoto.  
"I'm just saying, I don't really think you've had time to fully examine-"  
Saito was becoming annoyed.  
"A medical examination is for finding problems, not showing off. Now move."

It wasn't difficult to see why Itou had been so desperate to escape. I couldn't imagine him as part of such a display.  
Doctor Matsumoto looked up from his notes to the current rank-and-file soldier sitting before him.  
"You need to take better care of your digestive system. Here. Take this after every meal."  
He looked down into his bag.  
"Hm. Looks like I'm out of medicine."

…

I was waiting outside when Matsumoto stepped out of the room where he was conducting the examinations.  
"Um, excuse me!"  
"Yes?"  
He looked at me for a moment, his eyes narrowed in curiosity.  
"Well, I need to fetch some more medicine, so perhaps now is a good time for a break. Can you give me a hand?"  
"Oh… Y-Yes, of course!"  
What luck!

…

"Um, Doctor Matsumoto…"  
"Ah, Doctor. Hello, Yukimura."  
Kondou appeared, just as I was preparing to introduce myself to the doctor.  
"I see you've found her already."  
"Yes, thanks to you."  
"What?"  
I was utterly lost.  
Doctor Matsumoto laid a gentle hand on my shoulder.  
"Chizuru… i came here to see you. Kondou told me that Kodo's daughter was staying with the Shinsengumi."  
"Oh...I see…"  
"I knew Kodo and Matsumoto were acquaintances… So, I thought perhaps Matsumoto might be able to give us a clue as to his friend's whereabouts. I looked him up as soon as he returned to Kyoto."  
The Shinsengumi had their own reasons for wanting my father found, but Doctor Matsumoto's appearance was still cause for joy.  
"Thank you, both of you."  
They smiled.

…  
Doctor Matsumoto went on to explain that he had just barely missed me when he'd left for Edo as I came to Kyoto.  
He'd received all my letters, but once he'd finally returned, he had no idea where I'd gone, and consequently couldn't come find me.  
Kondou's mention of my presence had taken him quite by surprise.  
"I'm sorry that I missed you. You must have had a rough time of it." He paused and then, "Is there anything you need?"  
"No, I'm doing all right."  
I smiled reassuringly and then, "So, Doctor Matsumoto… About my father…"  
His face took on a grim cast, and before he even spoke I knew what his response would be.  
"Unfortunately, I know no more about where Kodo might be than you do."  
"I...I see."  
The defeated tone of my voice surprised me.  
I suppose on some level I had believed that Doctor Matsumoto would have some sort of miraculous revelation about my father…  
Foolish of me, of course, but that didn't make the truth any less devastating.  
Kondou simply nodded.  
"I hear you've become involved with the...um...the treatment. You know what I mean, don't you? Kodo's experiments…"  
Yes, I knew what he meant. The experiments my father had conducted with some strange concoction that could make people go mad.  
"Please, tell me about it. I want to know everything my father was doing."  
He nodded.  
"Kodo was working with the Shinsengumi under orders from the shogun to create what were called the 'furries'. Furies are humans with high-demonic strength and speed, and phenomenal healing abilities."  
"Furies…"  
It was the first time I'd heard the word.  
The doctor paused for a moment to look at me, then continued.  
"The substance that transforms normal men into these furies is called the Water of Life. In China, they call it 'sentan.' In short, it grants immortality."  
"Furies… Water of Life…"  
It sounded more like something from a fairy tale than real life…  
But there was something in the tone of Doctor Matsumoto's voice that said he was telling the truth.  
"I've already heard about how it makes you strong and hard to kill… …But doesn't it cause so much pain that it makes most people go crazy? And even if you survive that, then even the smell of blood can make you go crazy again…"  
Doctor Matsumoto nodded slowly, then pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. He looked very tired.  
"So you know about that too…"  
"Yes…"  
They were human, but...not human. Perhaps they were something entirely different now?  
I couldn't see how this "Water of Life" could ever be used for good. Even if it had healed Sanan's arm, he suffered greatly in the process.  
"Why?"  
It came out more a moan than a question.  
My father would never want to ruin the life of another, but because of what he'd done, people had suffered-some had even died.  
"Why was my father doing this?"  
But it wasn't just my father…  
I was sure no one involved had wanted such a terrible outcome…  
"Perhaps that is why Kodo left. His conscience would no longer allow him to continue."  
These words seemed to upset Kondou who turned to the doctor and said, "But the Water of Life was an opportunity given to us by the shogun, to help strengthen the Shinsengumi!"  
The doctor only shook his head.  
"It was an experiment, and it has failed. You should put it behind you. I'm sure the shogunate has abandoned it as well."  
Kondou frowned, perhaps unhappy that Doctor Matsumoto would question the shogunate's original decision.  
"You've seen what happened to the men it was tested on, Kondou. It cannot be allowed to continue. This experiment is inhumane and you know it."  
"Hrnn."  
Kondou gave a noncommittal grunt and fell silent.  
I was sure Kondou knew just how dangerous it was to use the Water of Life, but the shogunate had come to him with a request.  
Perhaps he was unable to refuse, even if he wanted to.  
Silence fell like a thick blanket.  
It had grown almost unbearable, when-  
"An outsider had no right to object."  
"Sanan?!"  
He was especially pale, which seemed to be one of the consequences for being active during the day.  
"Is it okay for you to be up right now?"  
"Sanan, you look pale." said Kondou, frowning.  
"Don't worry about me."  
He bowed quickly, his mouth a compressed line, and turned to regard the doctor with a cool gaze.  
"We use this treatment effectively, and at our own discretion."  
"It's dangerous, and far too strong…"  
Sanan's expression softened slightly.  
"We have continued Kodo's research. I am, as you can see, living proof. So to speak."  
As Sanan did indeed prove, it was possible to drink the Water of Life and retain your sanity. It just wasn't easy.  
"Perhaps you're right, but one success hardly means you have unlocked its secrets."  
Sanan narrowed his eyes again.  
"I respectfully disagree. With continued research and modification, we will have many more successes, and fewer casualties."  
"This isn't a matter of fewer casualties. It's a matter of casualties, period! It isn't worth the deaths of any more of your men."  
Sanan was now glaring at the doctor.  
"The men who have given their lives are the foundation of our work. I won't allow them to have died in vain."  
"But-"  
"All right, that's enough. From both of you," said Kondou. "Why don't we discuss this some other time?"  
It was my private opinion that they were unlikely to agree, no matter what time they discussed the subject, but I felt it would be polite to keep that to myself.  
"...Very well."  
There seemed to be very little in the way of common ground between them, but I could see the merit of both their arguments. Likely Kondou had as well, and had chosen to end things before it got...unpleasant.  
"…If you insist, Kondou."  
Sanan's face betrayed nothing of what he might be thinking, even when the corner of his mouth quirked up into the beginning of a smile.  
He bowed once more, and left as swiftly as he'd arrived.  
Kondou cleared his throat loudly.  
"So, ah, how did the exams go?"  
"Ah, yes. About that…"  
Doctor Matsumoto's face took on the look of someone about to discuss something exceedingly grotesque.  
"Nearly a third of your men are sick, or injured, or both."  
"What?!" I nearly shrieked.  
"Impossible!"  
"It is not only possible, Kondou, it is the truth. What on Earth have you been doing to these poor men?"  
The doctor folded his arms.  
"Cuts, lacerations, bowel pain… The entire place is lousy with...well, lice, for one."  
"Are you serious?"  
"First, you need to set aside a room dedicated to medical care. Sick men can be sent there. Second, you need to clean this place up. Otherwise, I won't be able to help you."  
Kondou frowned.  
"I see. Well, if the good doctor says so…"

…

And so we were ordered to clean the entire compound.  
The captains complied, although they certainly seemed less than enthusiastic about the idea.

…  
The following day, Doctor Matsumoto returned for an inspection.  
"Well, you've certainly cleaned this place up…"  
He looked pleased, if not a little smug.  
"It better be," said Nagakura, "We busted our asses."  
Heisuke sighed, seeming tired.  
"Yeah, except for Souji. The only thing his ass busted was a chair. Doesn't seem fair to me…"  
Okita frowned.  
"Can't blame me if Hijikata's an overprotective old woman."  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes as he turned to him.  
"Shut it. You can run around all you want soon as you can go a day without coughing up a lung."  
If Hijikata had any actual concern for Okita's health, his face showed none of it.  
Saito smiled.  
"Nonetheless, a clean home is a nice change."  
Hijikata nodded.  
"True. The place looks...different. I guess I could get used to this."  
"Well," started Harada, "maybe we should clean every day, then."  
"Great idea," laughed Nagakura as he turned to Heisuke, "Make sure you do a good job, Heisuke!"  
The youngest captain glared at him seeming very offended.  
"Me?! Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute here! You've got the most energy, Shin! Don't think you're getting out of this."  
"I'll help too!" I offered.  
This brought the smile back to Heisuke's young face.  
"Good, good! We'll all give it a shot tomorrow, all right?"  
Nagakura arched his right brow and glanced at us.  
"Hey, wait a minute! When exactly did I tell you I was gonna help?"  
Hijikata smirked at him.  
"Shinpachi, there's some trash over there. Go throw it away."  
Nagakura folded his arms.  
"We aren't starting till tomorrow, right? Heisuke?"  
Saito closed his eyes and smiled.  
"Stop running around like that. We've just cleaned, and you're already kicking up dust."  
I was enjoying their banter so much I almost didn't notice Okita quietly step outside.  
"Oh…?"  
I could just see Okita and Doctor Matsumoto outside, walking off somewhere together. Where could they be going, I wondered.  
I was worried for Okita, but…

He'd be fine so long as Doctor Matsumoto was with him.  
"…Yeah."  
After the excitement wound down, I excused myself and went back to work.

…

I was outside sweeping, bamboo broom in hand, when he appeared.  
"…They make you do chores here, do they?"  
"What?!"  
The cool, bemused voice had come from behind me.

It took only half a second to realize that it was a voice I'd heard before. Slowly, I turned around.  
"You have the pure blood of a demon running in your veins, and yet you run errands and clean up for a pack of humans?"  
Chikage Kazama, just as I'd suspected.  
His face was a mixture of surprise and sneering disgust as he looked down at me through cold eyes.  
I took the broom in both hands like a staff, and stepped into what I hoped was a fighting stance.  
"Wh-What are you doing here?!"  
"...Hmph."  
It was halfway between a disdainful laugh and an amused snort.  
"You mean to fight me with that, hm? Your heritage hasn't blessed you with brains, I see."  
His tone was mocking, but his eyes were like two chips of ice. This was a dangerous man.  
What was i to do?! I could hardly face him alone!  
"Calm down. I haven't come here to fight. Not today, at least. I only want to know what, if anything, you have to do with Kodo."  
Kodo… That was my father's name. But why would he, of all people, mention my father?  
"You want to know about my father?"  
His eyes narrowed.  
"…Father? You mean Kodo?"  
"If you're talking about Kodo Yukimura, then yes, he's my father."  
"...I see."  
I'd seen surprise in his face at first, but now an understanding seemed to have dawned across it.  
Unfortunately, my own confusion had only deepened.  
"Why are you asking about my father?"  
I lowered the broom, my situation temporarily forgotten, when-  
"Trying to sneak into the enemy camp alone, huh? Well, not on my watch."  
"Hijikata?!"  
He settled into a light fighting stance, placing himself between Kazama and my pathetically ineffectual broom.  
"What're you doin' out here in broad daylight? little early in the day to be pickin' up chicks, pal."  
"Get away from her!"  
"Harada… Heisuke!"  
"I heard you yelling," said Harada, "Sounded like you were up to something besides cleaning."  
Heisuke gave me a concerned glance.  
"You alright, Chizuru? Are you hurt?"  
I nodded, relieved.  
"The Mibu's wolves can only fight in a pack, eh?"  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes.  
"Watch it."  
I could feel the tension rising by the second, but it was Kazama who attempted to cut through it.  
"If you want to play, then I'm happy to oblige, but I'm here today simply to take care of some business. More specifically, to issue a warning. Stop trying to turn humans into demons."  
"...What?"  
Humans into demons?  
Was he talking about the Water of Life…? "Not your business," snapped Hijikata.  
"Yeah," said Harada. "What makes you think we're gonna listen to a sleazebag who'd attack a girl in broad daylight?"  
Kazama sneered at them.  
"Idiots. Are you too blind to see I'm doing you a favor?"  
If he was trying to show the Shinsengumi kindness, it certainly didn't show on his face.  
"This is our turf!" barked Heisuke. "You better shut your trap before we gotta do it for you!"  
"Hmph. The smaller the dog, the louder the bark."  
Kazama looked away from the captains, as if suddenly entirely uninterested in them, and fixed me with his cold gaze.  
"Kodo is with us now, Chizuru. Do you understand what that means? Your father has abandoned the shogunate."  
"What…?"  
His mysterious smile gave me nothing in the way of explanation.  
"Why are you here? I suggest you think on that. Carefully."  
Then, with a slow, rippling motion-like a shadow slipping across the ground-he turned his back to us and vanished.  
What was happening?  
What were demons, and why had they come after me?  
My father was with them? On their side, he must have meant.  
Did that mean he was working with national imperialists?  
The inside of my head was a swirling mass of questions and doubts, but the one thing that most concerned me was…  
Who were these men who called themselves "demons"?  
"What are these 'demons'?"  
Hijikata crossed his arms, his face dark.  
"After fighting them, I can say they sure as hell aren't human. Not by a long shot."  
His eyes narrowed further.  
"He's skinny as a rail, but he can hit like an ox. Yeah, I'd say 'demon' is a pretty good way to describe him."  
Kazama and his companions clearly had strength and skill far beyond that of most men.  
Perhaps they really were monsters of some sort.  
"Well hell," said Harada, "if Hijikata thinks they're demons, then they've gotta be demons."  
Heisuke nodded.  
"Yup. He's the Shinsengumi's Demon, after all."  
Hijikata was not amused.  
"Shut it you two. This is serious!"  
Their playful argument was familiar ground, but it gave me something to hold on to; a small beacon against the darkness.  
"He he…"  
I felt myself relax, and a sigh of relief found its way to my lips.

…

From then on, Matsumoto visited the compound regularly, to check up on the men of the Shinsengumi.  
The Corps was renamed the Fury Corps, but remained secret.  
Still, I couldn't help but wonder… Was it really all right to continue to research the creation of furies?  
It wasn't long before I began to wish I'd never heard of the Water of Life, or Furies.


	9. Chapter 2-4

sorry for the wait...

* * *

CHAPTER 2-4

October 1865

After the dust cleared, following the Hamaguri Rebellion, the shogun set about cleaning house.  
The Choshu Domain were declared enemies of the court, and the shogun gathered other domains and launched a military campaign known as the Choshu Expedition.  
It was the intention of the shogunate to completely demolish the Choshu Domain, but intervention on the part of Satsuma and some of the other domains lead to an early end for the Expedition with no actual battles fought.  
Perhaps feeling they'd dodged a bullet, the Choshu Domain fell silent for a time. Their obedience was short-lived, however, andbefore long their disrespect for the shogun became impossible to ignore.  
Kondou was asked to accompany an envoy sent to the Choshu to investigate their behavior, but they refused to even meet with the envoy.  
Fed up with their insubordination, the shogunate ordered the Second Choshu Expedition…

…  
"Hey! Guys! Listen up!" shouted Nagakura.  
"What is it, Nagakura? Is something wrong?"  
Harada narrowed his eyes.  
"What, you run into some outlaw ronin out there?"  
Nagakura crossed his arms and turned to his friend.  
"No, it's way worse than that. I heard that Lord Iemochi's dead!"  
"What?!" I practically shrieked.  
Lord Iemochi, the 14th Shogun of the Tokugawa Shogunate?!  
I could feel my chest tighten.  
I'd never seen his face in person, and neither had most of the Shinsengumi.  
Even so, the Shinsengumi had been assigned to guard him in the past, and he was the symbol of the shogunate.  
"Are you sure," said Harada, just above a whisper, "Man, this has gotta be the worst time for something like this to happen…"  
His brows furrowed in concern.  
"What's gonna happen to the Choshu Expedition? Have they decided on a new shogun yet?"  
"I don't really know any details…" said Nagakura.  
"There's no way we can go to war without a leader," stated Harada, "It'd destroy morale."  
Nagakura nodded.  
"I know. I've got a real bad feeling about this. The Choshu got off easy. I'm hoping they'll get the pounding they deserve this time, but…"  
"They're only a single domain…" I said, more to my self than to them.  
I tried to convince myself that a single domain couldn't cause much of a problem, but I couldn't shake that feeling of dread.  
Soon afterward, the shogunate lead a massive army against the Choshu, but the expense of war weighed heavily on the coffers of the other domains, and they fielded fewer troops than the shogunate had hoped for.  
The death of Iemochi was another blow to army morale, and some domains withdrew from the war entirely.  
So it was that the Second Choshu Expedition ended in a shocking defeat for the shogunate army.  
That was the moment when the shogunate government, stable for 260 years, began to waver.

…  
"It sure has been hot lately…"  
I swept my hand across my face, wiping away several new beads of sweat.  
Kyoto was a nice city, but I could have certainly done without the humid heat.  
"...Indeed," was Saito's reply.  
Beneath his usual calm there was a hint of alertness and carefully-restrained violence, and for good reason.  
The Choshu had been declared enemies of the court after the Hamaguri Rebellion had driven out of Kyoto, but some feared remnants of their forces had remained behind, in hiding.  
Now more than ever, Saito and the rest of the Shinsengumi had to be alert and focused when on patrol.  
"I'll begin with this store."  
He turned to me.  
"Wait here. There is nothing for you to do inside."  
"All right."  
He gave me a short nod of confirmation, and stepped into the shop with his men.  
His calm voice carried to me as he addressed the people inside.  
"I'm from the Shinsengumi. I have come to inspect your store."  
"Y-Yes, sir. Of course."  
The store owner sounded nervous.  
I'd been waiting for Saito and his division for a few minutes when I noticed a commotion nearby.  
"Hey! Outta the way! You got a couple patriots comin' through here!"  
A number of rather unpleasant-looking ronin were making their way in my general direction, yelling, threatening, and generally intimidating anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.  
"Patriots"? Hardly. Perhaps they considered themselves loyal to the imperial court, but they looked like the lort who only used their supposed patriotism as an excuse to steal and kill.  
These were just the sort of men whom the Shinsengumi was charged with subduing.  
"Hey! You deaf?! I told you to move!"  
The ronin tossed a poorly-aimed kick at a child playing in the street.  
"Stop-!"  
I'd barely taken a single step toward them, when-  
"Desist, you hooligans!"  
I didn't see where she'd come from, but a girl had run out to place herself between the ronin and the child.  
"Wassis? You think you can tell us what to do, lady?!"  
The head hooligan glared at the girl.  
"Ha! Some broad wants to pick a fight with us?! Patriots loyal to the emperor?!"  
The man's obviously short fuse had been lit. He made a grab for the girl and missed. I suspected his next attack wouldn't be quite so inaccurate.  
I couldn't let that happen.  
"Who're you?" said the thug. "You know this broad?"  
"No, I don't."  
"Then howsabout you keep your damn nose outta my goddamn business!"  
Flecks of spit flew from his mouth as he roared at me, and my legs suddenly felt somewhat weaker than they had a moment ago.  
But I was committed. I couldn't run now.  
"If you truly love your country as you say…" I started. "…Then why do you abuse women and children?"  
I narrowed my eyes.  
"A samurai should protect common people, not attack them!"  
"What did you say?!"  
A suddenly self-confident bystander shouted, "That's right! You tell him, son!"  
"How'dya like that, ya damn ronin! Patriot, my ass! Get outta my city!"  
Something about my speech seemed to have struck a chord with the crowd that had begun to gather. With the cheers, my legs started to regain some of their usual steadiness.  
"You son of a bitch!"  
With the rough hiss of metal, the ronin's sword leapt from its scabbard. I suddenly discovered I had difficulty swallowing.  
I could try to dodge, but if I did, he might hit the girl my actions had intended to protect.  
…No, that wasn't an option. I shut my eyes-  
"Gaagkh!"  
"Huh?"  
Slowly, carefully, I opened my eyes.  
"You needn't worry. I used the back of my sword."  
"Saito!"  
The thug groaned in pain but it appeared he would survive.  
"Urgh…hnng… You…"  
Saito turned to a few of his men.  
"Take them to headquarters. They may be Choshu."  
"Yes, sir!"  
Working quickly, Saito's men set to work binding the ronin for transport.  
Saito's cold eyes fell on me.  
"That was reckless. Why didn't you call me?"  
I blushed.  
"I-I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking…"  
Suddenly the girl turned on me.  
"The gentleman is right! You were dreadfully reckless! I had the situation quite well in hand."  
"Ah… Um…"  
A scolding from Saito was expected, but I hadn't thought that my erstwhile damsel in distress would contribute.  
"I'm sorry I made you worry…"  
I gave her a short, slightly confused bow, to which she blinked as if suddenly remembering something very important.  
"Oh, but… You did save me, didn't you now?"  
She smiled.  
"And I haven't yet thanked you! How crude of me. Thank you."  
She gave a little bow of her own.  
"I must say, you're awfully courageous! Most people wouldn't dare confront a ronin so!"  
"No, I didn't… I mean, Saito and his men saved me. I didn't really do anything…"  
She raised a dainty hand to her mouth in a poor attempt to stifle a giggle.  
"He he. Oh, you needn't be so modest. I suspect that this, our meeting here, is providence. Young ladies must watch out for one another here in the city!"  
"Uh…?"  
Saito glanced from her to me, and an expression flickered across his face that I couldn't quite place.  
"…You can't expect to fool everyone. There's no need to worry about it."  
"Umm…"  
"Oh dear. Was it supposed to be a secret? Perhaps I...shouldn't have mentioned it?"  
"Well...ah…"  
I wasn't entirely sure how to respond. How does a person respond to that sort of question?  
She seemed to sense my confusion, and gracefully moved on.  
"I'm terribly sorry, but I don't believe I've even asked your name! How terribly boorish of me! I should very much like to be friends, but it is difficult to become acquainted with the nameless. Might I inquire as to who you are, then?"  
"Um, well, this is-"  
It seemed only polite to introduce him first, being that he was a good deal more important than I, but the girl seemed to have other ideas.  
"Oh, I know who he is. Mr. Saito, yes? The Shinsengumi is frightfully famous here."  
She turned back to me.  
"And you are?"  
"My name is Chizuru Yukimura. It's nice to meet you."  
The girl gave a kind smile.  
"And it is a pleasure to meet you, Chizuru. You may call me Sen."  
"Ms. Sen?"  
"Oh goodness, you needn't be so uptight! You look to be about my age, so I see no reason for us not to speak as contemporaries."  
"Um… So, just Sen, then?"  
"Yes, I suppose that will do."  
She grasped my hand between her own, her face open and earnest.  
"We must meet again sometime, Chizuru."  
She gave my hand a gentle squeeze, then turned and left, her kimono flapping behind her.  
Our encounter was over before I'd had a chance to grasp what was even happening, and so I simply stood, stunned, for a moment or two.  
"Um…"  
I glanced up uncertainly at Saito.  
"…Is my, um, disguise really so easy to see through?"  
If it wasn't, then how had Sen, who'd I'd just met, been able to tell immediately that I was a girl? I had to admit I'd felt like it was a prety good disguise…  
Saito looked down at me, a strange expression on his face.  
"…Who knows?"  
"What? Wait, what's that supposed to mean?!"  
His only response was a flicker of a smile. I opened my mouth to protest-  
"We should go," said Saito, all signs of amusement gone. "We've fallen behind already. We must hurry to complete our patrol on time."  
He spun on his heel and marched off down the street.  
"...Fine!"  
It was clear he had given me all the answers I was going to receive, and so I hurried to catch up, albeit somewhat petulantly.

…  
It felt like summer: Each day was hotter than the last.  
On this particular sweltering day, I was bringing some tea to Kondou, who was relaxing on the veranda.  
"Here's your tea, sir."  
"Oh! Thank you…"  
He had been deep in thought; arms crossed and face stern.  
Things had been…bad since Lord Iemochi's death. Kondou especially was having a difficult time of it.  
Perhaps it was best if I simply left him alone…  
I turned, and had already begun to walk away when he spoke.  
"Matsumoto is examining Souji right now."  
His coughing had grown more violent and more frequent lately, perhaps…  
"…What did he say?"  
"He hasn't said anything yet. I hope it's nothing serious."  
He suddenly got a strange look in his eyes.  
"If something happened to Souji, I don't know how I'd be able to face her…"  
"…Her?"  
"Yes…"  
Lines formed across his forehead, and his frown deepened.  
"When we left for Kyoto, Mitsu, his older sister, asked me to look out for him."  
He almost looked scared now.  
"If I made her mad, I...well, I shudder to think what might happen to me. The very thought is terrifying."  
"…What would she do to you?"  
It wasn't exactly the sort of thing I'd ever thought I'd hear from Kondou of all people. As his descriptions of her behavior became more and more exaggerated, I found myself laughing.  
"Hey, this isn't a laughing matter!"  
He shuddered.  
"I'd rather fight off ten ronin then try and argue with her. She's…quite something."  
"That makes two of us."  
"Hijikata?"  
Kondou seemed to relax at the sight of his friend.  
"I hope everything will turn out all right, but if something should happen to Souji, then I would like you to be the one to tell Mitsu, Toshi."  
Hijikata grimaced then narrowed his eyes, "Like hell I will. That kinda crap is what we have a chief for, Chief."  
Kondou frowned.  
"Easy for you to say…"  
Kondou's behavior had been strange enough, but Hijikata too? Just what sort of person was Okita's sister?  
"Oh, right…"  
Hijikata turned to Kondou.  
"Did you hear about the notice board over by Sanjo Ohashi Bridge?"  
The board he was talking about had been set up by the shogunate, to officially and publicly declare the Choshu enemies of the court.  
"Some assholes pulled it out and tossed it into the Kamo."  
Kondou nodded.  
"Yes, of course I heard about that. Haven't they already replaced it?"  
"They did. Same thing happened. I think they're gonna ask us to keep an eye on it pretty soon."  
"It got torn down at night, didn't it? What do you say to using Sanan's Fury Corps, then?"  
Hijikata frowned.  
"The Fury Corps…"  
"You think it's a bad idea?"  
Hijikata chose his words carefully, his face grim.  
"They work hard enough, but… They tend to get a little excited. Whatever we give them to do, they end up slaughtering the other side."  
He gave a heavy sigh.  
"That's not enough for 'em, though: They go in and hack the corpses to bits. Most of the time they're not even recognizable. Maybe they're doing it to try and hide the Shinsengumi's hand, but they're going too far."  
His eyes narrowed.  
"We're not just a pack of murderers. I told 'em to knock it off, but they won't listen. They just wanna play with their corpses. They keep this up, and we're no better than those night-cutters."  
"Hm…"

I felt a shiver snake down my spine as he spoke.  
Even more than a year later, I still remembered with terrifying clarity what I'd seen when I first arrived in Kyoto: the furies.  
They'd behaved as if possessed by evil spirits; their swords hacking away mercilessly at men already dead.  
It hadn't been hatred or fear that drove them, but some sort of twisted amusement. I didn't think I'd ever forget the half-mad smiles each had worn.  
"…I've got a few other ideas."  
"Good, good." said Kondou, "I'll leave the detailed to you then, Toshi. "Ah, yes… Have you heard about Lord Yoshinobu Hitotsubashi, the old Guardian of the Shogun?"  
Hijikata appeared angry again, "Yeah, what about him? I've heard a couple people say he's like Ieyasu reborn. I dunno about that, but I do hear he's pretty sharp…"  
Before long, they'd started to discuss politics I couldn't begin to understand and I politely excused myself.

…  
I thought back on what Hijikata had said. It was true that Sanan had been acting strange and the Fury Corps had been getting more and more violent.  
There was a lot on my mind, but what worried me the most was the Notice Board.

…  
Just as Hijikata had predicted, a few days later the order came down for the Shinsengumi to guard the notice board.  
All divisions not on regular patrol rounds were directed to take turns on guard duty.  
The first day was quiet, and the men on duty spent most of it simply standing around.  
"*Yawn* You know I was up all night guarding a damn board? Tiring work, that's for sure."  
He stretched his arms.  
"Now, fighting off scores of Choshu punks-that I can do! But guarding a piece of wood? It's just hard to get pumped about that, you know?"  
"Well, it's still an important job."  
He opened his eyes and glanced at me.  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Still… Maybe something will happen tonight."  
He folded his arms and turned to Harada.  
"Tonight is...you, right Sano?"  
Harada nodded.  
"Sure is. I will discharge my duty with honor and enthusiasm."  
Nagakura had just opened his mouth to respond when I heard footsteps approaching us.  
"The whole shogunate army could not defeat a single domain. Do they really believe killing a few nameless ronin for defacing a piece of wood will do them any good?"  
The footsteps belonged to Itou, the Shinsengumi's military advisor.  
His tight smile had a twist of irony to it.  
Harada glanced at him and narrowed his eyes.  
"You got a problem with the Shinsengumi's duties?"  
"Oh no, nothing of the sort. Even guarding a board is an important task."  
He then turned so he faced all of us.  
"Well, best of luck to you. If you'll excuse me…"  
He picked his way deliberately out of the hall, giggling to himself.  
As soon as his footsteps had faded out of hearing, Nagakura spat out a curse.  
"As much of a pain in the ass as usual, huh?"  
He scoffed.  
"We get hired by the shogunate, and he goes around talking about how much better the emperor is."  
Harada's eyes were still filled with anger even though the source of it had left the room.  
"I've caught him sneaking around a couple times, trying to recruit some of our guys into well, something. Who knows what he's up to?"  
He gave a heavy sigh.  
"I still don't get why Kondou brought him here."  
I wondered that too but said nothing.  
It wasn't just Nagakura and Harada who didn't seem to like Itou much. I'd heard plenty of the other captains, and even some of the soldiers, talking about him in less than glowing terms.  
There was no way Itou himself hadn't picked up on it, but he seemed to have larger concerns than his reputation, and had devoted his efforts to increasing his powerbase within the Shinsengumi.  
Whatever was going on with him, I hoped it would resolve itself quickly. The Shinsengumi couldn't afford infighting.

…  
Night came and it was time for Harada to go.  
"Well, guess it's time. I'm off."  
"Oh...um…"  
"What, you wanna tag along?"  
He paused.  
"Probably not a good idea, kid. Those demons are still after you, right? I can't take you out on the streets at night."  
"Ugh…"  
Sitting around all day doing nothing was beginning to chafe. I wanted to help somehow, but Harada was right. If I went with him, I'd just end up getting in the way.  
"Well, please be careful, okay Harada?"  
He gave me one of his kind smiles.  
"Sure thing. Thanks."

…  
That night they struck, or at least tried to: Eight men from the Tosa Domain challenged Harada and his division in an attempt to tear down the notice board.  
The fighting was furious but short. Harada managed to capture some of the perpetrators, although some of those he'd captured later managed to escape.  
Harada and his division were honored by the Aizu Domain for their service to the shogunate and given a reward.  
When he was asked how the captured men had managed to escape, he simply replied, "It was too dark to get a good look," and said no more.

…  
Several days after Harada's encounter at the notice board, I accompanied the captains to a meal at Sumi.  
"Well I'll be damned! You really did it, Sano!"  
Nagakura was brimming with excitement.  
"And to think you want to use that reward money to treat us all to some good food… Well!"  
Okita rolled his eyes and glanced at him.  
"If you're going to suck up, you might at least try to mention how he actually got that reward."  
Nagakura's excitement remained uphased.  
"I'll get to it! I'm just so touched that he's gonna pay the bill I think… I think I might cry!"  
He turned to face us all.  
"Tonight's on Sano, guys! Drink as much as you want! Forget your problems!"  
Harada turned on him with narrowed eyes.  
"Hey! Don't go nuts, all right?!"  
Heisuke, however, was thinking like Nagakura.  
"Thanks, Sano! I'm gonna drink myself stupid!"  
Okita glanced at Hijikata then faced forward again.  
"Not everyone here can drink, you know."  
Hijikata smiled.  
"There's more to do than drink, you know. Eat, for instance."  
"…Yeah, guess you're right. Hell, if Sano's paying, why not?"  
I wasn't entirely sure Sumi was the sort of place a girl should be, but… They were treating me like I was one of them; like I'd finally been accepted. It felt nice.  
The door at the other end of the room slid open.  
"Good evening, gentlemen. Thank you for coming."  
An oiran in a beautiful kimono stepped through to greet us with a smile that was somehow both dazzling and demure.  
Her skin was as white as porcelain, with soft red highlights. Her lips looked soft and full, and her hair shone in the light like yards of fine silk.  
For a moment I stared in awe of her beauty, my own sex forgotten.  
Something flickered in her eyes, but it was gone almost immediately. Then she smiled, and it was like watching a flower bloom.  
"I am Kimigiku, and I will be entertaining you tonight. Please, enjoy yourselves. Food will be arriving shortly."  
Indeed it had, and once the food had arrived the party truly began.

…  
Heisuke filled his glass yet again and took several sips.  
"Man, expensive sake is way different! It just goes down so smooth!"  
Nagakura glanced at Heisuke's plate.  
"You haven't even touched your food, Heisuke."  
He grinned.  
"If you drink on an empty stomach, you'll get drunk before you even have a chance to enjoy it!"  
Heisuke grinned back at him.  
"Whatever. You know how often I get booze this good? Never! Filling up on food'd just be a waste of stomach space!"  
Harada gave a bark of laughter.  
"You sound like a bum. Just drink up."  
Heisuke seemed unphased by his crude words.  
"Hey, just 'cause you drink like there's a hole in you stomach doesn't mean the rest of us can."  
Nagakura glanced at me.  
"You havin' fun, Chizuru? Doesn't look like you're drinking much."  
"Oh, I can't drink, so I'm just enjoying the food."  
He smiled.  
"Oh, right. Well, make sure you eat a lot of it, then! We're here to have a good time, so it'd be a damn shame if you didn't have fun."  
"Thanks…"  
Still, it was the first time I'd ever eaten anything so expensive. …Although to be honest, I couldn't' really taste much of a difference.  
"I've heard rumors that the men of the Shinsengumi were like demons or monsters, but from where I sit you look a good deal more handsome than that. Almost like an actor."  
"…Yeah, I get that a lot."  
Kimigiku and Hijikata catted easily while she poured him his sake, looking almost too beautiful to be real-like they'd stepped out of a painting.  
Next to someone like her, any woman would have felt rather plain. I was no exception, and dressing like a boy certainly wasn't helping.  
Nagakura put down his chopsticks having finished his second serving.  
"Still can't believe they gave all this cash just for protecting a board."  
He smiled.  
"I mean hell… Imagine how much you would've got if you'd caught all of 'em!"  
He glanced at Harada quizzically.  
"How did they get away, actually? you said there were only eight. That should've been pretty manageable."  
Heisuke looked up and glanced over at him as well.  
"Yeah! What's up with that?! I mean, you surrounded 'em, didn't you? How'd they get away? And how'd the guys you actually caught escape?"  
Harada sighed and fell silent, his face slipping into a frown.  
He stayed that way for a moment or two, then looked, inexplicably, at me.  
"Chizuru, did you go anywhere that night?"  
"What?"  
I hesitated, unsure of what he was getting at.  
"No, I didn't go anywhere… Why?"  
"You're sure. You didn't go anywhere that night?"  
"Yes, I'm sure. I've never left the compound alone, ever."  
Again he fell silent, the same frown crossing his face.  
Nagakura glanced at him curiously.  
"Hey, what's worng?"  
Harada didn't look up.  
When he spoke, his voice was quiet.  
"Maybe it was just a mistake. There wasn't a moon that night. It was dark."  
He paused.  
"No…no, I saw her up close. There's no way I made a mistake…"  
"Um… Harada? What are you talking about?"  
At last he looked up, straight into my eyes.  
"After we'd surrounded the Tosa men who'd tried to take down the notice board… This…girl showed up. She looked just like you. Got in our way. Because of her, our whole formation fell apart."  
"What?"  
The whole room had gone silent. Harada barely spoke above a whisper, but every one of us could hear him perfectly.  
A girl who looked just like me?  
What did he mean?  
"Well...like they say, shit happens! But tonight, Sano's payin', so let's drink till the sun comes up!"  
Heisuke nodded in gleeful agreement.  
"Seconded! Time to find out just how much of this stuff I can handle!"  
In just a few minutes, Heisuke and Nagakura had the party back in full swing, but I couldn't get my mind off what Harada had said.  
I'd never left the compound on my own since the time I'd first met the Shinsengumi.  
Then…what had he seen?  
I felt…complicated.  
To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what to feel.  
I hadn't gotten in Harada's way, of course-there was no way I could have…  
But I felt bad.  
Someone who looked just like me had made things more difficult for the Shinsengumi. I didn't know who she was, but our shared appearance made me feel…responsible, somehow.  
Who was this strange girl?  
Okita glanced at me.  
"You worried about what Sano said?"  
"Oh! Um…yes, I am. I was wondering how someone could look just like me."  
Maybe you got possessed."  
He smirked.  
"Whenever you're sleeping, a restless spirit takes over your body, and you wander the streets of Kyoto, totally oblivious."  
"…Do you really think that's what happened?"  
Maybe he was right; maybe I was the culprit. I was puzzling that over in my head, when he burst into peals of laughter.  
"Ha ha ha! Oh man… I'm just joking, kid. People don't really get possessed."  
"Wh-What? You were kidding…?"  
His laughter grew even louder, and I watched with flustered indignation as he wiped a tear from his eye.  
"Oh man… I'm sorry. Seriously, though. Just think about what Sano said for a minute. You remember that girl we met out on patrol with Heisuke? The one who looked just like you?"  
"Oh…"  
Of course! The girl who Okita had said I bore a striking resemblance to. I'd almost forgotten about her.  
Her name was Kaoru.  
"Do you think she was the one who kept Harada from capturing all the Tosa men?"  
"Well, I can't say for sure, but it seems a lot more likely than there being a third girl in Kyoto who looks just like you."  
"But…she was just a normal girl. She didn't look like the kind of person who would try to sabotage the Shinengumi…"  
"Haven't you ever heard you can't judge a book by it's cover? Maybe she just wanted you to think that. There's no way to know what she might be capable of. Besides, there isn't a person in Kyoto who doesn't know what the board represents."  
There was no doubt in his voice.  
"Wh-What would you do if the girl was the same one who Harada saw?"  
"Oh, you already know the answer to that, don't you?"  
He smirked again.  
"I'd kill her, of course. She might be a girl, but an enemy is an enemy."

He was right, I had known that he would choose to kill her, but to actually hear the cold finality of his words…  
"Um… I-I need to go use the, um, facilities…"  
I just couldn't bear to stay in that room any longer.

…  
Were the girl we'd seen and the one who'd interrupted Harada one and the same?  
If she was interfering with the Shinsengumi on purpose, did that mean that she was an imperialist? Or was she simply doing it for her own enjoyment?  
After all, there wasn't a person in Kyoto who didn't know the name of the Shinsengumi. She had to know what would happen to her if she challenged them.  
"There you are. I'd wondered where you'd gone off to."  
I turned to find Hijikata standing behind me. I said nothing and looked back out at the stars. "Something wrong? The food not your thing?"  
"No, no, it's wonderful! The food, I mean! It's…it's something else."  
"You're worried about the girl Harada saw."  
"Er…"  
There was no hiding my thoughts from him, it seemed.  
"Don't worry about it, all right?"  
He gave me one of his rare kind smiles.  
"Anybody messes with us, and I'll make sure they pay for it, one way or another."  
His words were as curt as always, of course, but I felt like I could sense a certain…kindness beneath them.  
In his own way, he seemed to care about my feelings.  
"…Of course. Thanks."  
I could feel my tension begin to dissipate.  
Without a word, he moved over next to me and sat down.  
I could feel a warm breeze drifting in through the open window...as well as Nagakura's voice.  
"All right, now it's time for the real party to start! You ready, Sano? We wanna see it!"  
"Now you're talkin'!" came Heisuke's loud voice. "Can't have a party without Sano's unique performance!"  
"Well, I guess I don't have a choice then, do I?" came Harada's reply. "How could I say no to you guts anyway."  
"What A guy!" said Nagakura excitedly. "Can you get us a brush and some ink, ma'am?"  
Their voices echoed out from the other room, drifting through the warm air.  
The look on Hijikata's face was one I'd never seen before.  
"…Man. Takes me back…"  
"Um…I'm sorry?"  
"We used to run this poor sword school back in Tama. We'd drink like this every night. This just reminds me of that."  
He glanced at me a moment before turning back to the stars.  
"There were a lot of men then who wanted to know how to swing a sword, in case we went to war or something, but not too many of 'em wanted to learn from a bunch of country hicks. We didn't have much in the way of money or students, but… It was still fun."

Hijikata's face as he spoke was warm and kind, not the sort of thing I would have expected from a commander whose men called him The Demon.  
"Hm? Something up?"  
"Oh, um… I was just surprised you used to, um, do that…"  
"What do you mean?"  
He smirked.  
"You think I've spent my whole life being a cold-hearted bastard, knocking around idiot kids in an attempt to get them into some sort of order?"  
"Uh, um, I…um…"  
I could hardly tell him that was exactly what I'd thought, so I sputtered and mumbled desperately.  
Instead of the irritated frown I'd expected, his tranquil, warm expression, remained, and he went on almost as if I'd said nothing.  
"I still think about it, every so often. Wasn't so long ago I was just a street merchant selling my family's medicine. Now I wear swords and work for the shogun. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a long dream, and eventually I'm going to have to wake up."  
By the time he finished, he seemed to be speaking more to himself than to me.  
The moon had risen outside our window and as he looked up, its light washed over his face, the cool glow playing across his handsome features.  
Just like kimigiku had said, he was as good-looking as an actor.  
After her, though, a girl like myself had to seem awfully plain.  
…Especially next to a man as beautiful as he.  
"Gah! Oh, I can't take it! Stop it, Sano! I'm laughing so hard I can't breath!" came Nagakura's voice.  
"C'mon, you're the idiot who got me up here in the first place! Now you want me to stop right in the middle of it?" Harada sounded more amused than annoyed.  
"You're the greatest, Sano! One more time!" Heisuke's voice sounded hysterical.

…  
The party lasted until morning.  
There was the Fury Corps to worry about, and now a girl who looked just like me…  
It was a lot to think about, but it was hard to feel down when everyone around me was having such a great time.

It was near years end, and I was outside in the cold weather, sweeping the compound.  
"Phew… Well, that should do it."  
I wanted to help out as much as I could, but since they still refused to let me out without an escort, there wasn't a great deal I could do.  
Still, I had helped make our home clean, and that felt good. Hopefully they'd like it too.  
"Cleaning, I see. You're certainly hard at work."  
"Oh, hello Kondou. It's really gotten cold lately, hasn't it?"  
"Yes, it has indeed. I've been in Kyoto a while now, but I still can't get used to the weather."  
He rubbed his hands together and blew on them, in a mostly vain attempt to warm them up.  
"I've picked up a bunch of dead leaves, so I was thinking about roasting potatoes later."  
I glanced at him.  
"Would you like some? They'll warm you up."  
Kondou gave me a little, wry smile.  
"Roasted potatoes, huh? I used to enjoy that. A long time ago…"  
"Oh…"  
I flushed with embarrassment.  
Kondou was a busy man-management of the Shinsengumi was not easy. A man like that didn't have time for roasting potatoes.  
"…You've been really busy lately. I hope you're taking care of yourself."  
"Hmm? Oh, right… Well, if I'm busy, then that means that the Shinsengumi is needed. it's an honor."  
"True…"  
In the last several weeks, Kondou and Hijikata had left the temple often to go meet with important shogunate officials.  
They probably scarcely had time to breathe, let alone relax.  
At that moment, almost as if my thoughts had summoned him, Hijikata appeared.  
"There you are, Kondou."  
"Oh, Toshi. Where were you? I was looking for you. They've chosen the next shogun. It's going to be Lord Yoshinobu Hitotsubashi."  
Hijikata's brow furrowed to what I wouldn't have hesitated to describe as a glower.  
"Him, huh? Well, let's hope he lives up to the rumors."  
Kondou frowned.  
"Must you find a dark side to everything?"  
"Who's Lord Hitotsubashi."  
I had a vague memory that he was the commander of the shogunate forces during the Battle of Hamaguri Gate, but Kondou gave me a quick explanation of the rest.  
"They say he is very intelligent; some every going as far as to call him the second coming of Lord Ieyasu."  
He glanced over at Hijikata, perhaps looking for corroboration.  
He found none.  
"At any rate, he has a quick mind, and the emperor trusts him. How could he be a poor choice?"  
There was a certain pride in Kondou's voice, almost as if he were talking about a friend or brother.  
If what he said was true, though, then perhaps the shogun would be able to unite the shogunate and the imperial court, and overcome the crisis that was destroying our nation.  
"…All right, he's smart, I'll give him that." said Hijikata.  
"Then what's the problem."  
"Forget it. Doesn't really matter who the shogun is to us anyway. We're just here to fight for him."  
Kondou nodded and smiled.  
"That's right. If we do our best, that means the shogun and the shogunate are safe and secure."  
He kept his tone carefully light, perhaps in an attempt to sway Hijikata, but to no avail.  
Only twenty days after Lord Yoshinobu had been officially inaugurated as the new shogun, the emperor passed away.  
It was especially hard on the emperor's younger sister, Kazunomiya, who had been married to Lord Iemochi and was intended to be a symbol of Imperial Unification, but everyone on both sides was shocked by his death.  
He was succeeded by the Imperial Prince; a young boy of only 15 years.  
In the turmoil, the activities of the Choshu Domain went uninvestigated…  
The entire country of Japan found itself thrust into rapid motion.


	10. Chapter 3-1

YES! Finished two full chapters! WOOHOO! *ahem* ... ... *sweatdrop*

* * *

CHAPTER 3-1

April 1867

The seasons changed, and spring came.  
Kyoto was filled with the cherry blossoms, and the whole city took on a festive atmosphere.  
Surrounded by the gentle cheer of spring, my footsteps felt somehow lighter.  
Okita watched me prance about with a crooked smile.  
"You don't need to hurry. We aren't going anywhere in particular. Just think of it as a nice relaxing walk."  
"…Okay. I'll be careful."  
It seemed to me that it was dangerous for a captain of the Shinsengumi to think that when he was out on patrol, but I didn't dare say anything to Okita.  
Then again, things had been pretty quiet lately. Perhaps he was right.  
No, I told myself, I had to focus. Now was not the time or the place for high spirits.  
Nearby I noticed a few ronin who slunk off into the side streets at the first glimpse of the Shinsengumi.  
"How suspicious…"  
Why run away unless they knew they were guilty of something?  
I stared after them intently and must have looked as if I was about to give chase because Okita gave a bark of laughter.  
"Don't waste your energy on them. They're small potatoes."  
"Really?"  
"If they were Choshu guys, then they wouldn't just run off like that. They'd be more confident."  
He glanced back in the direction of the cowardly ronin.  
"They guys who take off like that when we show up are almost always just small-time punks."  
"I see…"  
I didn't.  
"They're probably guilty of something; maybe some minor crime. But the blues scare off a lot of people these days."  
"The uniform's gotten pretty famous around Kyoto, hasn't it?"  
He frowned.  
"Well, could be infamous, depending on who you ask."  
It was true: The Shinsengumi blues brought recognition, but that was a double-edged sword. Sometimes they commanded obedience or respect, but sometimes the response was…less pleasant.  
Their uniform had become a symbol, but there was some argument among the Shinsengumi as to whether or not they should adopt a new uniform.  
Some people, such as Itou, just felt that the uniform should be changed because it wasn't fashionable…  
"Is Itou back from the imperial territories yet?"  
Okita's eyes narrowed slightly.  
"Yeah, I think so. Can't say I'd have minded if he'd just stayed out there, though."  
"He went to go recruit some of his friends and acquaintances, right?"  
He closed his eyes, seeming annoyed.  
"That's what he says, but I gotta wonder how far he really went, you know?"  
"How far? What do you mean? If he went out past the imperial territories, then he must really care about the Shinsengumi, right?"  
After all, to go that far would be quite a trip to make just to get more recruits.  
Okita, however, didn't seem to think so.  
"That's what you think?"  
"…Am I wrong?"  
"No, not really."  
Okita stopped and gazed off into space for a moment.  
When he spoke, it was to himself.  
"Kondou's too nice. He should just kill Itou."  
"Okita!"  
He had a tendency to talk of killing too easily, and too lightly, but…  
"How could you joke about killing one of your companions?"  
He let his eyes slide to mine, and gave me a small sigh.  
"A companion, huh?"  
The scorn in his voice wasn't for me; it was for Itou.  
Ever since he had forst arrived, Okita and the rest of the captains had never seemed to like Itou much, but I was surprised that he would say something like that where anyone could have heard.  
I glanced around, to make sure no one had been paying attention-  
"What?"  
There, in the crowd… A face I'd seen before.  
Kaoru?!  
The face that looked back could easily have been mine. There was no way I could have ever mistaken that face.  
But no sooner had I spotted her than she disappeared, melting into the crowd.  
"Kaoru!"  
"Hey!"  
Okita made a grabbed from my arm, but I'd already moved out of his reach.  
I might get in trouble for it, but if I didn't go quickly, I'd lose her.  
"Sorry Okita! There's something I have to do!"  
I caught a glimpse of his confused face as I ducked into the crowd.

…  
"How many time do I have to tell her not to run off without permission… Why can't she look at this from my point of view?"

...  
*Pant* *Pant* *Pant*  
I ran through the crowd as fast as I could, bobbing and weaving around citizens going about their business, until at last I caught up to her.  
She was Kaoru, no mistake.  
"Um, Kaoru? Do you remember me…?"  
"Yes, you were with the Shinsengumi. I remember you."  
She looked…surprised.  
"You ran after me so suddenly… It scared me."  
"I'm sorry about that, but there's something I wanted to ask you."  
I realized belatedly that I didn't know what I planned to do with her answer once I had it, but I knew I had to ask.  
"One of the Shinsengumi saw a girl who looked like me at the Sanjo Ohashi Bridge a while ago. Could that have been…you?"  
"I don't know. I do go by Sanjo Ohashi fairly often. Is that a problem?"  
She laughed politely.  
"Oh…"  
"Did you want to ask if I'd even been there at night?"  
Could it be?  
Could Kaoru really have been the girl who interrupted the Shinsengumi that night?  
"If it was an autumn night, and you got in the Shinsengumi's way…"  
"Then you and I are gonna need to have a little talk. I don't want to give away all the details, but it ends with your death."  
"Oh! Okita…"  
I hadn't realized he caught up with me so quickly.  
Kaoru glanced at him and smiled.  
"Oh, you're Okita, from the Shinsengumi. Thank you for helping me the other day."  
She bowed, but Okita didn't even seem to notice.  
"So, you gonna answer the question? Were you there that night?"  
Okita wore the save half-smile he always did, but his body was as tight as a bowstring, ready to have his blade in hand at a moment's notice.  
"My death…? Please, don't say scary things like that."  
She paused, her expression blank.  
"Lots of people pass by Sanjo Ohashi during the day."  
"At night, though… I don't go near it, because of the notice board stuff."  
It was almost as if she'd read my mind.  
"I can't believe you suspect me just because my face happens to look like someone else's. I don't know anything…"  
I sighed and smiled.  
"Oh, of course! I understand!"  
She looked so sad, I felt I had to say something.  
"I knew it wasn't you."  
After all, how could a normal girl do anything to the men of the Shinsengumi?  
Okita seemed less convinced. His eyes shifted to me.  
"And why do you say that? Because she's a girl? Or because she looks like you?"  
"No, that's…that's not it…"  
I couldn't bring myself to admit that he was exactly right.  
I'd assumed Kaoru couldn't possibly have done it, simply because she was girl.  
"Can I go now? …Excuse me."  
"Kaoru…"  
She turned and ducked away, disappearing back into the crowd.  
Had I done the right thing, I wondered, in covering for her? I was pondering whether or not I should give chase again when I heard okita begin to cough.  
"*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*"  
"Okita?! A-Are you okay?!"  
He was bent nearly double, and coughing uncontrollably, his entire body shaking with each cough.  
"Okita?!"  
"Stay back!"  
As I stepped toward him, he threw out a hand and twisted his face upward to glare at me.  
"What?!"  
"*Cough* *Cough* I'm...I'm fine. So just...stay there, okay? *Cough* *Cough* *Cough*"

It was the sheer force of his personality that stopped me, not just his words.  
"*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*"  
After a while, his coughing slowed, then subsided entirely.  
"Okita… Is something wrong?"  
"Like what?"  
When he turned to look at me this time, his sardonic half-smile was back. He looked every part the usual Okita, except that he had grown frighteningly pale.  
"I mean… Why don't we find somewhere to rest? You looked like you were in a lot of pain…"  
He grinned.  
"Oh, I was just tired. I mean, you did make me run all the way here."  
"But…"  
"No buts, I'm fine. Now…"  
His expression was suddenly hard.  
"About the girl. Asking her about the thing with the notice board was important. I agree with you."  
Good, then. We needed to know if she was an enemy of the Shinsengumi or not. I needed to know.  
"But even-no, because of how important that is, you shouldn't have run off on your own like that. What if she had been an enemy of ours. Could you have handled her?"  
"Well…"  
"Did you even consider that possibility? That she'd planned to lure you here? It's a great spot for an ambush, you know."  
"…You're right."  
She hadn't tried to attack me, but Okita was right. Next time I might not be so lucky: I could have easily run right into a trap.  
"You need to be more careful, all right? I can take care of you, but without me around you're just a useless kid."  
"…Sorry."  
The Shinsengumi had done so much for me, I'd just wanted to give something back…  
Instead, I'd only caused more trouble for them.  
"…All right, lecture's over."  
Okita looked tired, and more than a little frustrated. I tried to apologized again, but he cut me off.  
"Stop being so timid. You can rely on us when you need to."  
He smiled then.  
"I've gotten pretty used to saving your ass at this point. A couple more times isn't going to mean much."  
He let out a snort of laughter.

…  
That night, after everyone else had gone to bed, I lay awake thinking about what had happened.  
I couldn't forget what Okita had said…  
"A useless kid…"  
He was right.  
Compared to the captains-no, even compared to the weakest Shinsengumi footsoldier, I was pathetic.  
There was nothing I could do for them. It wasn't as if I'd tried to imagine myself as some sort of warrior, but to have my lack of worth so bluntly stated was something of a blow.  
"*Sigh*"  
I lay there, staring at the ceiling.  
I couldn't go on like this.  
"Tomorrow I start working harder.  
I didn't want to run off on more pointless adventures that did nothing more than cause trouble.  
That meant I needed to develop better judgement.  
"And if I'm going to do that, I need my sleep."  
But no sooner had I closed my eyes-  
"What?!"  
There was a crash from the hallway outside of my room. I rolled up and out of my bed just as the door exploded into my room.  
Standing in the hole was one of the Shinsengumi's soldiers.  
"Um… Is something wrong?"

It was dark, inside and out, and I couldn't see his face. He just…stood there. I felt a chill run up my spine.  
"Did you need something?"  
"Blood… I need blood…"  
"*Gasp*"  
He was one of the furies!  
"Eh hehehehe! Give me blood!"  
I could see now that his face was twisted in madness, and his eyes shone like twin fires in the night. His hair glistened white in the moonlight.  
He was a member of the Fury Corps, and he was utterly and completely mad.  
"Uh… Aaah…"  
I had to call for help!  
I couldn't possibly face a deranged superhuman monster on my own.  
…No, I couldn't call for help. if I did, then the secret of the furies would get out.  
That would be bad for the Shinsengumi. I had to find another way.  
The fury, unfortunately, was not similarly encumbered by doubts.  
"Aaah!"  
"Graaah!"  
His sword hissed through the air, and I felt the metal of its blade burn into the flesh of my arm.  
"Gaaah!"  
Blood sprang from the cut.  
I pressed down on it desperately with my free hand, but to no avail. Thick, red liquid spilled between my fingers, fled down my arm, and onto the floor.  
"Yesss…blood… Give me blood…"  
He began to creep toward me, his movements odd and jerky, like a massive spider.  
I backed away from him until I felt my back hit the wall.  
I was going to die!  
Suddenly, I remembered Okita's words from earlier that day…  
"Stop being so timid. You can rely on us when you need to."  
That was it, then. My death wasn't worth their secret.  
"Someone! Help!"  
"Eh hehehehe! Blood! Bloooooood!"  
He was down on his hands and knees, licking my spilt blood off the floor.  
There was no samurai there. There wasn't even a person in him anymore.

The blood on the floor had distracted him, but I knew that would only last precious seconds. I help didn't arrive soon..  
The seconds went by like hours.  
Please, I begged to any god who might be listening, let someone come!  
"Not enough…not enough!"  
He looked up from the floor.  
My sleeve was soaked in blood from the cut on my arm. His eyes locked onto it, and I saw them light up with animal hunger.  
His grin was a nightmarish thing.  
"Eh hehehehe! Yes! That! Give me more of your blood!"  
"Nooo!"  
There was no doubt: He was going to kill me! I froze-  
"Hey! You alive?!"  
"Yes!"  
Hijikata had appeared in the doorway, his sword already drawn and shining in the moonlight.  
"Graah!"  
The fury spun to attack Hijikata, but the commander's sword was faster.  
"Aaaarghh!"  
His twisted cry reverberated from the walls of the room, but he still stood, despite the wound Hijikata had given him, sword in hand.  
"Get over here! Now!"  
"Y-Yes!"  
As I ran to his side, I heard other footsteps, pounding down the hallway, and in mere moments they resolved into the figures of the other captains.  
"Shit, this is bad," said Nagakura, his eyes wide. "I don't think he can even understand us."  
Harada nodded grimly.  
"Yeah. He's too far gone. We can't let him live."  
At some unspoken signal, a chorus of blades slid from their scabbards.  
"Shin! Sano! Don't screw this up!" joked Heisuke.  
Harada smirked and narrowed his eyes.  
"Who the hell do you think we are, Heisuke?!"  
Nagakura scoffed.  
"If the captains can't take out a simple soldier, even if he is a fury, he'd have to resign. Assuming he wasn't dead."  
They fanned out quickly, surrounding the wounded soldier.  
There was no escape.  
The captains all attacked at once, and the fury died almost instantly.  
The excitement was over.  
…Or so I'd thought.  
But it hadn't been only the captains who'd heard my cry for help.  
"What's going on here?!"  
Hijikata scowled.  
"Dammit!"  
"What on Earth happened to that man?! Oh, this room has been stained with blood! How savage!"  
Itou's voice and his face where filled with shock and horror.  
"Why have our captains cut down on of their own men? Explain this at once! What happened here?!"  
The captains fell silent.  
"My apologies. My lack of discipline is at fault here."  
"Sanan?!"  
His appearance surprised me, and likely everyone else.  
It seemed like it would have been more prudent for him to remain hidden…  
Needless to say, the appearance of a man he'd thought dead did little to improve Itou's disposition.  
"S-S-S-Sanan?! What are you doing here?!"  
Itou's usual composure was almost entirely gone, and he gaped openly at Sanan.  
I couldn't really blame him. I probably would have done much the same thing if I saw a dead man walking and talking.  
"I will explain later, but first we must clean up this mess."  
Sanan's face looked tight and drained. As the commander of the Fury Corps, he likely felt responsible for what had happened, as the man who had gone mad was supposed to have been under his control.  
"It's not your fault, Sanan." said Nagakura.  
Heisuke nodded.  
"It's just a side effect of the treatment, right? Nothing you could do."  
"Wh-What?! What are you saying?! 'Treatment'? What are they talking about, Sanan?"  
"…I'm afraid I cannot divulge that information."  
Sanan's gaze slid to Itou for a moment, but he said nothing further.  
After all, what could he possibly say? How could one admit that they had been creating inhuman monsters in secret, out of one's own soldiers?  
Itou's composure regained at last, he leveled a glare at Sanan.  
"I was told that Sanan had passed away, and with no reason to doubt that information I believed that was true. i see now that you have all conspired against me."  
He sighed and then narrowed his eyes.  
"I am the Deputy Commander of the Shinsengumi! To do all of…this without informing me… I dearly hope you have a satisfactory explanation!"  
"If all you're gonna do is bitch, why don't you do us all a favor and shut up?" snapped Hijikata.  
"What?! How dare you speak to me in such a manner! Hijikata, you-!"  
"Calm down now, Itou…"  
Kondou glanced at Hijikata then back to Itou.  
"I'm sure Toshi didn't mean to snap. We're just all a little on edge right now. You have to understand…"  
"Oh, I understand all right! I understand that you are savages, each and every one of you! I cannot abide the company of such uncivilized cretins any longer!"  
He glanced at Sanan and narrowed his eyes in anger.  
"And as for you, Sanan, when you are finished here I expect to hear why you are not, in fact, deceased, and why this was hidden from me!"  
"Ugh…"  
"Are you listening to me, Sanan?!"  
"Unnnnngghh…gaaaaagh!"  
"Sanan?"  
Suddenly I realized he wasn't just being dismissive of Itou; there was something very wrong with him. his face was twisted in pain, and he didn't seem to respond at all, no matter how much I shouted his name.  
Nagakura stared at him with wide eyes.  
"What's wrong, Sanan?"  
"Sanan, uh…"  
"Chizuru, get back!" shouted Hijikata.  
"Wha-?!"  
His hair had begun to turn white.  
"Aaah!"  
By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. Sanan's hand shot out like an angry snake, and closed around my wrist.  
"O-Oww…"  
The strength of his grip was unbelievable. His fingers might have been made of stone for all I could move them. I could almost feel the bones of my arm begin to bend under the strain.  
"Ow…ugh… Sanan?!"  
"Blood…this blood…"  
His finger pressed against my arm, too hard, wiping off some of the blood from the cut the soldier had given me.  
"Please, give me blood. Your blood…"  
"Noooo! Let me go!"  
"Stop it, Sanan," snapped Harada.  
Nagakura glanced around the room and then at my arm.  
"Dammit! The smell of blood's driving him crazy!"  
"Let her go, Sanan," barked Heisuke.  
Each man still had his hand on his sword, but I could see the hesitation in their eyes. It was Hijikata who finally spoke.  
"Hold him down! We're gonna have to get a little rough."  
Nagakura unsheathed his sword.  
"Dammit! Guess we don't have a choice."  
"Sorry about this, Sanan," said Harada with a frown.  
"I can't let you hurt Chizuru."  
They moved into a circle around Sanan, their blades glinting.  
"Are you going to kill Sanan?! I can't allow you to do that!"  
"Itou, it's dangerous here. We should just leave this to Toshi and the guys. Come on."  
"Kondou? What are you-?! Unhand me!"  
Kondou pulled a struggling Itou from the room and off down the hall.  
"Good," said Harada, "Now we've just gotta take care of him."  
"It's not gonna be easy." said Nagakura.  
"Sanan's always been pretty strong," said Heisuke, "And now he's…well, you know."  
"Eh heheheh… Blood, yes… My body, it needs the blood…"  
His tongue flickered out to lick my blood from his fingers.  
This seemed to tip Heisuke's concern into full on rage.  
"All right, that's enough! C'mon Shin! Sano! Let's go!"  
Harada nodded.  
"We all attack together-!"  
"Wait!"  
Nagakura stared at Hijikata like he was crazy.  
"What? We don't have all night, Hijikata."  
"He's…he's doing something…"  
"…Graaaagh…nnnggaaaah!"  
"Sanan…? What's going on?"  
"Unn…guh… What…what happened?"  
The madness was gone from Sanan's eyes, and his hair was quickly fading back to its normal color.  
"…Sanan?"  
"Yukimura? What am I doing here…?"  
"Oh, thank goodness! You're yourself again!"  
I was relieved to see they hadn't been forced to cut Sanan down, but… Why had he returned to normal?  
Harada clearly was wondering the same thing.  
"What the hell just happened?"  
He glanced at Nagakura who just shrugged.  
"Your guess is as good as mine."  
They both glanced at Hijikata.  
"Hell if I know."  
The captains weren't the only ones confused: Sanan himself seemed to be just as surprised at his sudden transformation.  
"I see. So I went mad, just like the others…"  
"…And then all of a sudden you were normal again. I just can't understand how…"  
"How…? I…I don't know."  
Hijikata placed a hand on Sanan's shoulder.  
"We can figure that out later. First we need to clean up this room. Someone get rid of that body."  
Harada glanced down.  
"That floor mat's gonna have to go."  
"And we're gonna have to replace this door…" said Nagakura.  
Each of them moved to begin some task that needed doing and Hijikata turned toward me.  
"You…"  
"Yes, of course. I'll help too-"  
He narrowed his eyes and frowned.  
"You're hurt. What you need to do is rest."  
He closed his eyes.  
"Since you obviously can't use your room, you can stay in mine for tonight."  
"Your room? Are you sure?"  
He glanced at me and narrowed his eyes again.  
"Do I have a choice? Go!"  
"Y-Yes!"  
I had no desire to remain in the blood-soaked room any longer than I had to. It took me only minutes to reach Hijikata's room.

…  
"…Huh? Is it morning already…?"  
The sun was peeking through the window, and outside I could hear twitters and chirps of birdsong.  
"Oh, right…"  
The room I was in wasn't mine.  
It took me a moment to remember whose room it was, and then all the events of the previous night crowded back into my memory.  
I saw, vividly, the man who'd gone mad with bloodlust; felt the sting as his sword bit into my arm-  
"I got cut…"  
I looked down at my arm.  
I'd wrapped it in bandages the night before, after insisting that I could handle it myself, being the daughter of a doctor.  
Slowly, I lifted it, then moved it in a circle.  
The cut had bled a lot, but fortunately it hadn't been particularly deep.  
"*Sigh*"  
I moved my arm some more.  
It didn't hurt.  
"It bled so much, though…"  
With deliberate care, I unwrapped the bandages.  
"…Of course."  
What had been an ugly, open wound the night before was now little more than a faint white line.  
In a few days, even that would be gone.  
"Well, I guess it's good that the wound is gone, but if anyone sees this…"  
After some thought, I re-wrapped the bandages. Unless they took them off, no one would know that my arm was completely healed underneath.  
That reminded me, however… How were they doing?  
I was awake, so I figured I might as well go out to the common room and see if anyone was there.

…  
As I neared the entrance, Itou appeared, on his way out. Heisuke and Saito followed in his wake, much to my confusion.  
"Good morning."  
"Oh, it's you. Good morning. I'm glad to see you safe and sound."  
"Um, thank you."  
His mood was almost the polar opposite of the previous night; he seemed now to be in rather high spirits.  
"Has something happened?"  
"Oh ho ho ho! Would you like to know?"  
"…Yes."  
"I won't tell you."

"Ha hahaha! Well, you'll learn soon enough."  
he turned to the two captains with him.  
"Isn't that right, Toudou? Saito?"  
"What…?"  
I cocked an eyebrow at Heisuke and Saito.  
The moment our eyes met, Heisuke looked away.  
"…Yeah, I guess."  
That seemed odd.  
"Um…Saito?"  
"You have no need for this information just now."  
Unlike his companion, Saito met my gaze straight-on, but his eyes were flat and utterly devoid of any emotion.  
Finally he looked away.  
"We should go, Itou."  
Heisuke finally looked at me.  
"Uh, yeah… See ya, Chizuru."  
And then they were gone, leaving me wondering just what had happened.  
"Are you sure it's all right for you to be up and about already?"  
Inoue and Shimada looked up as soon as I stepped into the common room.  
"I'm fine. I slept really well, and I feel a lot better."  
"That's great. I'm sorry about what happened to you, though. Does your cut hurt?"  
"Oh, uh, well… Actually, it wasn't very deep. It barely hurts at all."  
I couldn't tell him the truth, of course: that it was already almost completely healed.  
"Oh, I ran into Itou on my way in. Did something happen?"  
"Ah… So you saw them, eh?"  
He frowned.  
"He said something…weird. And Heisuke and Saito were acting kind of strange, too."  
"Yeah… Well, Itou and some others are leaving."  
"They're going to form a new group, different from the Shinsengumi."  
"What?! Is…is that okay?"  
"He had a meeting this morning with the chief and Commander Hijikata."

…  
"…Guardians of the Imperial Tomb?"  
"Yes. I intend to take some of my comrades and leave. We will be appointed official guardians of the Imperial Mausoleum. I have been considering such a move for some time now, but after last night's…excitement… …I felt this was the right time. I knew when I joined the Shinsengumi that my imperialism might not be welcome, but I thought we could work past that. I see now that I was mistaken."  
Hijikata had glared at him.  
"Just spit it out, Itou. You want to split up the Shinsengumi."  
"Call it what you like, but I can no longer remain in the company of such savages as yourself."  
Kondou had frowned then, looking quite hurt.  
"If you insist, then I will do as you ask. you must remember, however that last night's incident is a result of orders from the shogunate. We cannot allow you to reveal this secret."  
"Then I propose a deal: Allow me to depart peacefully, and in turn I will remain silent. I also wish to bring several of your men with me."  
Kondou had then looked away his frown deepening.  
"…Very well, but anyone you wish to take must agree to leave."  
"Of course. I will, naturally, maintain the fiction that we intend to continue to cooperate with one another. A stance that will no doubt benefit both of us."  
Itou then laughed.  
Kondou glanced at him, "…Cooperation. Fine." then at Hijikata, "Toshi? What do you think?"  
Hijikata scoffed.  
"It's your decision, not mine."

…  
"Then…Heisuke and Saito…"  
"Yes. They are leaving with Itou. I confess, I'm rather surprised."  
"No…"  
Then…would that mean I could never see them again?  
"Don't worry," said Kondou. "Remember what I said? We're going to keep relations amicable between our two organizations."  
"Kondou…"  
It was kind of him to try to comfort me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to befall the Shinsengumi and its members.  
Inoue turned to Kondou.  
"You aren't going to let the men interact with the Guard though, right?"  
The expression on his face was likely a mirror of my own.  
He looked to Kondou but it was Hijikata who answered.  
"Of course not. He gets to leave, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let him get away with whatever he wants."  
"But…is this really okay? Itou and the others leaving, I mean."  
Hijikata's expression softened for a moment.  
"Itou and his men leaving isn't a problem."  
His voice was flat, but unconcerned.  
"Although, I was a little surprised that Heisuke and Saito decided to go with that snake."  
He frowned.  
"Ah…I would say it was more than a 'little.'"  
From there, the conversation moved onto a discussion of politics and the like that was beyond my ability to follow.  
And what could I have said anyway? The decision had already been made, and there was nothing I could have said to change it.  
I got up quietly, and left the common room.  
"*Sigh* …I never thought something like this could happen…"  
I was especially worried about the soldiers.  
What about the feelings of those who were being left behind? I wanted to know how the people in the Shinsengumi felt about Itou and his followers leaving.  
The heads of the Shinsengumi seemed like the best people to ask, but they were all still talking in the common room.  
Perhaps I should wait a bit, until they were done-  
Almost as if on cue, Hijikata appeared in the hallway.  
"Oh, hello Hijikata."  
He glanced at me and stopped.  
"Shouldn't you be resting?"  
"Oh, I...feel a lot better now."  
He frowned seeming unconvinced.  
"Your dad's a doctor, and you know a little about medicine, but that doesn't mean you're invulnerable. Go back to your room and try not to run around too much."  
"Okay. I'll be careful."  
It was easy to forget one had suffered a significant injury when it healed almost completely by morning.  
"I'll go right back to my room, but… Can I ask you something first?"  
"What?"  
"It's about Itou, and the people who are leaving with him… How do you…feel about all of that?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, people who were members of the Shinsengumi…won't be."  
"We were allies yesterday, but if our positions change we could be enemies tomorrow. That's life."  
No wonder thay called him the Demon. His voice was cold, calculating, and utterly flat.  
"But what about Saito? And Heisuke?"  
They had all been captains together. Surely, Hijikata saw them as friends, at least.  
"Saito and Toudou… It's going to be rough to lose a pair of skilled swordsmen, yes. …But think about the future. If they're leaving, they had some problem with the Shinsengumi. Better they leave now, than before that problem gets worse."

How could he be so cold and analytical about his friends?  
On the other hand, his logic made sense. If Itou and company were leaving because they were incompatible with the Shinsengumi, then perhaps it was for the best.  
But was the best thing for the future of the Shinsengumi also the best thing for Hijikata?  
I couldn't understand…

…  
My wound healed completely soon afterward, but I kept the bandages on. I got plenty of questions about how I was recovering, but the best I could do was not, smile, and assure them that I was fine.  
The truth was, I didn't even have a scar. I couldn't have pointed out where on my arm I'd been cut if someone had asked me.  
When Itou and his followers-now the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb==left, the compound seemed suddenly very empty.  
I felt like the Shinsengumi was falling apart around me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.  
Was this nothing more than a natural result of the Shinsengumi's growth, or the harbinger of something far greater and more terrible?


	11. Chapter 3-2

It's been a while so

Disclaimer: I own almost nothing and are therefore not claiming any of it as mine this is purely for entertaining the fans!

* * *

CHAPTER 3-2

July 1867

"I should go to sleep."  
…As if chiding myself would help.  
My mind was wide awake. I wasn't falling asleep any time soon.  
But why? I was nervous, certainly, and I'd trained earlier that day, but neither of those was anything new.  
I needed to get to sleep soon, or I'd oversleep in the morning, and that would be embarrassing.  
As I forced my eyes shut for the thousandth time, I heard the door to my room slide open.  
"Are you awake?"  
"Y-Yes!"  
The voice outside belonged to Hijikata. I scrambled to my feet.  
"What is it?"  
"You have a visitor."  
A visitor…? Who would come to visit me?  
"You'll see. Hurry up."  
"R-Right!"

…  
I shuffled down the hallway after him, and burst into the common room.  
Kondou, Okita, Harada, Nagakura… All of the top men in the Shinsengumi were there, and so was someone else…  
"Hello, Chizuru! How are you doing?"  
"Sen?!"  
My visitor was Sen?!  
We'd met in Kyoto proper some time ago. She was near my age, but had a unique and overwhelming personality, which had allowed her to see right through my disguise.  
But…why had she come to the Shinsengumi?  
Only then did I notice a beautiful woman dressed as a ninja seated next to Sen.  
Sen noticed me look at her.  
"Oh, yes. She is with me. My bodyguard, one might say."  
Bodyguard? That answered nothing, and only prompted more questions.  
The captains kept silent, content to simply observe our conversation. Whatever was about to transpire, it seemed they intended to leave the decision to me.  
"So, um, Sen… Why are you here?"  
She smiled.  
"I've come to take you."  
That had not been on the short list I'd begun to compile of reasons Sen had sought my company in the middle of the night. A quick glance around the room revealed that it had not been on anyone else's either.  
"Um… Pardon? I don't understand what you're saying…"  
"No, what you don't understand is the situation. But you needn't worry. You do trust me, don't you?"  
I certainly didn't suspect her of anything untoward, but…  
"There's no time. We must make preparations to leave immediately."  
Silent until that moment, the woman at Sen's elbow finally spoke.  
"Wait, wait, hold on. Why should I go with you?"  
"Yeah, that's a damn good question!" snapped Nagakura. "You just barge in here, ask to see her, and spring this on us!"  
He narrowed his eyes.  
"I think it's about time you told us what the hell's going on here!"  
"Please, Sen."  
I didn't let my gaze waver from her eyes.  
"…Yes, I do suppose you have a point. Very well. I shall start at the beginning."  
She cast her gaze around the room; this explanation was not simply for my benefit.  
"You are familiar with Kazama, yes? I hear you have crossed swords with him once or twice."  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at her.  
"How'd you know that?"  
Sen frowned.  
"Oh, ah, well, I hear of most things that happen in Kyoto. Eventually."  
The Commander smiled.  
"Hnn. You're something like Kazama and his punks, aren't you?"  
Sen furrowed her brows in irritation.  
"I would rather prefer not to be associated with his ilk, but yes, in a sense you are correct."  
His smile vanished.  
"…Fine. You were talking about Kazama."  
"He showed up at Ikedaya, Hamaguri, and Nijo," explained Harada. "He's got something to do with Satsuma and Choshu, doesn't he?"  
Okita folded his arms.  
"Well, most of the time it seemed more like he was there for his own reasons, not any kind of domain politics."  
Hijikata sighed.  
"Either way, he's an enemy of the Shinsengumi."  
"Then you are also aware that he is pursuing your lady friend here?"  
Sen gestured at me for the captains' benefit, then fixed me with a level stare.  
What was going on? This was getting stranger and stranger, and I was starting to think I didn't really want to know the rest of the story.  
After quietly listening, Kondou finally spoke.  
"We are aware of that. we are also aware that Kazama and his compatriots call themselves demons-not that we're inclined to believe such a claim, of course."  
Sanan glanced at him.  
"Regardless, we must consider it. They have demonstrated several times that they have strength and skill beyond any human."  
Okita, of course, laughed.  
"Ha! Heh heh… Guess you'd know, huh Sanan?"

The room grew slightly more uncomfortable.  
I didn't think Okita had meant to offend with his remarks, but…  
"So, um, go on Sen…"  
"Ah, then you know they are demons. Excellent. That will save me some time, then. I am not a human either. I am also a demon."  
A demon?!  
Sen was a demon?!  
I am, in fact, a princess. Princess Sen."  
With that, she gave us an elegant bow, exactly like what one might expect from a princess.  
"I come from a family of ninja who have served Princess Sen and her family for generations."  
Hijikata smirked.  
"I'd wondered why you were being so friendly. You were gathering information on the Shinsengumi."  
"I have no idea what you mean."  
She tilted her head to the side politely, and met Hijikata's glare with an innocent smile.  
Nagakura's eye went wide.  
"You know her?!"  
Harada rolled his eyes.  
"Move your eyes up about six inches, Shinpachi. That's Kimigiku. She's, uh, dressed a little different from when we met her at Shimabara, but that's her face all right."  
"What?!"  
Nagakura nearly fell over in shock.  
After recovering, he made a great show of staring pointedly at Kimigiku's face. For his effort, he received a smile identical to the one Hijikata had received.  
"We demons have lived in this country since… Well, since a very long time ago. The top officials in the shogunate, and in many of the domains, already know of us."  
It was still something of a shock, but after meeting Kazama and his companions, it was somewhat easier to accept Sen's explanation as the truth.  
Most demons had no interest in human matters, and preferred to be left alone, to go about their own affairs in peace. However, humans in positions of power saw that they might achieve great things with the assistance of demons, and so demanded that assistance."  
"And…did the demons obey?"  
"Many did not. They felt they had no obligation to involve themselves in human affairs. Human ambition meant nothing to them. But when they refused, the human lords were furious. They sent out great armies to destroy the villages of the demons."  
"How horrible…"  
"The demon clans scattered across the country and were, perforce, sent into hiding."  
"No longer isolated in their own communities, demons began to mate with humans. These days, there are few demons who can a pure bloodline."  
"And I assume Kazama is one of these?" asked Kondou.  
Sen nodded.  
"Currently, the largest pureblood family in the west is the Kazama, who have the support of the Satsuma Domain. The head of that family you have already met: Chikage Kazama."  
"Chikage Kazama…"  
"In the east, the largest family is the Yukimura."  
"What?!"  
"I had heard the Yukimura family had been destroyed, but it would seem there is a survivor. That survivor is her."  
She turned her eyes to me.  
"Chizuru, the blood that runs in your veins is pure and strong. I sense great power from you."  
"No way…I…but…"  
"No, you are very much a demon. i apologize, but there it is."  
The finality of her words brought a cold silence to the room.  
I had no desire to believe her story, but the more I thought back to events that had seemed utterly nonsensical, the more it made sense.  
Now I knew why Kazama was after me, and why I'd always healed so much more quickly than anyone else.  
Sen turned back to the others.  
"If Chizuru is indeed the descendant of a pureblooded demon, then Kazama's desire for her is clear. Should two purebloods mate, they will produce an even more powerful demon."  
Kondou glanced at me and frowned before returning his attention to Sen.  
"Ah… So he wants her for his bride."  
"After a fashion, yes. Kazama will definitely return for her. Thus far he has been content to toy with you, but I cannot guess how much longer that may last. Should he devote all of his formidable abilities to this task, I do not think you will be able to protect her. Even the Shinsengumi cannot stand against the true power of a demon."  
Nagakura was clearly offended.  
"Whoa there, Princess. You don't think that's going a bit far?"  
Harada agreed with him.  
"Shinpachi's right. You aren't givin' us enough credit."  
Sen's expression softened.  
"The only reason you are still alive is because Kazama and his companions have not turned their full strength on you."  
Sanan gave a snide smile.  
"Then let them. I should dearly like to see the power of a true demon."  
"Sanan!"  
Kazama and his friends had already demonstrated incredible strength: Even the captains of the Shinsengumi had been easily brushed that was not even the full extent of their strength, then a battle to the death against one of them would be…  
Hijikata had been quiet for the most part but now he spoke.  
"Let me be clear, lady. We're the Shinsengumi. The Wolves of Mibu. We're not going to piss ourselves over a demon or two."  
Okita nodded.  
"Very true. Besides, we've got the Demon himself in command, don't we?"  
Hijikata rolled his eyes.  
"Always have to have the last word, don't you?"  
Sen gave the Commander an apologetic look.  
"I understand how you feel, but… You must realize that these men are unlike any other foe you have faced before. That is why I must ask you to leave Chizuru to us. In our car, her chances of survival will be much higher."  
Nagakura narrowed his eyes at her, clearly fed up.  
"Hey, give us a chance all right? Are you trying to say we can't protect her?"  
"Besides, what do you mean 'chances'?" said Harada, his expression only slightly friendlier than his friend's. "If you can't guarantee her safety, I don't see why we should hand her over to you."  
Okita stared at Sen for a moment.  
"Look, lady, you're not part of the Shinsengumi, so I'd appreciate it if you could keep your nose out of our business, all right?"  
They had made it quite clear that they weren't interested in Sen's offer. Perhaps they'd been a little harsh, but I couldn't deny the warm feeling of being part of a family who was unwilling to let me go.  
Kimigiku glanced at the Commander.  
"What about you, Hijikata? You've acknowledged Kazama's strength. Surely you must at least consider the Princess's offer. Please, give Chizuru to us."  
His eyes narrowed if irritation.  
"That's different."  
Kimigiku's smile froze.  
"I don't know how strong our enemy really is, but that doesn't change the fact that we'll protect her, in the name of the Shinsengumi."  
He turned to Sen.  
"Besides, you're a demon, too. Why should we trust you?"  
Kimigiku furrowed her brows in anger.  
"Do you know who you're speaking to? Princess Sen is a descendant of Suzuka Gozen-"  
"Kimigiku, please. That is not necessary."  
Her tone was calm and friendly, but it left no room for argument.  
"I agree with Hijikata," said Sanan. "She should stay here, with the Shinsengumi."  
Kimigiku glared at him, but said nothing.  
Sen frowned.  
"I see. This is a problem, then. There is no way I can convince you?"  
Kondou had remained silent for most of the discussion, his arms folded in thought, but at last he spoke.  
"…Yukimura. What do you have to say about this?"  
"Me? Um… Well, I…uh…"  
He smiled.  
"I see. It must be difficult to discuss with an audience. You ought to speak with Princess Sen, alone."  
Hijikata's eyes went wide at these words.  
"What the hell, Kondou!"  
He wasn't the only one to object; most of the room rose up in protest.  
Sanan frowned.  
"There should be at least one witness. The princess may take Kimigiku as well, of course."  
Kondou shook his head.  
"No, that's not necessary."  
He swept his gaze across the room.  
"Yukimura has shown herself to be reasonable. I've no doubt she won't do anything foolish."  
He gave me a sweet smile.  
"Am I correct, Yukimura?"  
"Of course. I would never betray you. Any of you."  
Okita gave a sheepish smile.  
"Well, if Kondou says so…"  
His words spoke for the rest of them as well.  
They might not like it, but Kondou was the chief. What he said, went.  
Sanan, however was a bit more reluctant to agree.  
"You won't steal her away the moment the two of you are alone, will you?"  
Sen smiled at him.  
"You needn't worry. I am not like Kazama."  
I turned to Sanan as well.  
"I'll be fine. Sen isn't a bad person."  
"Why thank you, Chizuru."  
She smiled.

…  
A few moments later, we found ourselves alone in my room.  
"I know I've given you a terrible amount of things to think on this evening, and I'm awfully sorry."  
Now that we were alone, she was less formal: This was the Sen I had met in Kyoto, all those months ago.  
"No, it's all right. …I'm sorry about, you know, them. They said some pretty mean things."  
"Well, that's to be expected I fear. I was asking rather a lot of them, and frightfully suddenly. Not many humans would accept the existence of demons so readily. But enough of that! On to business. What do you say to my offer? Have you thought on it?"  
I had indeed.  
If Sen had come to me when I'd first arrived in Kyoto, I might well have taken her up on her hospitality.  
But now…  
She frowned when I didn't answer right away.  
"The Shinsengumi seems to believe that it can protect you. Though I do not doubt their dedication, I confess I do doubt their ability."

Perhaps what she said was true.  
To stand against demons would be no mean feat.  
The Shinsengumi was powerful, and skilled. I'd seen them face overwhelming odds and emerge victorious, but always those odds had been only human.  
The strength of even a single demon was something great and terrible; of that, there was no doubt. We had all seen so firsthand, and some had even lost their lives to that strength.  
Even the captains had nearly fallen before them.  
I glanced up at Sen who was smiling warmly at me.  
"Will you come with us, then? It is dangerous for you to remain with the Shinsengumi."  
"Sen…"  
Her eyes were serious, but warm and honest. Whatever else she might be, her concern for me was real.  
"Thank you, Sen, but…"  
I hesitated.  
"Is there a reason you wish to stay?"  
"…Yeah."  
"Oh my… One of those gentlemen, perhaps?"  
"Wh-What?!"  
Her question had been entirely innocent, although it had caught me off-guard. I couldn't possibly lie to her…  
"Yeah."  
I nodded, and did my best to look confident.  
"…I see."  
She smiled.  
"Well, I shan't ask who, but I can certainly understand your dilemma. That being the case, I couldn't possibly tell you to leave."

…  
"Thank you for waiting."  
The common room was just as we'd left it, and every head swiveled to look at Sen and me as we stepped back in.  
It didn't look as though they'd tried to kill each other in our absence, which was something of a relief.  
Kondou was the first to speak.  
"Have you reached a decision?"  
Before I could speak, Sen stepped forward.  
"After some discussion, we have decided to leave things as they are."  
"Sen…"  
She bowed deeply to the captains.  
Kimigiku gave her charge a hesitant look.  
"Are you sure, Your Highness?"  
"Quite. For now, I believe it is of utmost importance to prioritize Chizuru's desire."  
"Very well," said Kondou, giving them both a kind smile. "The Shinsengumi accepts responsibility for her well-being."  
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than all the captains rushed toward me.  
"Just relax and leave it all to me!" said Nagakura happily.  
Harada rolled his eyes but smiled.  
"Oh, I'm sure Shinpachi'll give you all sorts of other things to worry about. Still, glad to have you around."  
Okita folded his arms and smirked at me.  
"What kind of girl would want to stay here?"  
Hijikata gave a kind smile of his own.  
"This doesn't make you some kind of special guest. You get the same treatment you always have."  
"Right. Thank you, all of you, for letting me stay!"  
Sen took my hands in hers, and let her eyes rest on mine.  
"Do be careful. And remember, I am on your side."  
"Thank you, Sen."  
She gave me one last warm smile, and then Sen and Kimigiku were gone.

…  
"*Sigh*"  
Once again, sleep refused to come.  
My mind worked furiously, turning over everything Sen had told me; examining it from every angle.  
I was a demon.  
Not only that, but I was the head of a pureblooded demon clan that had been nearly destroyed, and my heritage was the reason Kazama had developed such an interest in me.  
"Gosh…"  
I had decided to stay with the Shinsengumi, but was that really the best idea? Should I have left instead?  
I'd wanted to stay, of course, and I didn't really think leaving was a reasonable choice, but…  
What if I'd made a mistake?

It wasn't an easy question to answer.  
The relentless flow of thought had at last begun to subside when I heard noise erupt from outside.  
Roars and shouts of battle, accompanied by the sound of steel against steel echoed through the night.  
"I'm sorry for bothering you so late, but this is an emergency!"  
There was someone just outside my door…Shimada?  
"Y-Yes?!"  
The word was barely out of my mouth when the door snapped open and Shimada stepped into my room. His eyes darted back and forth nervously, and his body was tense.  
"Has something happened?"  
He nodded.  
"The demons have attacked us. Here."  
"What?!"  
I leapt for the door, but he threw out an arm to stop me, and his eyes met mine.  
"They're after you, which means you need to stay here."  
"B-But-!"  
I was the reason they'd come here! How could I justify sitting on my hands while others fought my battles for me? I didn't know what to do…  
"I have to go, Shimada."  
"I can't let you do that!"  
I gave him a level stare.  
"Those demons are here for me. If anyone gets hurt… Maybe they'll listen to me. That's why they're here, right? What if I can convince them to leave peacefully?"  
He still wouldn't budge.  
"Please, I'm begging you! Let me go!"  
Shimada's brow furrowed, and his mouth drew into a tight line, but at last he sighed and shook his head.  
"Fine. I was told to protect you though, so if you're going then so am I."

…  
We ran out of the house and then I paused momentarily, unsure of where to go.  
"This wa-Grraagh!"  
One moment Shimada was there, and the next he wasn't.  
He flew several yards through the air, then landed hard on the ground, slid another few feet and lay still.  
"Shimada?!"  
I froze.  
"Just where do you think you're going?"  
That cold, flat voice… Chikage Kazama?!  
In the same instant that I recognized his voice, I felt his arm snake around my neck, pulling me toward him.  
"Urgh!"  
I struggled, but his grip was as immovable as steel.  
"Let me go!"  
"Hmph. What sort of business do you have with false demons, hmm?"  
His voice was like a cold breath in my ear, and I could almost hear a sneer in his tone.  
"No matter how much you give to these humans, they will betray you. You've seen those abominations they've created, haven't you? What could you possibly hope to gain from them?"  
"I…"  
I was at a loss for words.  
The creation of the furies was hardly something I approved of, but I wasn't part of the Shinsengumi. What right did I have to criticize their actions?  
Especially when the very concoction that allowed them to create their "false demons" had been created by my father.  
"Breaking into out headquarters, huh? Takes balls, but that fun's over now, pal."  
"Hey! Let her go!"  
Tears nearly sprung to my eyes.  
"Hijikata! Harada!"  
Behind them, I could see Yamazaki and several of the other Shinsengumi soldiers.  
Some men were missing, though… Had they been injured by the demons? Perhaps even…killed?  
Kazama sneered at them all.  
"You fools have no idea of her worth. She is most valuable when used by a fitting partner."  
Harada appeared disgusted.  
"If you're that into her, then just bring her flowers and stuff, like a normal guy. This stuff is just creepy."  
The Shinsengumi had surrounded Kazama by now, but his grip on me hadn't wavered for even a moment.  
"She's worthless to you as a hostage." said Hijikata.  
Kazama smirked at him.  
"I have no intention of using her as such. She is my goal here, not a hostage. The rest of you are simply obstacles."  
The ring of men around him began to draw in. I could feel the tension build, like a rope being pulled taut. Soon it would reach its breaking point. What was I going to do?  
Kazama had a good hole on me from behind, but he hadn't bothered to restrain my arms. Perhaps he'd simply thought that there was nothing I could do, or that I wouldn't dare to attack him.  
…Or perhaps he thought that even if I did, he'd have no difficulty dealing with my attacks.  
I wasn't foolish enough to think I might actually beat him in a fight, but at least I could try and defend myself! I'd let the Shinsengumi deal with my problems on their own long enough!  
"Yah!"  
I jerked my kodachi out of its scabbard and swung it at him.  
Before it could even reach him, Kazama's hand shot out to grab my sword arm, stopping me as surely as if I'd hit a wall.  
"Hnng!"  
His hand slid to my wrist, and he twisted viciously.  
It was strong enough that I thought for a moment my bones would break. With a cry, my sword flew from my fingers.  
"Pointless. You thought you'd actually hit me?"  
"No, but I will!"  
"What?!"  
My aborted attack had distracted Kazama for only a split second, but that was all the time Hijikata needed.  
Within the space of a breath, he closed the distance between himself and my captor, the tip of his blade leaping toward Kazama's throat.  
Dammit!"  
Almost too quickly to see, he leaned out of the way, Hijikata's blade hissed through the air centimeters from his neck.  
A lesser man-a human-would have been dead, and so for a moment Kazama's demon strength and reflexes were focused on the sword at his throat. That moment was enough time for me to break free.  
"Ah!"  
I felt a gentle, powerful arm curl around my body, catching and sheltering me at the same time.  
"Hijikata…?"  
"Thought you were supposed to stay in your room. You're a real pain, kid."  
"I know, I'm sorry…"  
He never looked away from Kazama as he spoke but his next words held a hint of relief.  
"Still, you did good."  
"…What?"  
"Wouldn'ta had that opening without you. Good job."  
Praise from Hijikata was…not something I was accustomed to. I opened my mouth to say…I wasn't sure what, when-  
"The girl is mine. I will not give her to a mere human."  
Kazama had recovered quickly from the attack, and his eyes smoldered with cold fury.  
"Sorry, but I can't give her to you. The Shinsengumi's responsible for her now. We gave our word. No going back."  
I felt his grip on me tighten as he spoke.  
"Chizuru. You know you're a demon, yes? Then come. Join me."  
"No! I'll never join you! I'm staying here! Now please…please leave!"  
A look of annoyance gleamed over his features.  
"…You would choose a simple human, then?"  
"Ha! Aww, too bad, Kazama. Looks like you got dumped."  
I hadn't even noticed Shiranui appear, but behind him I could see the Fury Corps, ready for battle.  
At their head was Sanan.  
"He he he… There you are. The Fury Corps will be your opponent."  
"This is an excellent chance for you to witness our tremendous strength."  
"…These men are fresh, ready to fight. What would you do?"  
Amagiri, too, had betrayed no hint of his presence until he simply appeared.  
"So? They could have a whole army of these chumps, and they wouldn't be a match for us. I say we take 'em apart."  
His tongue flickered over his lips, and his grin was almost hungry.  
"Ah hahahaha! Yes, do! Show us just how 'superior' you are!"  
"This is a farce. We retreat."  
With no further deliberation, they leapt over the wall to the street and were gone.  
The Shinsengumi did not pursue them.  
My body sagged with relief as the terrified energy of the last few minutes quickly ebbed away.  
"All right. Won't see them again tonight."  
The warmth of his arm lingered for a few moments after he'd let go of me.  
"Um…Hijikata? Thank you…"  
"Hey! What's the status of the injured?!"  
"Oh…"  
The moment he'd let go, he'd turned away to deal with his men. He hadn't even heard me.  
His face was cold and hard; the face of the Demon of the Shinsengumi.  
As the last of his warmth left me, I shivered in the cold night air.

…  
It seemed like morning came altogether too early.  
I sighed, splashed my face with cold water to clear my wits, and headed for the common room.  
The captains and several other men were already there, including Inoue and Yamazaki.  
"Good morning."  
They nodded or mumbled return greetings, but their faces were universally dour after the night's events.  
I heard Inoue and Yamazaki mention Shimada's name, and edged over to listen in on their conversation.  
"How is he doing?" asked Inoue.  
"The hit knocked him out," explained Yamazaki, "but aside from some bruises he seems to be fine. He'll be back on duty soon."  
I sighed with relief, and felt some of the tension leave my neck. If Shimada had been seriously hurt guarding me…  
"Oh, Chizuru. Shimada wanted to apologize to you for not doing a better job."  
"What?! I'm the one who should be apologizing to him!"  
I felt the conversation in the room ebb, and turned to see Kondou walk through the door.  
he was usually calm and collected, but today his face was especially stern. Something was wrong…but what?  
"Uh oh. What's happened? You've got a scary enough face to begin with, Kondou. now you're just terrifying."  
Inoue glanced at me.  
"Look, you're even scaring her."  
"N-No, I'm not scared!"  
I waved my hands desperately, and the men laughed.  
Kondou turned to me, thought his expression remained unchanged.  
"Sorry about that."  
He gave me a tight grin, but then looked down, his face grim.  
"Please, just tell us what happened. Is it bad?"  
"Well, you'll find out soon enough, I suppose."  
He wasn't just talking to me any more. The rest of the men moved closer to hear what he had to say.  
"Nishi Hongwanji doesn't want the Shinsengumi here any more."  
Yamazaki frowned.  
"They're telling us to leave, you mean."  
Kondou turned to him.  
"Well, they didn't say that in so many words, but…yes."  
"I had a feeling this day would come eventually," said Inoue, "but now that it's here… What should we do?"  
The monks at the Nishi Hongwanji temple were imperialists, and allies of the Choshu. They'd never been fond of the Shinsengumi, but we'd decided to force our way into their temple anyway.  
It was no surprise they wanted us out, but I'd finally begun to feel like the temple was my home… On a more practical level as well it was far more convenient for our work in Kyoto.  
I was sure I wasn't the only one who felt that way.  
"Still, this is awfully sudden," stated Yamazaki. "Do you think last night's incident triggered this?"  
Kondou sighed.  
"I don't have to think; I know. They don't want fighting on the temple grounds. I'm sure someone else has a hand in this too. The Choshu, maybe, or Satsuma."  
The fight the night before had only happened because of me.  
"I'm sorry… This is all my fault."  
Kondou gave me a sad smile.  
"Not true. We came to this temple and forced them to yield to our admittedly unreasonable demands."  
Yamazaki grimaced.  
"But what are we going to do? If we have to move, then we need to start looking for a new location."  
"Actually, we don't. We'll be provided with a new site, courtesy of the Nishi Hongwanji temple."  
At this Inoue smiled.  
"That's awfully generous. They must really want us gone."  
Kondou frowned, clearly not finding it amusing.  
"Yes on both counts, which is why I decided to accept their offer. Things are going to get busy around here soon."

…  
A plot of land was purchased and a new compound built, all paid for by the Nishi Hongwanji temple. It became the third headquarters of the Shinsengumi: the Fudodo Village location.  
By the time summer came, the Shinsengumi had left Nishi Hongwanji, where they'd spent more than two years.


	12. Chapter 3-3

We're almost there...

* * *

CHAPTER 3-3

November 1867

A gust of wind stripped some of the last, stubborn leaves from the trees, and sent them skittering across the Kyoto street.  
It was cold, and bit into me through my clothes. i shivered.  
"…It's almost winter, isn't it?"  
"Yeah," said Harada. "The wind's gotten pretty cold lately. Still, we don't have it too bad during the day. I can't imagine how cold it gets for the night guys…"  
It was November, and the temperature was definitely dropping, although it had yet to get cold enough to see our breath during patrol.  
"Haaah…"  
Harada smiled at me.  
"Are your hands cold? …Would you like me to hold them?"  
I smirked at him.  
"I'm not that cold! I'll be fine! …Oh?"  
I'd noticed someone walking toward us…  
"Hey, Chizuru. Sano, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be working, not screwing off and hitting on poor, defenseless girls on the street."  
Harada scowled at him.  
"Hey, not everybody's a gigolo like you. She looked cold. I'm just trying to be a gentleman."  
"Oh… He he… Hello, Nagakura."  
Nagakura's patrol took him on a different route than others: It was only luck that we'd happened to meet in one of the few places they overlapped.  
Their bickering might have looked odd to a passerby, but I knew it for a sign of deep friendship that it was.  
"Hm? What's up? Why're you grinning like that…?"  
Harada laughed.  
"Probably thinks your face is funny, Shinpachi. You really oughta do something about that thing."  
"No!" I snapped. "It's just…um… Well, I was just remembering when we met up like this before… Like the time I met Kaoru… I was with Okita and Heisuke then, though-"  
I stopped.  
"Oh…"  
More than six months had passed since Saito and Heisuke had left to join the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. Harada and Shinpachi's faces turned grim as I trailed off.  
I shook my head, hoping vainly cast off unpleasant thoughts.  
"I just mean there's been so much going on lately… It make me nostalgic…"  
"The Shinsengumi has changed… Hell, so has the rest of the world."  
"Yes… Like the shogunate handing power over to the Imperial Court."  
Nagakura nodded as I spoke, with the air of a pleased teacher encouraging a student.  
"Yes, yes, very good. Now, do you know how the loss of Itou and his followers affected the Shinsengumi?"  
"Um… Well, we have fewer member now…"  
"You're half right. True, we have lost some of our men. Those who were staunch imperialists were the first to leave."  
Harada nodded and glanced at me.  
"That meant that most of the guys who stayed were loyalists. Not all of them, though…"  
"Yeah," said Nagakura. "You remember when Kondou got promoted into direct service to the shogun, and we all became shogunate vassals? Not everybody was happy about that."  
"That was right around the time we moved to Fudodo Village…"  
Several more men had wanted to leave. Some of them had been given permission to go, but others were told that wasn't an option and were forced into the Fury Corps.  
Kondou's promotion had changed the Shinsengumi's relationship with the shogun. Where before, we'd only been philosophically aligned with the shogun, now we answered directly to him.  
For some people, that had been a serious problem.  
"How do you guys feel about being vassals of the shogun?"  
Harada arched a brow and gave an unsure smile.  
"…I'm not really a fan."  
Nagakura seemed annoyed.  
"Yeah, I didn't do all this work just so I could be a retainer for the shogun."  
Neither of them was very happy with it, then-Nagakura especially.  
We kept walking for a few blocks, talking about this and that, before Harada yawned quietly.  
"Your droning is putting me to sleep, Shinpachi. You can tell him to shut up too, if he's boring you, you know."  
I smiled and laughed.  
"Oh, no, I'm fine. I like listening to Nagakura talk about things."  
"You see, Sano? She's a good girl. Unlike you. Now, shall we continue?"  
He turned back to me as we continued forward.  
"What do you know about the Meiji Emperor's ascension two months ago, and the Restoration of Imperial Rule last month?"  
"Well, the Restoration was when the Tokugawa shogunate returned power over the government to the emperor…right? I don't' really know much about it…"  
He grinned.  
"Well, you know enough; that's pretty much it. A man named Ryoma Sakamoto, from the Tosa Domain, was the one who figured out a way for the emperor to regain power without destroying the shogunate."  
Unfortunately, Nagakura continued, in doing so he managed to anger both the loyalist and imperialist factions, and earned enmity of both.  
"At any rate, the Restoration means that Tokugawa has lost all real authority. …At least, that's the official story."  
"In reality, he's keeping a lot fo his power;" said Harada, "the government just can't function without someone to hold the reins. The Satsuma are up to something too, but we don't know what. Still, the world's not going to change overnight."  
"I see…"  
As I looked around the city, it seemed like he had a point.  
Nothing much seemed to have changed… Inns were still bustling with travelers; tea shops were still smelling delicious…  
Life continued just as it always had, regardless of what the shogun was or wasn't doing.  
"Hmm…"  
The city might look the same as it always had, but time flowed on, regardless, and a great wave was coming that would carry all of us away.  
I looked up at Nagakura, and something occurred to me that I hadn't though of before. Before I realized what I was doing, I'd already opened my mouth.  
"I didn't realize you were so smart, Nagakura. You know a lot about politics."  
He stopped and blinked.  
"…Didn't realize…? Wait, just what did you think of me?"

…  
There was a man named Ryoma Sakamoto.  
He was a ronin from the Tosa Domain, and had allied himself with the Satsuma and Choshu Domains as well.  
For a time, the Kyoto Judiciary Commissioner, Mimawarigumi, and even the Shinsengumi were desperate to find him.  
After his orchestration of the Restoration of Imperial Rule, however, orders were passed down to leave him alone.  
I only had a general idea of who he was and what he'd done, but even I had figured out that he was an important person, so when I heard Inoue mention him, I listened.  
"Ryoma Sakamoto has been assassinated."  
Harada's eyes went wide.  
"You serious, Gen? …Do they know who did it?"  
"Sakamoto had a lot of enemies," said Nagakura, folding his arms. "Could have been imperialist or loyalists. Hell, it could have just been personal, in which case my money's on Miura of Kishu."  
Okita laughed at this.  
"Ha. You think maybe they're looking at us for it? Damn… If the bastard was gonna get killed anyway, I should've done 'im."  
Nagakura scowled at him.  
"That's, uh, not very funny coming from you… In fact, weren't we specifically told to leave him alone?"  
I'd never met Sakamoto-I barely knew who he was-but I felt somehow that his death would shake the country to its core.  
Inoue frowned.  
"As you all know, there was a decision made far above us, and Kondou was ordered to leave Ryoma Sakamoto alone. Unfortunately, the rest of the country is unlikely to see it that way."  
He turned to Harada and Nagakura as he continued.  
"A scabbard belonging to a member of the Shinsengumi was found at the scene of his death. There has been a request for an official inquiry."  
"A scabbard? Is that really enough evidence?"  
Harada sighed.  
"If it isn't, I'm sure they'll just fabricate more. It's obviously a ruse. Who are they saying it belonged to anyway?"  
Inoue's frown deepened.  
"Actually…they say it was yours, Harada."  
Harada's eyes snapped wide.  
"What?!"  
Of all the people to try and frame for murder...Harada?!  
Okita smirked.  
"Really, Sano? Damn. Wish you'd brought me with you…"  
Harada glared at him.  
"Knock it off, Okita. Besides, my Scabbard's right here. This is idiotic."  
He threw up his hands in exasperation.  
Inoue smiled faintly and nodded.  
"I don't suspect you, and neither does anyone else here. Unfortunately, I doubt the rest of the nation will extend you the same courtesy. I imagine they're having trouble determining the real culprit. There was talk that Kyutaro Miura from Kishu asked the Shinsengumi to kill Ryoma."  
Miura… That was the man Nagakura had mentioned. He had some sort of personal quarrel with Sakamoto, which made him a suspect.  
"I'm sure there's plenty of people who'd love to pin this on of the Shinsengumi," said Nagakura, "but unless someone did it and lied about it, there's not way it was us."  
Okita's eyes darkened.  
"Unless Sanan decided to go do a little work off the books."  
The room fell silent.  
Harada suddenly seemed concerned.  
"How…is Sanan these days? Our reputation is grisly enough, but the rumors I've been hearing about the night patrol are ever worse."  
It was true that Sanan had been acting stranger and stranger. Although I didn't want to believe it, I had to admit it wasn't that difficult to imagine him doing something like that.  
When I passed him on occasion in the hallways, his eyes were dry and thirsty, as if he was always, always hungry for blood.  
"We'll have to be careful, then," said Nagakura, folding his arms. "We can't let people learn about the furies."  
"About that…"  
"Oh, hey, Kondou. Hijikata-whoa," stammered Harada.  
His eyes widened.  
As did Nagakura's.  
"Saito?! What the hell are you doing here?!"  
I rubbed vigorously at my eyes, looked, then did it again.  
But there was no doubt. The man who'd followed Kondou and Hijikata into the room was the man who'd left to join the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, Saito himself.  
Inoue however seemed more relieved that shocked.  
"Oh, hello Saito. It's been a while. What happened to the Guard?"  
This confused me.  
"What are you talking about, Inoue?! There's no way Hijikata would allow anyone from the Guard here! We're prohibited from even talking to them-"  
"Ugh. Just…shut up, all right? Starting today, Saito's back in the Shinsengumi."  
Hijikata's eyes narrowed at me.  
…What?  
Thankfully I wasn't the only one out of the loop.  
"What? Hold on a second there, Hijikata," said Harada. "We're glad he's back, don't get me wrong, but… What happened with the Guard? And Itou?"  
It was Saito who answered.  
"You're mistaken, but understandably. I was never one of Itou's supporters."  
Kondou nodded.  
"In fact, Saito joined Itou and his men as a spy, under Toshi's direct orders."  
And with that, everything suddenly made sense.  
They say that to fool your enemy, you must first fool your allies, and Saito had been doing just that!  
Okita frowned at Saito.  
"What? C'mon Saito. It's not fair for you to go off and have fun without letting me in on it."  
Nagakura glanced at Kondou in irritation.  
"Man, you just about scared the pants off me… Not cool, Kondou."  
"This was all top secret. I'm sorry I had to keep it from all of you."  
It was a surprise, to be sure, but I was glad we'd have Saito back with us again.  
I gave him a tentative smile, but he only sighed and shook his head.  
"It's too early to feel relieved. The last six months in the Guard have made it clear: Itou and his followers are going to take action against the Shinsengumi."  
Inoue frowned.  
"What sort of action?"  
It was Hijikata who answered.  
"Itou is going to expose the Fury Corps to discredit the shogunate. There's even talk that he's working with Satsuma to that end."  
If the existence and creation of the monstrous furies was to become public knowledge…  
The shogunate's reputation would be irreparably damaged, and the Shinsengumi would undoubtedly suffer as well. Even I could predict that.  
"There's more," started Saito. "Itou plans to assassinate the Chief of the Shinsengumi."  
"You…you mean Kondou?!"  
I felt sick.

Kondou's face was stern and tense, but he kept silent.  
He glanced over at Hijikata.  
"The Guard is moving to destroy the Shinsengumi. …You've already heard about Sakamoto, right?"  
Harada nodded.  
"Yeah, some crap about me being the killer."  
Hijikata's eyes narrowed.  
"Right. Well, you have the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb to thank. They've been spreading the rumor that Kyotaro Miura of Kishu hired the Shinsengumi, and that Harada put the sword in him."  
Hijikata explained that Miura insisted that he didn't do it, but is sure that someone's going to take a stab at him eventually.  
"So, Saito's going to be guarding Miura for now. if it looks like he just left and then came back, it won't be to hard for Itou to put two and two together."  
Saito nodded.  
"I understand. Until this matter is settled, it is better that I'm not seen here."  
Here Hijikata paused for a moment.  
The room was utterly silent. Every one of us could sense that what came next would be very, very important.

"Kashitaro Itou… It's not enough for you to expose the Fury Corps… You have to try to kill Kondou too, huh…"  
He spoke quietly, almost to himself, as if sharing a final moment with a former comrade.  
Then he looked up, and when he spoke his voice was like cold steel. The voice of the Demon.  
"It's too bad it has to be this way, but we don't have a choice. Itou dies."  
Kondou frowned, clearly troubled by this decision.  
"Hm. I suppose you're right. It can't be helped."  
He nodded, and that was that. The Shinsengumi would kill Kashitaro Itou.  
Hijikata folded his arms and started to lay out the plan.  
"First, we'll invite Itou to Kondou's second home. I'll be there too. Once he'd dead, we can use Itou's corpse to lure out the rest of the Guard and kill them."  
He glanced at Shinpachi and Sano.  
"Nagakura, Harada, I'm assigning you and your divisions to this. Take care of it."  
Okita glanced at Hijikata expectantly.  
"Hey, Hijikata. Who do you want me to kill?"  
Hijikata's expression softened a bit.  
"No one. You're staying here, in bed. You've still got that cough, don't you? You're sick. Saito'll be here for a few days, so you'll have someone to play with."  
Okita folded his arms and looked away.  
"You're a real bastard, Hijikata."  
It all seemed very calculated, for murder.  
I hadn't realized I'd been sitting still, dumbfounded, until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.  
"…Saito?"  
"This will be the end of the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. If we are going to return Heisuke to the ford, it must be now or never."  
"*Gasp*"  
He was right.  
If they meant to kill Guard, that included Heisuke!  
"Um, Hijikata? What are you going to do with Heisuke? He's part of the Guard now…"  
Nagakura grinned.  
"Isn't that obvious? We'll save him, of course."  
Hijikata's face hardened.  
"No. He fights us, he dies."  
"…Wh-What? No! You can't mean that! That's wrong!"  
Hijikata showed no sign that he'd even heard me.  
I watched his back disappear out the door.  
I turned to Kondou, anger and panic welling up inside me.  
"You're actually going to order them to kill Heisuke?! Don't you care what happens to him?!"  
"Of course we care!" he snapped. "I know that, deep down, Toshi wants to save him too… I'll…I'll talk to him later."  
The last few words he mumbled to himself, and then coughed nervously, as if embarrassed that he'd raised his voice.  
It was only then that I realized how much Kondou was suffering. How much they were all suffering, even Hijikata…  
"I'm sorry for…for saying that."  
"No, no, no need to apologize. It makes me happy, quite honestly. I'm glad people care for Heisuke."  
Kondou let out a slow breath, then looked up at me and smiled.  
He turned to Nagakura and Harada, and spoke in a low voice.  
"I'm asking you this not as your chief, but as Isami Kondou. …Let Heisuke live. And…if you can, try to convince him to come back."  
Nagakura grinned and nodded.  
"…Got it."  
Harada placed a hand on Kondou's shoulder.  
"Leave it to us, Chief."  
As they discussed the details of their orders, I sat and wondered what I should do. What could I do?  
"…I trust everything clear? If you have questions, now is the time."  
"…Wait."  
I heard myself begin to speak, my voice surprisingly calm and dignified.  
"I haven't been given any orders. I would like to help."  
Kondou frowned.  
"This is a…dirty job. You really shouldn't be involved."  
It was true; this wasn't a patrol, or even a guarding mission. This was the assassination of a former comrade, and an attack on men who'd split from the Shinsengumi.  
Still, I wanted to do what I could. It might be my last chance to see Heisuke.  
"Please, let me go. I won't get in the way."  
Nagakura glanced at me with mixed concern and frustration.  
"…This isn't like anything you've done before, Chizuru. You understand that, right?"  
Harada narrowed his eyes at me.  
"We're killing someone who used to be one of us. …Much as we don't want to, we might even have to kill Heisuke."  
"…I know. It's not something to be taken lightly."  
I knew that the Shinsengumi had carried out these sorts of black operations before.  
There was no way I could have stayed with them as long as I had and not known, but that was why I couldn't simply stand by and let them shoulder all the responsibility.  
I'd spent enough time looking away until the deed was done. Now more.  
"Perhaps it's presumptuous of me to say so, but…I consider myself a member of the Shinsengumi."  
Kondou sighed.  
"Then you're determined to do this, I see."  
His face had lost its usual warmth. It wasn't anger, or cruelty that it showed now, but the gravity of a general addressing his men.  
"Tell me then. How do you intend to help?"  
I had already decided.  
I would help lure Itou into the trap the Shinsengumi had planned for him.  
He was quite cautious at first, but after some prompting to talk about issues he was familiar with and the liberal application of alcohol, he loosened up significantly.  
His high spirits provided an almost sickening contrast to the fate that awaited him.

…  
"Nationalism is very nearly a taboo term these days, you know."  
I said nothing.

His laughter echoed hollowly through my skull. In his smile I could already see the rictus grin of a corpse.  
We were entertaining Itou at Kondou's second home, and all night the alcohol had flown easily.  
"Even the Satsuma and Choshu have finally realized they cannot rival foreign technology and influence, and have begun to adopt outside culture."  
Kondou chuckled softly.  
"I see. Such as…?"  
"Ah, let me think… Yes! For example, the gun. Firearms! They've managed to import a great many guns, and have been training their man in Western warfare and tactics."  
He nodded sagely, and gestured somewhat awkwardly with his cup.  
Kondou nodded solemnly in agreement.  
Hijikata smiled.  
"Interesting. Maybe we should start thinking about training the Shinsengumi in Western tactics."  
"Yes!" said Itou happily. "You agree! You must be able to see the big picture these days!"  
Hijikata nodded.  
"Yeah. We might be on different paths, but we're all headed for the same destination. …Another drink, Itou?"  
"Here you are…" I said pouring him another cup.  
It was perfectly normal alcohol: no poison or drugs, but we were making him drunk in order to murder him. How was that any different then me pouring poison straight into his cup?  
"Ah…"  
Itou frowned at me.  
"My goodness dear, you're shaking. Are you all right? Are you feeling ill?"  
Kondou laughed.  
"You needn't worry about her, Itou. She's just nervous about speaking to you."  
Itou smiled at me.  
"Oh my, am I so terribly intriguing? What a bad girl you are."  
Hijikata gave a sad smile.  
"Yeah, she gives herself away too easily. Kid needs a little self-control."  
The subtle message was clear: hide your emotions, Chizuru.  
I swallowed and nodded.  
It had been my choice to help with Itou's…assassination. The least I could do now was not get in the way.  
"Yes… I'm sorry."  
Itou turned to me and smiled.  
"Oh rubbish. This is a party! We needn't be so stiff!"  
Kondou laughed again.  
"Ha ha! Itou, you truly are a man worthy of distinction.

…  
Time passed, and Alcohol was drunk.  
"Well, it was nice to enjoy a meaningful conversation. And now, farewell."  
After spending all night expounding on his theories for the advancement of Japanese society, Itou finally stumbled off into the darkness, more than a little drunk.  
I watched him disappear. It would be the last time I would see him alive.  
"…This feels wrong, Toshi." sighed Kondou.  
"It's the path we chose," replied Hijikata quietly. "It's our duty to do this, but that doesn't mean we have to be proud of it. Sometimes the job's dirty."  
"I…I…"  
I couldn't get the words out, but they weren't listening anyway.  
Hijikata turned to Kondou.  
"Look, Chief… This one's not on your head, all right? i mad the plan. I gave the orders."  
Hijikata let out a long sigh, his eyes staring off into the darkness where Itou had gone.  
What happened afterward was…not something I cared to remember. Itou, too drunk to fight back, was quickly and easily killed by the men waiting for him.  
...But the night was far from over.  
Battle and bloodshed waited at Aburano Koji for Nagakura and the men sent to ambush the Guardians of the Imperial tomb.  
Fate waited for Okita, convalescing at the headquarters in Fudodo Village.  
For them-for all of us-waited a night after which nothing would be the same.

…  
The assassination of Itou and the destruction of the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb was later known as the Aburano Koji Incident.  
Both the Shinsengumi and Guard were surprised by the sudden appearance of Satsuma troops, and by the demons who accompanied them.  
Both parties had fallen for the Satsuma trap, and the battlefield was thrown into confusion.  
During the fight, Heisuke was mortally wounded, and had no choice but to drink the Water of Life and become a fury, or die.  
As the battle of Aburano Koji was taking place, the headquarters of the Shinsengumi came under attack from Chikage Kazama.  
The monstrous thing my father had made was slowly devouring the Shinsengumi.  
How long before the Water of Life swallowed them whole?


	13. Chapter 3-4

Yay! The end of Chapter Three!

* * *

CHAPTER 3-4

December 1867

Scarcely a month had passed since Aburano Koji. Saito and Heisuke had returned, but the Shinsengumi was hardly back to normal. A dark, tense atmosphere pervaded the compound.  
Many men had lost their lives in Kazama's attacks. Even more had been injured during the attack at Aburano Koji. Among them was Heisuke.  
Several of the rank-and-file soldiers had seen him mortally wounded. He had looked as if he would not survive.  
For that reason, Heisuke was declared officially dead, and made a member of the Fury Corps.  
Saito hadn't been wounded, but many among the common soldiers began to call him a coward. To them, he had left the Shinsengumi to join Itou, then betrayed his new master when he sensed a change in fortunes.  
I saw no reason why he shouldn't set them straight, and say that he had never truly left the Shinsengumi, but he claimed he would rather stay silent than tarnish the honor of the commander and chief who had ordered his actions.  
As such, it was decided that Saito would leave the compound until tempers had been allowed to cool.  
He was sent to stay at Tenma in order to protect Kyutaro Miura, an official of the Kishu Domain.

…  
The night of the battle at Aburano Koji was a turning point for the Shinsengumi.  
For the men who didn't know the details, it was simply a battle against their former comrades, the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb.  
Those better informed knew that the situation with the Satsuma of Ryoma Sakamoto had been part of a much larger plan.  
Only the heads of the Shinsengumi knew the whole story: The activities of the demons, and Heisuke's transformation into a fury.  
Such an important battle had stirred up the atmosphere in the compound, and for several days there were excited men everywhere, shouting and talking. Moments of silence were few and far between.  
I felt I would only be in the way if I was wandering around the grounds, so I did my best to stay in my room by myself.  
When had everything gone so wrong? Why had all of this happened?  
I turned those questions over and over in my mind, but found no answers.  
My door suddenly slid open and someone walked in.  
"Ah, thank goodness, you're here. If you'd gone out, I wouldn't have been able to look for you."  
"Sanan?! But…it's daytime! Are you sure you're all right?!"  
His smile almost seemed real.  
"Yes, yes. I've just had a revelation. I can't possibly stay in bed."  
His eyes glittered with…something, and even though he was smiling, I could feel the fingers of dread begin to poke at the base of my spine.  
"Well? Will you listen to my idea?"  
It didn't really seem like a question, but I nodded anyway.  
"You're a demon…"  
The words were sudden and unexpected.  
"And as a demon, you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than a human. Demonic superiority was displayed quite clearly by those demons who attacked us just the other night."  
"What are you trying to say?"  
"A demon possesses immense power. It follows that the blood which flows through demon veins should be similarly powerful. Perhaps it is even potent enough to completely counteract the madness of the furies."  
I didn't know how the Water of Life worked, but Sanan's explanation seemed logical, even if it was a bit…manic.  
"How can you know that for sure?"  
"Since before I became a fury, I've been researching how the Water of Life works. I know more about it than anyone else here. How could I be wrong, then? In any event, I believe it's worth testing."  
He turned to me with another smile, this one more creepy.  
"If I am correct… Oh, it would be wonderful! Your very existence could save the Fury Corps! ...No, the entire Shinsengumi!"  
"Wait…"  
Sanan's eyes had grown painfully sharp, and I almost thought I could hear the barest edge of madness to his voice.  
"Now…"  
Calmly and purposefully, he drew his sword from its scabbard. There was no madness or bloodlust to his movements, and that only made them all the more terrifying.  
"Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to kill you or anything. I just want a small sample of your blood. That's all…"  
I took a step back…two…  
Sanan and his sword came closer.  
He lifted it, and the steel blade shimmered in the light. I closed my eyes.  
Suddenly the door slid open again.  
"What is this, Sanan?"  
"Oh, Hijikata. Excellent timing. Please, give me a hand here."  
"Hi-Hijikata…"  
Hijikata walked slowly toward us, his hand drifting near the hilt of his sword.  
With cam purpose, he stepped between Sanan and I.  
"What are you doing? This could be a great breakthrough for the Shinsengumi."  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him.  
"This is the last time, Sanan. What are you doing?"  
"I'm searching for a way to treat the madness of the furies. For the good of the Shinsengumi."  
Hijikata glanced at me then turned back to his friend.  
"And that means you have to cut her?"  
"I'm not going to kill her. I only need a little of her blood."  
The room was thick with tension, but I sensed no hatred from either Sanan or Hijikata.  
"…We've lost so many of the furies. Many of our human soldiers have fallen as well. If we are to effectively utilize the furies we have left, as well as the ones we are about to create, then we must find a way to temper their madness. If we abandon the furies and what they offer, then future battles will only become more difficult. More of our men will die. Everything I do, I do for the Shinsengumi. I know you for an intelligent man, Hijikata. Surely you understand. And yet you won't allow Yukimura to share her blood?"  
"That's not what I mean."  
Sanan blinked at him.  
"Oh?"  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him.  
"Sanan, you are a colonel of the Shinsengumi. Are you really ready to break the Code? The Code says we don't fight each other, for any reason. You haven't forgotten, have you?"  
"Ah, of course."  
Sanan glanced at me.  
"However, Yukimura is not, technically, a member of the Shinsengumi."  
Hijikata just about growled at him.  
"Maybe not, but she's been here long enough. She might as well be."  
Sanan put away his sword and sighed.  
"…Then I have no choice."  
Hijikata watched him closely, his own hand still near his sword.  
Sanan smiled again.  
"I'll leave for now, then, but please consider what I've said."  
Hijikata's expression softened a bit.  
"Sure, but it won't change anything. Why should we cut her open and take her blood? Besides, even if I change my mind, Knodou will never let you do it."  
Sanan sighed and his shoulders slumped.  
"It's an easy decision for you and Kondou to make. You don't have the same…investment in this. Heisuke's a fury now too, though. This will effect him as well. So I encourage you to consider what's best for your friends when you make your decision."  
Those final words cut like a knife, deeper than anything he'd said before.  
Hijikata narrowed his eyes again.  
"Can I say something?"  
His voice was strained, as if he were pulling it up from somewhere deep within his soul.  
"Of course."  
"Your reasoning is correct. I always has been. But… Sanan, tell me you aren't doing this because the bloodlust has taken your mind. Tell me that some sick desire to taste her blood isn't what's driving you to this. Can I trust you?"  
Sanan gave a kind smile.  
"…Of course. My only concern is for the Shinsengumi."  
He turned to me.  
"Goodbye then, Yukimura. We'll talk again…"  
He then ducked out of the room.  
"*Sigh*"  
Only after I'd heard his footsteps fade away down the hall did I begin to breath again.  
Hijikata turned to me with a more gentle look on his face.  
"Hrm. …You okay?"  
I saw him relax, almost imperceptibly. The bowstring-tight tension of a moment before was gone.  
…Or at least mostly gone.  
He gave me a sad smile.  
"Sorry about that."  
"No, thank you for helping me."  
"Nothing to thank me for."  
"But…"  
There was something I wanted to say to him; a question that had been on my mind for a while. For a moment, I thought perhaps now was the time to ask, but…  
No. I shut my mouth.  
Hijikata gave me a puzzled look.  
"What?"  
"Uh, um…"  
Perhaps I was simply afraid of what his answer would be.  
Perhaps after hearing my question, he would no longer allow me to stay with the Shinsengumi…  
No, I couldn't stay with them forever. Nothing good would come of avoiding the issue. Best I simply face it.  
Still, I was afraid to ask.  
"I don't have all day. If you have something to say, say it."  
I'd already drawn his attention, and apparently his ire. There was no point to backing out now.  
"Um, why do you keep…protecting me like this?"  
"Weren't you listening? That wasn't about you. It was about Sanan, and the Code. Besides, it's not like he was actually trying to kill you. At worst, I saved you from a scratch."  
"No, I don't mean just now… I mean all the other times. When Kazama attacked us, everyone in the Shinsengumi put their lives on the line, for me! All he wanted was me. You could have just given me up, and he would have left you alone."  
He turned to me, though he didn't appear to be angry.  
"Kazama works for our enemies. That makes him our enemy. What sort of warrior doesn't fight his enemies?"  
I had to admit, that did seem…reasonable.  
He then gave me one of his you're-being-silly smiles.  
"Besides, you're Kodo's kid. If we want to find him, we need you. Didn't we talk about this when you go here?"  
"Yes, but that was a long time ago. Things have changed. I don't think finding my father is going to be enough to resolve this situation anymore."  
Now he was giving me his just-be-quiet look.  
"Look, we said we'd protect you, so we will. A samurai doesn't go back on his word. A man who breaks a promise just because something's changed isn't a man."  
Even I knew that he was only using my father as an excuse, but I had a feeling that if I pointed that out directly he'd get angry.  
Still, that he would make excuses like this, and let me stay, and keep me safe… It could only mean that Hijikata and the Shinsengumi had finally accepted me.  
That thought was like a ray of light, pushing away the doubt I'd felt only moments before.  
...But I needed to be careful not to get carried away.

"All right, why'd you go quiet?"  
If they had accepted me, then I wanted to help. I wanted to do…something.  
Then again, what could I possibly do? I couldn't fight, I didn't have any special knowledge, aside from a little second-hand medicine…  
I was more of a burden than an asset, if I was honest with myself.  
What was I going to do?  
"Um…"  
He turned to me impatiently.  
"What? Is there something else?"  
"I want to help. Please, if there's anything, anything at all I can do…"  
Now he looked angry.  
"Help?"  
I gulped.  
"Um…"  
Oh no. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He really didn't look very happy.  
"Um, because, ah…"  
Was he really mad…?  
I was starting to very much regret speaking up, so much so that I began to wish Sanan would come back, just to give Hijikata someone else to glare at.  
…No, that would have been bad, too.  
But what was I going to do? Give up?  
No, I'd come to far. If I backed down, then nothing would change. I couldn't be one of them if I just let them protect me all the time.  
"Please. I just want to be useful. I'll do anything."  
Hijikata sighed in irritation.

"…"  
The silence stretched out so long I thought I was going to scream.  
"…I suppose you would be more discreet than one of our boys."  
He spoke to himself, barely loud enough for me to hear.  
"Hijikata…?"  
"Brush and paper."  
"Huh?"  
He scowled at me.  
"Bring me a brush and some paper. You do have that in here, don't you? Hurry."  
Y-Yes! Right away!"  
I scrambled across the room, grabbed a brush and paper, and handed them to Hijikata.  
He took them silently, still scowling and quickly began to draw.  
…A map?  
"What is that?"  
He ignored me, and continued drawing.  
"…You know Saito is at Tenma guarding Miura, right?"  
"Yes."  
"I want you to take him something. Will you do that?"  
"Do you think I can?"  
He smiled.  
"Yes. One of our boys would stand out too much. You're the best option I've got right now. Can I trust you with this?"  
"Yes! Of course! ...Uh, sir!"  
I was thrilled to help of course, but I was even more ecstatic to be given a task specially suited to me.  
"There. I drew you a map. Keep to this and you shouldn't get lost."  
"Right. Thank you!"  
The map was pretty straightforward, but I still barely knew my way around Kyoto. Without it, I likely would have gotten lost.  
"All right, I'm going!"  
I turned to leave, and only a concerted effort kept me from skipping to the door.  
"Hold on, genius. Hard to deliver a message if you don't have one."  
"O-Oh…"  
Hijikata sighed.  
"You're making me nervous, kid. You sure you can do this?"  
"Y-Yes! Of course! I'll do a great job!"  
"…Here's a letter for Saito. Make sure you don't drop it, or…lose it somehow."  
"Yes, I'll be very careful. Is there anything you want me to tell him?"  
"Everything I have to say is in that letter."  
"Understood. Then I'm off!"  
This time I wasn't able to fully subdue the urge to skip.  
"…And there she goes… Hey! Yamazaki! Shimada!"  
"Yes, sir."  
"Did you call?"  
"I sent Chizuru to take Saito a letter. keep an eye on her, but don't let her see you. If anything happens, make sure she's okay."  
"Understood."  
"Hopefully if something does happen it'll just be some idiots trying to get to Miura or something… There's some pretty dangerous guys after her, though. if the demons show up, just get her back here immediately. I don't care if you have to carry her like a sack of rice. Just make sure all three of you come back."  
"Yes, sir. We're off."  
"Yeah, get going."

…  
I stuffed the letter into my shirt, double-checked to make sure it wouldn't fall out, and then opened up the map.  
"This is my chance. I have to do a good job!"  
I looked down at the map and started moving forward.  
"According to this map… It looks like I have a ways to go. I'd better hurry, or it's going to be evening by the time I get there. I should run!"  
Even without the desire to arrive before evening, I likely would have run anyway: I was far too excited to walk!

…  
Thanks to Hijikata's map, I found my way to Tenma without incident, although evening had come by the time I arrived.  
I'd been told earlier that Saito had taken a room under the name "Yamaguchi".  
After a short wait, the receptionist directed me to his room.  
"Um, Sai-...Yamaguchi. Sorry to bother you."  
His eyes widened upon seeing me.  
"Oh. You."  
One of his eyebrows shifted up fractionally in response to my presence.  
Although he'd likely been expecting the letter, I was somewhat less predictable, having only been assigned the task earlier that day.  
"I'm sorry you got someone as inexperienced as me."  
His expression softened immediately.  
"No, you misunderstand. I was only surprised. I expected to receive new orders soon, but I didn't think you'd be the one to deliver them."  
"R-Right. Well, I asked if there was anything I could do to help, and… This was it."  
He smiled and closed his eyes.  
"Hm. Well, I can see his thinking. It's a good plan. One of our regulars would have drawn undue attention to this location."  
He opened his eyes and held my gaze again.  
"The captains are too recognizable and too valuable. New members might not be noticed, but how can we know where their true loyalties lie?"  
He smiled again.  
"You, on the other hand, can move unnoticed, and your loyalty is beyond question. Hijikata made an excellent choice."  
"O-Oh… Thank you."  
There was something very pleasant about being told I was trustworthy.  
"The letter."  
I blinked.  
"Oh, of course…"  
I pulled out the letter and handed it over.  
He tore it open and read it over quickly, then lit it on a nearby lantern and watched patiently until it was nothing more than ash.  
"Um...Saito?"  
"Yamaguchi."  
"R-Right. Um…are you sure it was okay to…burn it?"  
"I've read it. I know what it says. Why should I leave it intact to be intercepted?"  
"Oh. Of course…"  
He smiled at me a third time.  
"Thank you for delivering this letter. Good work."  
"Oh, well, just doing my job! No need for thanks."  
I clearly hadn't done anything very impressive-anyone could have done it-but it did feel nice to be thanked.  
After all, I had done just what was asked of me, and I hadn't messed anything up. I was rather proud of myself.  
Now that the job was done, though, I wasn't sure what I should do next…  
It occurred to me that Hijikata had hardly been in a sunny mood when he'd given me the letter. If I dawdled after delivering it, that mood was extremely unlikely to improve.  
"All right, I'm heading back. This took a bit longer than I'd expected, so I need to hurry."  
"Of course. Be careful."  
He looked so lonely though that I almost changed my mind and stayed.

…  
"*Pant* *Pant* *Pant*"  
I went back the same way I'd come, but by the time I returned to the Shinsengumi compound, the sun had set completely.  
I hoped I wasn't too late.  
Hopefully Hijikata wouldn't be too mad…  
"I'm back."  
"Oh… come in."  
"Right…"  
The moment I stepped through the door, I could tell he was in a foul mood. The very air was heavy with it.  
"Um, sorry…"  
He whipped around and glared at me.  
"What, did you lose the letter? Or did you not even make it there? You got lost…I knew it."  
"No, of course not! I got there just fine, and I gave Saito the letter."  
He pursed his lips clearly trying to hid that he felt bad for the accusations.  
"Good. Then why did you apologize just now?"  
"Oh… Well, you looked really upset. I thought you were mad that I'd taken so long."  
"*Sigh*"  
As he sighed, I saw the tension in his shoulders ease just a little bit.  
"No, I'm not mad at you."  
"Oh. Really?"  
"It may surprise you to learn that I have many other things to think about besides you."  
I blushed slightly.  
"Yes. Right. Did…something bad happen?"  
"Yeah. A lot of bad things. You know we've been having some trouble within the Shinsengumi, but things are starting to get dicey with the people up above us, too. You're practically one of us, so I might as well tell you. There're rumblings that something might happen to the shogunate. If the shogunate's position changes, then so does Aizu's position in Kyoto…and eventually that trickles down to us."  
"What's going to happen?"  
He gave me a sad smile.  
"Well, unfortunately we won't know until it does. Course, it's not like me worrying about it is going to do anyone any good. I can make some educated guesses, and prepare the Shinsengumi for some things, but…"  
Perhaps it was because he'd never been so open with me before, but I'd never thought about just how much Hijikata did for the Shinsengumi.  
The Shinsengumi's fate was his fate, and his decisions could steer it to glory or destruction.  
It was an unimaginably heavy burden to someone like me.  
"Um… Is there anything else I can do to help?"  
"What, running off to Tenma wasn't enough for you?"  
"If you-no, if the Shinsengumi is in a rough spot, then… Please, I just want to help! I want to be useful!"  
His scowl deepened, but he said nothing.  
"Please, Hijikata."  
I bowed down until all I could see was the floor.  
"Please, I'm begging you…"  
I bent down as far as I could. He had to.  
"*Sigh* Damn."  
I heard him move, and felt something touch my chin.  
I opened my eyes to see his fingers under my chin, warm and dry. He lifted my face up until I was looking strait into his eyes.  
He was so close that I could feel his breath.  
"You say you want to help."  
"Yes."  
"Do you think it's wrong for you to think that?"  
"…No."  
"Do you want this for selfish reasons?"  
"No… I mean, it's not like I want to make a name for myself, or something like that. You've all risked your lives to protect me, over and over. I just want to give you something back…"  
"…Then don't bow so easily. You believe you're right. Why should you bow if you think you're right?"  
"Y-Yes…"  
"If you believe something, then don't ever bow or yield. Hold your head high and walk tall. You won't win if you don't keep your eyes on the prize."  
"Yes."  
I looked back at him with all the composure I could muster.  
"I want to help. If there's anything I can do, please, let me do it."  
"Fine."  
He gave me a quick smile, and returned to where he'd been sitting when I came in.  
"If you want to help so much, go make me some tea."  
"Yes!"  
He smiled slyly.  
"The fate of the Shinsengumi rests on this tea. Don't screw it up."  
"Yes, sir! Leave it to me!"  
Unable to hide my smile, I leapt up and bounded out of the room.  
Just before I was out of earshot, I heard Hijikata mumble to himself…  
"What's going to happen to us now…"

…  
The Shinsengumi, once solid, now wavered.  
What would happen to them? What would happen to the Fury Corps?  
Men were forced to watch as their friends became the undead monsters known as furies… Was it any wonder that they found themselves conflicted, or that tempers began to rise?  
Several days later, the order was given to begin the Imperial Restoration.  
The emperor would be restored to power, and his court would once again rule the nation.  
The position of the shogun would be abolished, and Kyoto's military and Judiciary Commissioner positions would be eliminated.  
All that the Shinsengumi had fought for and believed in was falling to pieces.


	14. Chapter 4

_Here we are... The final chapter before __**his**__ story truly begins... Well I hope you have all enjoyed it so far...cause this is where it starts to get real interesting ^o^_

* * *

CHAPTER 4

December 1867

With the new year just around the corner, the Satsuma-Choshu Alliance formed an army and marched on the capital.  
In response, the Shinsengumi moved to the Fushimi magistrate's office and began to prepare for war.

…  
"Hey! Bad news, guys! The chief's been attacked!"  
There had been no witnesses, and the culprit had escaped unseen. Their motives could only be guessed at.

…  
"We still haven't figured out who attacked the chief?"  
"I'll bet you anything it's those bastards from that Satsuma-Choshu Alliance!"  
I was becoming very worried.

Ever since the attack on Kondou, the atmosphere at the Fushimi magistrate's office had been tense to say the least. I felt it increase as I stepped into the meeting room, carrying tea for the captains.  
"Here's you tea…"  
Harada was the only one who looked up.  
"Oh, thanks. Could you just leave it here?"  
I seemed to have walked in on a very serious discussion. All around the room were tense, drawn faces.  
Nagakura glanced at Hijikata.  
"So what's your plan? The Satsuma-Choshu Alliance wants power in the court, but they're also looking to have the emperor grant them all of the shogunate's assets and holdings. There's no other way to look at it: They're trying to start a war. We'd be smart to start preparing for one."  
There was an odd lack of emotion in Hijikata's eyes.  
"You have a point. They've been sucking up to the emperor, and they come and go at the palace like they own the place."  
He closed his eyes.  
"Wasn't it just the other day that they were declared enemies of the court, and not even allowed in Kyoto?"  
He turned to the rest of us.  
"Now, so far as preparing for war…"  
Hijikata's eyes darted from man to man, across the room, looking for someone to speak up.  
It was Shimada who answered his plea.  
"Sanan has been pushing hard to augment the Fury Corps."  
Harada glared at him.  
"I'm against that. This is war, not subduing the odd ronin. There are going to be enemies and allies everywhere in battle. I don't think we'll be able to control them. They're powerful, but it's too risky."  
Nagakura nodded.  
"Agreed. Besides, it's inhumane."  
Saito glanced at Shimada then turned to Shinpachi and Sano.  
"Then what do you suggest? If you wish to disapprove, you should offer an alternate path."  
"We're working on that," snapped Nagakura. "If it was so easy to come up with a solution, you really think we'd be in this mess?"  
He shot Saito a glare.  
Shimada turned to Hijikata.  
"What's your take on this, Commander?"  
Hijikata furrowed his brow and frowned.  
"…Let me think about it. We need to see what the Satsuma and Choshu are going to do, and we have to consider what the shogunate wants."

Kondou's injury had put everyone on edge, even without a war inching closer, day by day.  
I wondered how Heisuke and Sanan felt about what was coming, now that they were furies.  
The Fury Corps was only active after I went to sleep, so I never got to see them.

…  
When I couldn't fall asleep that night, I decided to go visit Okita, who was still trying to recover from his illness.  
"Good evening, Okita. How are you feeling?"  
I arrived to find Heisuke had also come to visit Okita, to pass the time.  
He blinked and looked up at me.  
"Oh, hey Chizuru. What're you doing up so late?"  
He gave me a silly grin.  
"People might get the wrong idea if they see a girl visiting a man's room in the middle of the night."  
I smiled back.  
"Oh Heisuke… You're smarter than that. You know Okita and I aren't…you know."  
He looked away.  
"Yeah, I guess you have a point. That's not really your sort of thing, is it?"  
I blinked and then narrowed my eyes.  
"Hey… What do you mean?"  
His eyes took on a sly look.  
"What do you mean, 'what do you mean'? C'mon…"  
He chuckled, and tossed Okita what seemed to have been intended as a knowing grin, but the older man was far too annoyed to notice.  
Okita flicked his annoyed eyes to me.  
"So why're you here? I assume you've got a reason for visiting me in the middle of the night."  
"Oh...Um…"  
His tone stole away some of my determination, but I pushed ahead anyway.  
"Do you guys know that, um, Sanan wants to augment the Fury Corps?"  
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Heisuke's face clouded over.  
"Yeah, of course."  
Okita was a little more forthcoming.  
"Well, if you were in Sanan's position, wouldn't you do the same thing?"  
He suddenly looked frustrated.  
"If I wasn't like…like this, I'd pick up my sword right now and go get revenge for Kondou."

Okita's bedrest was clearly rankling him. After all, he'd known Kondou for a long time-since they'd met in Edo, long before the beginning of the Shinsengumi.  
"What do you think, Heisuke?"  
He frowned.  
"M-Me…? Well, I…hm… I did decide to drink the Water of Life, but… I'm not gonna lie, I was worried about what would happen to me. …Sanan says we should have more men in the Fury Corps. He says we'll never win, otherwise."  
"Oh…"  
He was so unlike the Heisuke I remembered, so stern and cold, that couldn't help but feel sad as well.  
Okita glanced at me and folded his arms.  
"Well, no matter what Sanan says, at the end of the day it's going to be Hijikata who makes the call."  
Heisuke sighed.  
"You're right, but the Fury Corps already exists. We can't pretend it doesn't."  
Okita smiled.  
"Then maybe Sanan's right, and we should use the Fury Corps however we see fit. …At least they can still wield swords."  
His last words were cold, hateful, and filled with self-derision.  
Perhaps we could use the furies as a weapon. They might help us to win the coming war. Their strength would be an undeniable military asset.  
But once the war was over… What would become of them?  
I was afraid to ask that question, because I feared I already knew the answer.

…  
The next day, an unexpected visitor arrived.  
"Oh!"  
"Hello, Chizuru. It's been far too long."  
"Sen…? Kimigiku? Why are you here?"  
It was Kimigiku who answered.  
"We've business with the Chief. Can you go get him for us?"  
"Oh… Kondou isn't in good enough shape to speak to anyone. Perhaps Hijikata…"  
Sen smiled.  
"Then Hijikata will serve admirably."  
"All right. Please, come inside."

…  
"…Huh. We don't usually allow visitors in here. What do you want?"  
Sen frowned.  
"My apologies for intruding, but it was imperative that I speak with you today."  
"Um, I'll go make some tea…"  
But just as I was about to leave…  
"No thank you, but that's not necessary. I shall take my leave as soon as I am finished. And in fact, I would prefer you stay. You may wish to hear this as well."  
"O-Okay…"  
What did she have to say that was so important, and that might be something I should hear?  
I sat down in a corner, and did my best to pay attention.  
"I have come to discuss your 'furies'."

When Hijikata'd heard the word "furies", I saw his face twitch.  
"I will get straight to the point. How much longer will you employ them?"  
"What do you mean?"  
Sen frowned.  
"You've kept them enslaved for quite some time. I believe you know exactly what I mean. The furies are a failed experiment. Even the shogunate has admitted to that."  
She narrowed her eyes.  
"They are to much for your organization to deal with. With demon on your trail, you would do well to wash your hands of furies."  
Hijikata's frown deepened.  
"Isn't it up to us to decide whether they're a failure or not? We've done our own research on the Water of Life. I don't think it's your place to judge us. Ma'am."  
He narrowed his eyes at Sen, and they glittered like spear points, but she seemed unconcerned.  
It was Kimigiku who spoke up.  
"Then are you aware that the Shinsengumi's furies have been murdering people on the street to test their strength?"  
Hijikata's eyes flicked to her and widened.  
"What?"  
For a split second, his cold mask dropped, and I saw genuine confusion and dismay on his face.  
Then it was gone, and he was cold and composed once again.  
"Where did you hear that?"  
"I've no reason to tell you, but rest assured that it was from a reliable sourse. You have not been able to keep the Water of Life from driving your men mad. Your job is to protect the safety of the capital, correct? And yet you men roam the streets, killing innocent civilians. It disgust me. Before this becomes common knowledge, I strongly suggest you disband the Fury Corps."

Kimigiku's logic was sound. Hijikata had no counter-argument.  
Everyone in the room had fallen silent.  
But…was it true? Were the furies indeed cutting people down in the street for the thrill of killing?  
If the Fury Corps was disbanded, then Sanan and Heisuke would…  
Every one of us waited for Hijikata's answer with bated breath.  
My heart roared in my ears.  
But it was Sen who broke the silence.  
"…I suppose we can table this for the moment. There is something else I must discuss."  
With this, she turned and looked at me.  
"Chizuru, will you please leave with us?"  
"What…?"  
Hadn't we already covered this the last time she came to visit?  
"I know we spoke before, but the situation has changed. You do understand that, don't you?"  
"Soon war will break out in Kyoto," said Kimigiku. "If you are going to escape, this is your chance."  
I knew was was coming, but to hear the truth presented so baldly was…jarring.  
"I don't believe the Shinsengumi will be able to protect you," said Sen, "once the war begins. Please, come with us."  
Hijikata clearly found this insulting.  
"Wait a minute. Are you suggesting we can't handle it?"  
"The truth is sometimes hard to accept. If Kazama returns, can you protect her from him? What if he comes to call while you are locked in a battle elsewhere against the Satsuma and Choshu? Will you be able to protect her then?"  
Hijikata scowled but said nothing.  
Sen's expression softened.  
"And in any event, she is a demon, not a human. She should be with her own kind. We can protect her."  
She turned from Hijikata to face me once again.  
"You see? You should come with us. If you leave, then they can concentrate wholly on the battles to come."  
"Um…"  
Her words hit like blows, but she spoke the truth.  
War would soon break out, and perhaps remaining with the Shinsengumi would be dangerous for me and for them.  
I would be useless in was: I was no soldier.  
Even so…I wanted to stay.

I looked over at Hijikata, hoping he might give me an answer.

He only furrowed his brow and looked the other way, saying nothing.  
What was I to do?  
I was sure Sen was right, and I should leave, but…  
The words just couldn't come.  
In truth, I didn't want to leave. I hoped that maybe some day, all of the maddeness and war would end, and then I could be a human being…not a demon.  
"What do you say?" asked Sen, on the verge of impatient. "You really ought to leave. You'll much safer with us…"

Her voice was kind, and I knew she had only my vest interests at heart, but I still couldn't bring myself to respond.  
Hijikata, of course, saw straight through me.  
"…You don't want to leave, do you?"  
"Huh? Um…"  
"Then stay. What's there to think about?"  
I blinked and looked up to find him smiling at me.  
"B-But…is that really okay?"  
If Kazama came after me again…  
He scowled at me.  
"I'm not going to repeat myself. …Or are you suggesting the Shinsengumi can't handle this?"  
"No! No, of course not! It's just…if I stay here, and I cause trouble for you guys, then…"  
"Well, what proof do you have that these two can keep you a secret any better than we can? Even if he wasn't after you, that bastard'd be an enemy of ours. If we've got the same enemies, makes sense to me that we'd stick together."  
He was gruff as ever, but it wasn't hard to understand what he was trying to say…  
"So…I can stay?"  
His expression softened.  
"What the hell kind of question is that? If you were as much of a pain in the ass as you seem to think, I would've kicked you out a long time ago."  
Relief flooded out across my body.  
"Th-Thank you so much!"  
With war set to break out at any time, the Shinsengumi was changing. I didn't know how useful I could be to them once battle was joined, but even so, Hijikata had told me it was okay to stay.

…  
"*Sigh* So, you've turned me down again then, have you?"  
Sen looked at me with a slightly sad smile as I walked her and Kimigiku out of the meeting room.  
"…I'm sorry. It was very vice of you to offer, though…"  
"Oh, it's all right. If you're so determined to stay, then what could I ever hope to do?"  
She paused and seemed to be checking if Kimigiku was listening.  
"…There was one other tiny little thing I wanted to ask you. When you told me before that you were, ah, interested in someone, did you perchance mean Hijikata?"  
"What? Um…"  
I wasn't quite sure how to answer that question.  
"Um…uh… Well, to be honest, I don't really know Hijikata that well, but…"  
I stumbled over my words, not quite sure how to explain to her how I felt, perhaps because I wasn't quite sure myself.  
"The men call him the Demon, because he's so strict and harsh with the soldiers. A lot of people think that he doesn't care about anyone, and that he's cold, but I think he has a kind heart in there. He has a lot of responsibilities, and the whole Shinsengumi rides on his back. i don't think he has any choice but to act like that… I don't know what I can do for him, but i want to stay here and do whatever I can."  
Sen had been nodding encouragingly and making "hm"s of agreement, but now she suddenly burst out laughing.  
"Well, I daresay he has captured you quite thoroughly."  
"…What?"  
"They say that my ancestor, Suszuka Gozen, fell in love with a human by the name of Tamuramaro Sakanoue, and followed him to the capital. …I am, in fact, their granddaughter. So I suppose I know something of how you feel. Circumstance and rank mean little before the power of love."  
"What? Wait, wha?! L-L-Love? I…I didn't…! I never meant-!"  
She only rested her hand on my shoulder and continued.  
"You may be two different creatures-human and demon-but do not think that means your love is doomed to failure. Best of luck to you, Chizuru. I shall be cheering for you!"  
"…My lady, we should go."  
"Oh. Yes, yes, you're right. Then I must take my leave, dear Chizuru. Do take care. You mustn't underestimate Kazama. He is terribly powerful."  
"A-All right. Thank you. Goodbye…"  
In mere moments, they were gone.  
Circumstance and rank mean little before the power of love…  
But was this thing I felt; the desire to be close to Hijikata… Was it really love?  
I just wanted to be around him, and help him…  
Besides, the most important thing to Hijikata was the Shinsengumi. He'd built it up from nothing, and put everything he was into it.  
With war against Satsuma and Choshu brewing, he hadn't the time to think of anything else.  
That being the case, as someone under the care of the Shinsengumi, I needed to think of how I could best put my own skills to use.

…  
Just before the beginning of the new year, Okita's condition worsened. It was determined that he had contracted pulmonary tuberculosis.  
It was not an uncommon disease, but it was incurable.  
I'd suspected that he might be seriously ill when he began to lose his strength, but I'd never guessed that tuberculosis was the cause.  
The entire Shinsengumi was shocked and saddened by the news.

…  
Kyoto was still on high alert.  
The Shinsengumi remained on standby at the Fushimi magistrate's office through the year-end celebrations.  
My hope that tempers would calm and the threat of war would fade lasted until three days after the new year.  
A dispute arose between the Satsuma Domain and a group of shogunate troops attempting to enter Kyoto. Violence broke out, and suddenly, war was upon us.  
The shogunate army in Kyoto numbered roughly 15,000 men, while the Satsuma-Choshu Alliance commanded only 5,000.  
Victory for the shogun should have been a forgone conclusion.  
The Satsuma and Choshu, however, had bet their very livelihoods on this war, and determination and morale were high.  
Perhaps more importantly, the Satsuma had faced the British in battle, and the Choshu had faced the British, French, and Dutch. Both domains had learned modern Western tactics.  
Armed only with swords against the Satsuma and Choshu's rifles, the Shinsengumi were at a tremendous disadvantage.  
During the war, the Fushimi magistrate's office was set on fire, and the Shinsengumi had no choice but to retreat from Kyoto.

…  
"*Pant* *Pant* *Pant*"  
Inoue glanced at me in concern as we rushed through the city.  
"Are you all right? Perhaps you should rest."  
"N-No, I'm fine. We can't afford to stop. I'll be all right."  
I wiped the sweat from my brow, took a deep breath, and forced my throbbing feet to move.  
We were on our way to Yodo Castle, under orders from Hijikata.  
The Shinsengumi was doing poorly, so we'd been dispatched to bring reinforcements.  
"Do they really think the people at Yodo will help us out?"  
Inoue gave me a somewhat grim smile.  
"They have to. We need the help. …And so does Hijikata. He can't lose. I never want to see him like that again…"

I remembered the battle at Fushimi all too clearly…

flashback

On the evening of the third day of the new year, the war began. Cannons pounded the Fushimi magistrate's office, and the ground shook with each impact.  
"Hijikata!" shouted Harada over the explosions. "We can't take any more of this! That cannon up on the hill is tearing us apart!"  
He closed his eyes in frustration.  
"If we try and go up there, their guns will mow us down before we even get close."  
Saito seemed to agree.  
"Their rifles have impressive range, and the gunners are skilled. One out of every two shots find its mark, despite the distance."  
Harada glanced around the room. His face paled slightly.  
"Where's Shinpachi? I can't find him."  
Hijikata glanced at him.  
"He took fifteen men from the 2nd Division to attack the enemy line."  
Harada stared at him in shock.  
"Attack the enemy line?! Is he insane?! He's gonna die out there!"  
Hijikata said nothing, seeming suddenly sick.  
I could see muscles working in his jaw. His face was pale, although whether from fear of tension I couldn't tell.  
Outside, the roar of the cannons continued unabated.  
Just when it seemed certain that Nagakura must have perished-  
"Hey guys! I'm back!"  
"Shinpachi!" shouted Hijikata.  
Cries of surprise filled the room.  
Hijikata seemed to be debating whether or not Nagakura was a ghost.  
"Y-You're alive?!"  
Nagakura smirked at him.  
"What, do I look like a ghost? Go ahead and touch me if you don't believe it."  
He grinned as he wiped a thick smear of blood and dirt from his face.  
"Anyway… It's impossible to bet to the enemy line. Some Aizu guys went on ahead of us, but they got pushed back too."  
"…Commander," said Shimada, "There's nothing else we can do. Please, order the retreat."

Hijikata's brow furrowed, and he scowled furiously.  
"Whoa…" started Harada. "What's this? Where's this smoke coming from…?"  
Nagakura narrowed his eyes in anger.  
"The cannon must've set the building on fire! We need to get out of here or we're dead! Hijikata, we have to retreat!"  
Even Nagakura's plea seemed to fall on deaf ears.  
Inoue frowned at his commander.  
"Toshi…"  
Until this moment, the Shinsengumi had never known defeat in battle, but they were helpless against the firearms of the Satsuma and Choshu.  
The Shinsengumi was Hijikata's life. Defeat was…hard to accept.  
After what seemed like an eternity, he let out a long, ragged sigh.  
"…I guess this is the end. Nobody can win a war with swords and spears anymore."  
His knuckles turned white.  
There were several more minutes of tense, breathless silence before he finally looked up, his eyes burning with fury.  
"We're pulling back. But we haven't lost. They'll pay for this."  
Fury wasn't the only thing in those eyes: Behind them I could see a bitter, desperate agony.

end flashback

"I've been with him for a long time," said Inoue, "I know how hard it was for the man to admit we had to retreat."  
He gazed up at the sky.  
"One loss is enough. I'm not nearly as good a swordsman as Kondou-"  
"What?! No, don't say-"  
He interrupted me with a kind smile and continued.  
"…But there are still ways for me to be of use to the Shinsengumi. So let's keep our hopes up, shall we?"  
"Okay…"  
The Shinsengumi, and Kondou and Hijikata, needed my help. I had to do whatever I could.  
It took us several hours to reach Yodo Castle.  
Hijikata's hope was to use the castle as a new staging area where he could garrison our troops and launch ambushes from. Unfortunately…  
"That's weird. Why are the gates closed? Do you think they're already preparing for battle?"  
There were no guards outside the castle or indeed anywhere we could see. It was uncomfortably quiet.  
Inoue's current expression was one of grim intensity.  
"No…"  
He stood for a moment, absently rubbing his chin in thought, before finally making a decision.  
"We are here on the orders of the shogun! We have come to request your help in battle against the rebels who would dare challenge this country's rightful rulers!"  
His voice echoes out through the stillness, but no one responded.  
I had almost begun to think the castle was simply abandoned, when-  
"Oh, look! There's someone in that window! Huh? They've got something shiny-"  
"Get down!"  
"Huh?"  
Inoue grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down just as gunshots echoed from the castle walls.  
My eyes darted around, but there were no rebels nearby. That meant that the bullets were meant for us.  
"W-What's going on?! I thought the Yodo were friendly!"  
Inoue gave a heavy sigh.  
"Either they've already been overrun by the rebels, of they don't want to ally with the side they think is going to lose. We need to get back to the men. It's dangerous to stay here."  
"B-But Hijikata told us to get reinforcements from Yodo!"  
Inoue only shook his head.  
"It's clear by now that they're no longer our allies. The longer we stay here, the more danger I put you in."  
"But if we leave, then what's going to happen to Hijikata? What's going to happen to the Shinsengumi?! L-Let's just try to talk to them! If we explain what's going on, I'm sure they'll understand!"  
I'd never seen Inoue glare at me before.  
"That is enough! I want to go back to Toshi with reinforcements as much as you do!"  
I felt myself wilt under his anger.  
"But my job here was twofold: To ask for reinforcements, and to protect you."  
His glare lessened slightly.  
"If something happens to you now, then I will have failed him twice. Now come on."

There was nothing I could say.  
Inoue had fought alongside Hijikata since their first days in Edo, before the Shinsengumi.  
He had undoubtedly felt even more devastated by Yodo's betrayal than I had, but he had still chosen to retreat so that he may protect me.  
Never before had I felt so ashamed and so helpless.  
There was nothing I could do.

…  
"I'm sorry… I…I'm useless… I failed…"  
Tears welled up in my eyes and I brushed them away roughly.  
Inoue gave me a kind smile I didn't feel I deserved.  
"Don't worry about it. After all, this is Toshi we're talking about. I'm sure he'll come up with some amazing plan and turn this whole thing around."  
He laid his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.  
I focused on the warmth of his hand, and felt myself begin to calm down.  
"…Your hand is warm… It reminds me of when my father used to pat me on the head when I was a little girl."  
Inoue's face wrinkled as he laughed.  
"Ha ha ha… Father, huh? I guess if I'd had a daughter, she would be your age right about now…"  
I blinked and then frowned.  
"Oh…I'm sorry… Did I say something wrong?"  
He smiled at me and slowly shook his head.  
"Oh no, no. Not at all. I would have been honored to have a daughter like you. Now, we should be going. I'm sure the men we left behind will be worried if we aren't back soon."  
"Okay!"

…  
"What…"  
We were nearly to the location where we'd left the rest of the soldiers, but something felt...wrong.  
"Weren't they supposed to be here? Did we get lost?"  
Inoue shook his head.  
"No, we couldn't have. It should be just up ahead…"  
Then, as we rounded the corner, I noticed something lying on the ground…  
"I-Inoue! There's someone over there!"  
"No…impossible. The rebels couldn't have gotten here already…"  
I looked more closely.  
"He's wearing Shinsengumi blues! Could he…?!"  
Inoue narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice.  
"…Stay quiet. We don't want to give ourselves away."  
I nodded.  
Could the Satsuma-Choshu Alliance already have troops here? If they did, they were hiding them very well; neither Inoue nor I could sense anyone nearby.  
No rebels…but no Shinsengumi either.  
"Ah!" Then we came around another bend in the road and I gasped.  
Warriors in the blue jackets of the Shinsengumi were piled up along the road, dead where they'd fallen.  
And standing in the middle of this carnage…  
"I thought these men looked familiar. You are here."  
Kazama's smile was a cruel, mocking thing.  
"Y-You! Why?!"  
I was so furious I could barely speak.  
"To see what the Yodo Domain had decided to do. It seems following tedious politics has at last paid off. …I never thought I might find you."  
I felt his eyes on me, like those of a snake staring down its prey, before they shifted to take in the dead men that littered the ground around him.  
"I thought they might entertain me until you returned, but they weren't even skilled enough to do that."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Inoue shake with rage.  
Most of the men who lay dead on the ground in front of us were members of his 6th Division.  
And now, because I had chosen to stay with the Shisengumi, Kazama had returned and Inoue's men were dead.  
Kazama had taken their lives, and for what?  
"I was otherwise engaged during our last encounter, Chizuru, but this time, you will be leaving with me."  
"Ah!"  
Kazama had demonic powers that put him in a class above any mortal man.  
Two skilled swordsmen, working in concert, might be able to hold him back, but not defeat him. Inoue and I would not be able to defeat him, nor, I suspected, would he allow us to escape.  
If I surrendered to him, however, then he might let Inoue leave.  
I stepped forward and steeled myself.  
Inoue put a hand out to stop me.  
"Stay back."  
He then moved forward to put himself between me and Kazama.  
I blinked at him.  
"I-Inoue…? What are you doing?"  
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to run for it. Get back to headquarters, and tell Toshi… …Tell him that I apologize for my incompetence, and that I hope he will forgive me for not staying with him to the end. Tell him that I don't have the words to thank him for giving a man like me the chance to be a part of something. I'll never forget what he did for me."  
"No! I can't do that! I won't just leave you here to die!"  
I choked out a sob, and blinked away sudden tears.  
"This man is after me! If I go with him, then you can live! Please!"  
Inoue's smile was bitter.  
"Well, well. Are you suggesting I should use a girl for a shield so that I can escape? How could I call myself a warrior, then? Besides… What parent wouldn't lay down their life to protect their child? No father wants to see his daughter die before he does."  
"But-!"  
Inoue had finished talking, though. He turned his back to me and drew his sword.  
Suddenly I remembered the conversation we'd had on the way back from Yodo Castle.  
He'd told me that he was old enough to have a daughter my age.  
No, cried to myself, that doesn't mean he has to do this! How could he throw his life away?!  
"Please, Inoue! Run!"  
I screamed and pleaded, but his back didn't move.  
"...Finished with your farewells?"  
Kazama smiled.  
"Then I'll give you a chance to take her up on her offer. Go on. Run."  
He let his hand fall from the hilt of his undrawn sword.  
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"  
Inoue launched himself at Kazama, and swung his sword down in a wide arc toward the demon's neck.  
"Heh."  
Kazama's sword slithered ot of its scabbard, too fast for the eye to follow.  
His hand simply blurred, and the tip of his blade emerged from Inoue's back.  
"Arrrrgh!"  
Blood bubbled out between his lips.  
"Inoue!"  
He fell to his knees, the deep red stain rapidly devouring the light blue of his jacket.  
Kazama's eyes flickered like sparks, and he bent down to whisper to Inoue.  
"Is something the matter, human? Aren't the men I just slaughtered your subordinates? Don't you want to take revenge for them? I understood warriors put great stock in avenging the deaths of their comrades-in-arms."  
Inoue glared back at him with white hot rage, and leapt to his feet.  
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaah!"  
He lashed out furiously at the demon, blood splattering onto the ground beneath him.  
"Heh…"  
Kazama simply laughed, and stepped easily around Inoue's swinging sword.  
I didn't even see him strike.  
There was only the momentary flicker of sunlight on a blade, and blood erupted from a gash across Inoue's chest.  
"My apologies, I may have his a little too hard."  
"Gaaah!"  
Inoue ground his teeth, trying desperately to overcome the pain, and turned his strained gaze on to me.  
"What are you doing?! Run!"  
Droplets of blood flew from his mouth as he cried out, and his face was already waxy pale.  
I scrambled to my feet, and turned to leave-  
"My, my… Of all the humans I've fought, you are, by far, the weakest. Why would the Shinsengumi allow someone so pathetic among their ranks, I wonder? Though I suppose they are rather…eccentric."  
I felt something inside me snap.  
"S-Stop! Don't-!"  
As I cried out, I heard the awful sound of steel slicing through flesh.  
Time slowed to a crawl, and I could do nothing but watch as Inoue fell, without a cry, to the ground.  
"I-Inoue… Inoue!"  
Even as part of my mind screamed at me to run, I scrambled toward him, grabbing for his hand.  
It was still warm…  
A warmth like my father…  
But Inoue's eyes no longer saw. His ears no longer heard. He had joined his men among the corpses on the road.  
"Now, this pest is dealt with. There is no one else to save you. Come."  
He flicked his sword clean and slid it back into its scabbard.  
Then he stepped forward, and reached for my hand.  
Inoue had told me to run.  
Hijikata needed to hear his last words, and I was in no position to fight a demon.  
I knew all this, and I could hear a part of my mind screaming at me to run, but the roaring flames of rage drowned it out.  
How could I have let him die to protect me?! Inoue was so kind…  
Just looking at his lifeless body sprawled in the dirt made my heart feel as though it would shatter into a thousand pieces.  
But more than anything, I hated Kazama for killing my friend as if he was nothing more than an irritating insect!  
I grabbed desperately for my Kodachi, and pulled it from its scabbard, bringing it up into an attack position.  
"I thought you were smarter than this… …But I see now your time with the humans has poisoned your mind. You disappoint me."  
"Shut up!"  
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks.  
"Why are you so upset? Does it bother you that I swatted this fly? He was a human, and he was foolish enough to challenge a demon. What other outcome could there have been?"  
"Shut up! Shut...UP!"  
Never in my life had I spoken to someone like that. But never in my life had I so wanted to kill someone.  
If only I had been able to transform my wrath into strength, I would have been the strongest creature alive.  
"You! I can never forgive you for what you've done!"  
Please Inoue, give me the strength to strike him down!  
I tightened my grip on my sword, my knuckles white, and leapt toward Kazama with a yell.  
"Ah!"  
Contemptuously, he slapped my strike aside. My kodachi flew out of my hands and clattered to the ground. I reached out to grab it again-  
"Aaaaah!"  
Kazama's foot came down on my arm, and pain shot through it.  
"Enough of this stupid game."  
His red, arrogant eyes burned into mine.  
The eyes of the monster who had killed Inoue.  
"You do not seem to understand who your master is. That is unfortunate. Perhaps I should punish you, so that you will never defy me again."  
I felt the cold steel of his sword on my throat.  
"Pain is an excellent tool for discipline. Fortunately your body heals very quickly."  
"Damn you!"  
I glared at Kazama with all the anger I could muster, but all I got in return was a cruel smile.  
Inoue had told me to run…  
But I hadn't, and now I couldn't. Kazama was right about one thing: I couldn't escape from him.  
If I couldn't escape, then at least I could refuse to give him the satisfaction of a compliant victim!  
"If all you're going to do is use me however you like, then I might as well bite off my tongue and drown in my own blood!"  
"Oi! Don't remember giving you permission to do that. And I don't much care for people who can't follow orders."  
The moment I heard that voice, my head suddenly cleared.  
There was no way I could mistake it… It was…  
"Hijikata!"  
I felt tears spring to my eyes again, but for a very different reason.  
This was no dream; no hallucination.  
Toshizo Hijikata stood in front of me.  
"Dammit… I had a feeling you guys were in trouble, but…"  
He stopped as his voice was about to crack, and simply looked at  
Inoue's body, his face twisted with grief and regret.  
Hijikata's jaw tightened, and his breath shook as if he were about to cry. I knew what I was about to say would hurt him, but he had to hear it…  
"I-Inoue wanted me to tell you something… He said that he…wanted to apologize for his incompetence. And he hoped you would forgive him for not staying with you until the end…"  
There was a lump in my throat and my eyes burned, but I had to keep going…  
"He said he didn't have the words to thank you for giving a man like him the chance to be a part of something, and that…that he'd never forget what you did for him!"  
As I choked out the final words, I began to sob.

Hijikata said nothing.  
Slowly, almost as if in prayer, he bowed his head.  
When he lifted it again, his eyes were changed; they shone now with the brilliant fires of rage.  
With tight, deliberate purpose, he gripped his sword, the Izuminokami Kanesada. It whispered through the air as he raised it to an attack stance.  
"…Another human who wishes to throw his life away? It is difficult for me to understand why your kind is so anxious to die. I was hoping I'd seen the last of this idiocy. Very well. Let's get this over with."  
Kazama's voice was bored, but as he spoke the fire in Hijikata's eyes grew into a raging furnace.  
"'Throw away his life,' you piece of shit?! How dare you say he threw his life away!"  
Hijikata roared in wordless fury and launched himself toward Kazama.  
With all of his weight behind the blade, he struck at the demon's neck.  
"Nn!"  
Kazama flicked his sword up to catch Hijikata's.  
For a moment, it looked as though they were evenly matched-  
And then Kazama was thrown back!  
"What?!"  
From the look on his face, it was likely the first time he'd ever found himself overpowered by a human, and he was stunned.  
Hijikata didn't let that opening go to waste.  
He pushed forward, his sword hissing back and forth through the air as if possessed.  
"Guh!"  
Just moment ago Kazama's face had been calm and serene-now it was warped with frustration and surprise.  
Hijikata, by contrast, wore a manic grin and his blade slammed again and again into Kazama's with more strength than I'd ever seen before.  
"…I never though I would show this form to a mere human. Be honored, mortal. The moment your eyes behold a true demon is the moment of your death."  
And with that, the battle changed.  
"Gah!"  
Kazama's sword hummed and flickered through the air with ease, far faster and smoother than it had been a minute before.  
It was all Hijikata could do to anticipate and block his strikes, leaving him no time to try and land an offensive blow of his own.  
"Where's the fire you had a moment ago?! Is this the most you can muster for the dead insect?"  
Kazama's demonic strength and endurance were beginning to show: He wasn't even breathing hard.  
"Damn!"  
Hijikata, however, was quickly running short of breath. All Kazama had to do was wait for him to tire, and…  
"Goddammit!"  
He threw his full strength behind his sword, and lunged at Kazama one more time.  
The demon anticipated his blow easily, and twisted to the side as Hijikata's blade swept past him.  
"Gah!"  
Kazama's hand snapped out and Hijikata's sword fell, clattering, to the ground.  
"Hijikata!"  
In my mind's eye, I could already see him, crumpling to the dirt, just as Inoue had done. A slow puddle of blood growing under his still-warm body…  
I had to do something! I couldn't let him die too!  
…But I was utterly and completely helpless.  
Useless.

Hijikata fell to his knees, his chest heaving.  
Sweat rolled down his forehead in streams, and the cloth of his shirt was soaked.  
Kazama lifted his sword and pointed it at Hijikata.  
"…This is the end for you."  
His mouth curved up into a cold, confident smile.  
"Humans are such fools. They will try to fight what they know they cannot defeat. I call that recklessness, not courage. You have underestimated the power of a demon, and chosen not to fear us. I hope your last thoughts are of shame at your ignorance."  
As Kazama spoke, Hijikata dragged his tired body across the ground, toward his fallen sword.  
"What's this? Trying to run?"  
Hijikata had reached his sword.  
With the last ounce of strength he possessed, he lifted it up once again and turned to face his foe.  
"…You won't bow, will you? I've made a fool of you, and yet you refuse to acknowledge the difference between us."  
…No.  
Hijikata was not the sort of man to care about a difference in strength, but neither was he the sort of man that would simply abandon victory.  
So why, then, had he not responded?  
As I watched, he pulled out something from inside his shirt.  
"Ah!"  
A tiny bottle filled with red liquid.  
"The Water of Life, eh? How far do you mean to take this idiocy?"  
Hijikata replied with a toothy grin.  
"I'm an idiot, huh? Like I give a shit what you think. We were always a pack of idiots. We shared an idiot's dream that we were all too bullheaded to give up on. And now, here we are. We're halfway up the hill. If we stumble now, we're gonna fall all the way back down."  
Kazama seemed amused by this.  
"Even if you become a fury, you'll be nothing more than a faded reflection of a true demon."  
Hijikata's grin never wavered.  
"Well, you never know till you try."  
"Hijikata, no!"  
My cries fell on deaf ears.  
Hijikata lifted the bottle to his lips and drank.  
"Shut up."  
Hijikata's voice rumbled out from the fury, dark and low, like approaching thunder.  
"I've had enough of those fucking cowards in the shogunate and I'm sick of you goddamn demons. So I'm not a real demon? Why the hell should I care? Never once in my whole stinking life have they treated me like a real warrior."  
His eyes burned with anger.  
"But hell… Where are you supposed to find a real warrior these days? Lotta men callin' themselves 'samurai' when all they do is sit behind ten feet of stone in a castle and get fat. Only thing those sons of bitches care about is making sure the side they buddy up to is the side that's gonna win. We're better soldiers than any of those bastards!"  
Hijikata's words weren't just for Kazama any more…  
They were for Inoue, who had died in a fight he couldn't win; for the shogunate and the counselors, who didn't have the courage to make difficult decisions; and for everyone who had ever refused to treat the Shinsengumi as true warriors.  
"I believe what I believe. Nothing can change that. And I will never, ever, retreat. That's what's brought us this far. Call us face if you want, but if we push hard enough and don't give up, eventually we become what we say we are. If I can defeat you now, as a fury, then I-no, then we-can become real demons. Right?"  
The predatory grin on Hijikata's face wasn't human.  
When he leapt at Kazama, he moved so fast that I could barely even see him. He'd been impressive as a human, but as a fury…he was beyond belief.  
"Gah!"  
Kazama smashed aside the first attack, but the second followed it almost immediately, and then a third.  
Blow after blow crashed against his defenses, giving him no time to even breathe.  
"C'mon! That all you've got?! I thought we were just ants for you to crush! Where's your smart mouth now, demon?!"  
Hijikata's eyes flashed, like a great beast closing in on its prey, and he lunged at Kazama.  
"Hnng!"  
With an effort, he managed to swing his blade up in time to catch Hijikata's, but he'd lost the advantage of casually superior strength.  
"Gaaaah!"  
His sword rebounded from Hijikata's strike, and Kazama was forced back.  
Hijikata leapt for the opening.  
"Argh!"  
Hijikata's sword moved too fast for the eye to see: A line of blood simply appeared on Kazama's face.  
He clapped a hand to it in surprise and pain, and jumped backward, trying to put space between them.  
"Ah hahaha… Great. Looks like you're finally getting into it. You look like a man now. How's it feel to get cut by a fake?!"  
Kazama didn't even seem to hear Hijikata's words-he simply stared, eyes wide, at the blood that fell from his face to pool in his hand.  
Even as I watched, his wounds closed themselves. The stream of blood slowed to a trickle and then stopped.  
"Damn you!"  
Though the wound itself had disappeared, it seemed the ramifications had not.  
"How dare you! False demon! Insect! scum! How dare you draw my blood!"  
It must have been the first time he'd ever been wounded by a human.  
Kazama's preternaturally calm face was distorted now by rage and disgust. It was the first time I had ever seen him truly look like a demon.  
"I will never forgive you for this! I will torture you until you beg for death! You will learn what it truly means to feel pain!"  
"…At last we get to see the real Kazama. Fine. Come at me. I dare you to kill me."  
He bared his teeth in a wicked smile.  
Their swords collided with a resounding crash.  
"Gaaaah!"  
Kazama had been strong before, but now his blows landed with all the strength of a cannon.  
Veins stood out on Hijikata's neck and forehead as he strained against the onslaught.  
"Damn you! You are nothing! Not even a shadow of a demon! How dare you draw my blood!"  
Kazama had gone mad with rage, his golden eyes wide and bloodshot.  
"Bastard!"  
Every time their swords met, I could see Hijikata's chip and shake. It looked as if the next blow could break it in two.  
Hijikata tried desperately to block with the back of the blade, and protect it from more damage, but Kazama's strikes were too quick and too powerful.  
Hatred rolled off of them in waves. Neither of them would be satisfied with simply killing the other.  
"I'll never forgive you, you arrogant son of a bitch! You're going to hell even if I gotta drag you there myself!"  
His clothes were soaked with blood, but eyes alight with vigor and determination shone out from beneath his white hair.  
"Ha! Go to hell if you like, but you'll be going alone!"  
They leapt at each other like enraged animals, blows flying so quickly that they could only defend or attack on instinct.  
It was clear that the battle would only end when one of them was dead, but it was rapidly becoming clear that Hijikata was fighting in a way that put his at a disadvantage.  
"Ah…!"  
Back home, he'd always been so calm, even in the heat of battle, but cool detachment he fled with his humanity.  
I had to stop them. If I didn't, Hijikata would die, but awe and terror at their display of violence and skill had sealed my voice in my throat.  
Even though I was a demon, just lik Kazama, I was helpless.  
It was maddening.  
"Yukimura!"  
I heard footsteps pounding along the path and spun around to find the source of that familiar voice.  
"The commander left to go see how things had gone with the Yodo, and he hasn't returned. Have you seen him?"  
"Yamazaki!"  
His timing couldn't have been better. In that moment, Yamazaki looked like an angel.  
"W-We're in trouble! Hijikata's fighting a demon and Inoue is…is…"  
I wanted to explain what had happened, but somewhere between my brain and my mouth it got all jumbled and I found myself stammering unintelligibly.  
Yamazaki stared at me for only a moment before he glanced past my shoulder and saw the battle raging there. His eyes widened in shock and horror.  
"…What's going on here…? That white-haired demon… Is that a fury?"  
"No…those clothes, they're-! Oh my god!"  
Realization began to dawn on him face, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the battle.  
"That's...that's Hijikata! He drank the Water of Life!"  
"No…!"  
"Hng!"  
With a dull twang, the sword leapt out of Hijikata's hands and clattered to the ground.  
"This battle in mine. Though I am impressed that you lasted so long with such a dull sword."  
He gave Hijikata a tight smile.  
"Guh…"  
Hijikata kept low to the ground, and slowly began to move away.  
Kazama followed just as slowly, his grin widening at Hijikata's apparent fear.  
"I hope you haven't forgotten that I don't intend to simply kill you. Eventually you'll die, of course, but not before I've inflicted on you all the pain I can imagine."  
The advantage once again his, Kazama's calm had returned.  
"Ah, I know. When I'm finished, I'll skin you alive and send your head back to your beloved Shinsengumi, preserved in alcohol. They deserve to see you at your, ah, best. To start, though, I think I'll take off your arms, then feed them to stray dogs!"  
Kazama hefted his sword, its blade still clean and undamaged.  
"Hijikataaaa!"  
I screamed as loud as I could, some irrational part of me hoping that might change the outcome.  
A horrible, wet sound filled my ears.  
"What?!"  
I looked up-  
Blood had splattered across the front of Kazama's shirt, but Hijikata was unharmed.  
"What are you doing, Commander?! You are the mind of the Shinsengumi! We're your arms and legs! Why are you running off to face the enemy alone…?"  
Hijikata stared down in pained shock.  
"Yamazaki, what are you saying…?"  
His voice shook.  
Yamazaki smiled back, his eyes shining as I's seen them do when he and Hijikata were discussing important secrets.  
"If you lose an arm or a leg, you can always replace it. But if you lose the head, you lose everything. The Chief and the Commander… They two of you make…a whole…"  
With that he went limp, the last of his energy exhausted, and crumpled to the ground.  
Blood pooled beneath him, turning the packed dirt a deep red.  
"Yamazaki!"  
I grabbed a hold of him, as if that might somehow bring him back to consciousness.  
"Yamazaki… Why…?" Hijikata's hair had slowly begun to shift back to its original color, and as I watched he struggled to blink back tears.  
"Hey, Hijikata! Yamazaki! Gen! Where are you guys?!"  
Nagakura's voice echoed through the forest from some distance away.  
"Dammit! I should just finish you off now-!"  
Kazama lifted his sword and made to swing it down when, out of nowhere, a hulking form appeared between us.  
"Stop. Any further battles will only lead to unnecessary casualties."  
Amagiri.  
"Are you ordering me to retreat?! Am I supposed to let this worm who dared to cut my face simply go free?!"  
"Killing him would be easy enough for you, but to do so would go against the wishes of the Satsuma Domain. Ultimately they desire for the shogunate to fall by their hand, not the hand of a demon."  
His tone made it clear how little he thought of that desire, but his commitment to obedience was clearly greater.  
Kazama wasn't pleased with Amagiri's interruption, but he seemed to feel that it was pointless to argue over the matter with his fellow demon.  
"Hijikata, was it…? I will not forget that name. I will have my revenge."  
"Same to you. I won't be able to sleep at night until I've sent your soul to the afterlife."  
They glared at one another with such hate I felt as if they might spontaneously combust.  
Then Kazama spun on his heel and followed Amagiri off into the forest.  
No sooner had they disappeared…  
"Hey, there you- Hijikata, what the hell's going on?"  
"There's dead men all over the place… Did you run into some rebels? …No, those are sword cuts…"  
Hijikata glanced at his fallen friend and then at his ninja.  
"…Go look at Yamazaki. I think he's still alive."  
"What?!"  
Nagakura stared in horror and sudden realization at Yamazaki's limp body.  
"What happened here?! C'mon, Yamazaki, hang in there! Anybody got some clean cloth?! And booze! Anything alcoholic's good!"  
"Here, if you need cloth take this. He needs it more than I do."  
"Thanks, Sano!"  
"I-I'll help too! Let me look at him…"  
I desperately called up everything I could remember about first aid, and set to work next to Nagakura and Harada.  
"…Commander, what happened here?"  
Hijikata didn't ever seem to here the voice of Saito.  
"…I…I never thought I would sacrifice my own men so that I could survive…"  
Saito's eyes widened.  
"Sacrifice…?"  
"Inoue's body is over there. Can you give me a hand burying him? His men too…"  
With that he finally looked at Saito and gave him a pained smile.  
"It gets cold this time of year. Can't leave 'em out there to freeze…"  
I knew that he wanted to break down and cry more than any of us, but in front of his men he struggled to grin and joke.  
It was just too much. I felt myself begin to sob, but I couldn't bear to do it in front of Inoue and Yamazaki, so I buried my face in my hands and let the tears flow soundlessly.  
Inoue had given his life to save mine.  
Hijikata had become a fury to fight the demon who'd chased me across Kyoto.  
Yamazaki had taken a blow that might well end his life to protect Hijikata…  
…What could I possibly do for them?  
How could I atone for my sins?  
I thought about it for a long time, but no answers came.

…  
That night, Sanan and the Fury Corps launched an attack in revenge for the events of the afternoon.  
Once the sun set, it became harder to aim a gun, which the Shinsengumi hoped would give the Fury Corps the advantage.  
At first it did, and the furies were even more successful than they'd hoped…  
But then the gunners began to fire different, special bullets, and the Fury Corps were quickly driven back.  
The loss was devastating, and our allies quickly crumbled.  
With the betrayal of the Yodo and Tsu Domains, and the refusal of the Owari Domain to become involeved in any waym the Sinsengumi was alone.  
With our allies gone, and enemies everywhere, we had no choice but to retreat to Osaka Castle.

…  
"*Sigh* …Well, here we are. …Damn this place is big. What's the sense in building a place like this?"  
"Hijikata, we're gonna take Yamazaki to see Doctor Ryoujun, okay?"  
"Sure. Fine. Go ahead."  
Yamazaki had groaned in pain all the way home… I hoped he would be all right.  
I was also worried for Hijikata. Now that he was a fury, being out in the sunlight had to be painful for him…  
"Um…Hijikata? Are you feeling all right? I mean…physically?"  
"What, surprised to see a fury out during the day?"  
"N-No… I-I mean, that's not what I… I was just wondering if anything has changed."  
Even if I wasn't directly at fault, he'd become a fury because of the demon I'd attracted.  
"No. So far, nothing. Still, pretty soon here it'll probably be real painful for me to even look at the sun. Might as well enjoy it while I can."  
"Oh no…"  
He looked away.  
"I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but only one person made the decision to drink that stuff. Me."  
He glanced back at me.  
"Besides, I've ordered plenty of men to cut themselves open or become furies. Can't really wuss out when it's my turn, can I? …I had a feeling this would happen eventually. Don't blame yourself."

It wasn't that easy, though. I couldn't just take him at his word, and shed all the guilt I felt.  
When I looked up at him though, his expression seemed somehow relieved.  
"Um…this is kind of a weird question, but… Did something good just happen?"  
He smiled.  
"Of course."  
He looked up at the castle walls and laughed.  
"Isn't it obvious? This castle will never fall. So long as we stay here, we can't lose. Maybe we'll do what Yukimura Sanada couldn't. …And maybe I'll get some revenge. How could I not be excited?"  
The man I'd watched fight the demon Kazama was nowhere to be seen: Hijikata's face now was that of a man looking forward, determined to win.  
I smiled to myself.  
He hadn't given up hope.  
"Commander! There you are!"  
We both looked up to see Shimada standing before us.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Um… We've been ordered to put to sea immediately. We're returning to Edo."  
Hijikata eyes went so wide that he almost appeared afraid.  
"Edo? What do you mean? I thought we were going to stay here and give that rebel scum a little payback."  
"Well…um…"  
Shimada hesitated, and I sensed that it was out of reluctance, not confusion.  
When he spoke, he sounded as if even he didn't quite believe what he was saying.  
"…I've received word that Yoshinobu Tokugawa has already boarded the ship and is headed for Edo. So there is…little point in remaining here."  
Hijikata looked very much like he wanted to throw up.

For a moment, he simply stood there, stunned.  
When he finally spoke, his voice was a sinister growl.  
"What the hell do you mean, he's on a boat to Edo? His army put their necks on the line for him, and he's running away to save his own sorry ass?"  
Shimada swallowed.  
"Well, to be honest I'm really not too sure myself…"  
He didn't looked much more pleased about the situation than Hijikata.  
"Dammit!"  
Unable to contain his frustration, he kicked out at the nearest tree.  
His eyes thinned and he kicked it several more times.  
At last he stopped, slightly out of breath, and tried to regain his earlier calm.  
"…Fine. Not like we were fighting for Tokugawa himself in the first place. They don't have the balls for it, fine. We don't need them. We've still got the Denshu Company, and a couple of those warships the shogunate bought from the foreigners. When we get to Edo, we'll just have to start this fight up again."  
Perhaps it was the desperate exhilaration of having your back to the wall, but I saw the fire of determination light in Hijikata's eyes.

...  
That was how the Shinsengumi and the last remnants of the old shogunate were forced to leave Osaka Castle and return to Edo.  
During the trip, Yamazaki's wound grew worse, and eventually he passed away.  
Yamazaki himself had said that Hijikata was the head, and the rest of the Shinsengumi were his arms and legs.  
To me, it seemed, that was truer than even Yamazaki had realized: His death was as painful to Hijikata as the loss of a real limb.  
Yamazaki was buried at sea in a ceremony presided over by Takeaki Enomoto, a one-time vassal of the shogunate who was bound for Edo on the same ship.


End file.
